Remember Eminem? If you stare at him long enough through a coke bottle you'll percieve him to be black, right up until he starts to coo random names and explicity puts how vapidly his life is as an albino.
In the latest, Eminem joked about Lady Gaga's penis after approximately 2 years, and we're supposed to give a flying fuck because he briefly skims over it in some fruity song tagged 'A Kiss'.
Eminem claim's that he wanted to "share with the world" that Lady Gaga is a "male lady". Sigh. As if we never knew. In a new track on his side project Bad Meets Evil, 'A Kiss', he sniggers at Gaga's 'dick':
"Tell Lady Gaga she can quit her job at the post office/ She's still a male lady."
"Wouldn't fuck her with her dick/ You heard it/ The verdict's in."
So late is Eminem on the joke of Gaga's 'dick' in her undesirable wears thing, is that Gaga beat him to the joke when she joked about being a hermaphroditeg. And she even performed with her strap-on stiffy on stage in 2009.
Next we can expect Eminem to drop another rap about Elton John clipping his member to his testicles.
Tuesday, 14 June 2011
Hugh Hefner And Crystal Harris' Sparse Arse Call It Quits
Before you titter about how flabbergasted you are, we recommend that you clench your jaw while simultaneously burping and spewing that you could've been single. Yes. How unfortunate you are to have your limbs bushwacked skin deep by bovine Shelly - because Crystal Harris' sparse arse is companionless. And you cynically don't stand a chance.
That's right. Crystal Harris has reportedly passed on the opportunity to be espoused to a dwindled Hugh Hef. Now she's suddenly pleading forgiveness. Shame. Skoot over bovine Shelly.
According to insiders, probably cold sores on Hef's cajones, Hef and Crystal had a lame fight the weekend over the phone. Crystal 'freaked out', which to us is realization, that she didn't want to be Hef's floozy - she then packed her silicone soap dish titties and all those expensive freebie goodies, and left five days before would've been married for a third time.
Poor Heffy, how dickless he must be feeling. Atleast he has ghoul concubines bumming around the acropolis. Now stop reading our snot blog. Wipe your arse. Now's your chance to slag your beanstalk in Crystal's companionless sparse arse. Pervs.
That's right. Crystal Harris has reportedly passed on the opportunity to be espoused to a dwindled Hugh Hef. Now she's suddenly pleading forgiveness. Shame. Skoot over bovine Shelly.
According to insiders, probably cold sores on Hef's cajones, Hef and Crystal had a lame fight the weekend over the phone. Crystal 'freaked out', which to us is realization, that she didn't want to be Hef's floozy - she then packed her silicone soap dish titties and all those expensive freebie goodies, and left five days before would've been married for a third time.
Poor Heffy, how dickless he must be feeling. Atleast he has ghoul concubines bumming around the acropolis. Now stop reading our snot blog. Wipe your arse. Now's your chance to slag your beanstalk in Crystal's companionless sparse arse. Pervs.
Beckham And Posh Elects Eva Longoria As The Unfortunate GodMother
Remember when David Beckham was known for swirling balls senselessly into a net and looking like a clammy Nick Carter? And Posh Spice (Victoria Beckham would sound too redundant) wriggled to stardom with a plummy English accent and all, in the 90's?
Well, it's sad to look back at your cheerless life and, also at your current cheerless existence especially when all you're famous for is affixing bambino's clawed to your uterus - and terrorising Yee-haw folks on highways with your erratic driving. That's David and Posh all right.
With that said. Where does this leave the bambino swelling up Posh Spice's ridiculously thin breadbasket? Well, Eva Longoria has stepped up to the superflous schlep with typical panache. Yes, in other words she'll be a boring godmother.
A source with David's lazy footie-foot gorged in their larynx, says:
"Victoria ran it past David and they both want Eva. She's extremely honored."
The aboventioned source is obviously counting their lucky stars. Yet, all that we've vaguely been acquinted to by this unreliable source is that, Beckham is extremely slow at dribbling his balls and Victoria is somewhere cushioned in the atmosphere - leaving Eva Longoria flambouyantly unfortunate as Beck and Posh are.
Sigh.
Well, it's sad to look back at your cheerless life and, also at your current cheerless existence especially when all you're famous for is affixing bambino's clawed to your uterus - and terrorising Yee-haw folks on highways with your erratic driving. That's David and Posh all right.
With that said. Where does this leave the bambino swelling up Posh Spice's ridiculously thin breadbasket? Well, Eva Longoria has stepped up to the superflous schlep with typical panache. Yes, in other words she'll be a boring godmother.
A source with David's lazy footie-foot gorged in their larynx, says:
"Victoria ran it past David and they both want Eva. She's extremely honored."
The aboventioned source is obviously counting their lucky stars. Yet, all that we've vaguely been acquinted to by this unreliable source is that, Beckham is extremely slow at dribbling his balls and Victoria is somewhere cushioned in the atmosphere - leaving Eva Longoria flambouyantly unfortunate as Beck and Posh are.
Sigh.
Kevin The Insignificant Jonas Wants Kids
The Jonas Brothers are audibly dull and narcoleptically captavating, when trapped in an uneventful situation.
They've fairly been tolerated by most folks, especially tweenies with runny noses, hermies' and pen-pal death-threats from anonymous scalded Nsync fans. We all thought they would cease to exist after temporarily occupying a space - yet we'll be ever coiled in agony as Kevin Jonas can't wait to have kittens.
At first glance, you might be saying, "hell, why would any human being want to hinder the evolution of mankind?" Our guesses are, Kevin wants to prove that somewhere along the lining of his shemale contents, there's a speck of sperm desperately yearning to spew at the nearest exit.
And so it goes. Apparently Danielle Jonas says that the promissory tedious couple can't wait to stir an off-putting act and have miniature irritating kids.
"I cannot wait to be a mom and I know he's pushing to be a dad. We've been thinking about (having a baby), but I think it's going to happen when everything is more settled."
Gosh. He's pushing to be a dad so we at She & Him will give hand Kevin a ladder and a syringe with curdy diary products. In the meantime slit your wrists and yawn 'HELLO KITTY!'
They've fairly been tolerated by most folks, especially tweenies with runny noses, hermies' and pen-pal death-threats from anonymous scalded Nsync fans. We all thought they would cease to exist after temporarily occupying a space - yet we'll be ever coiled in agony as Kevin Jonas can't wait to have kittens.
At first glance, you might be saying, "hell, why would any human being want to hinder the evolution of mankind?" Our guesses are, Kevin wants to prove that somewhere along the lining of his shemale contents, there's a speck of sperm desperately yearning to spew at the nearest exit.
And so it goes. Apparently Danielle Jonas says that the promissory tedious couple can't wait to stir an off-putting act and have miniature irritating kids.
"I cannot wait to be a mom and I know he's pushing to be a dad. We've been thinking about (having a baby), but I think it's going to happen when everything is more settled."
Gosh. He's pushing to be a dad so we at She & Him will give hand Kevin a ladder and a syringe with curdy diary products. In the meantime slit your wrists and yawn 'HELLO KITTY!'
Gary Dourdan's Driving And Acting Has The AfterEffects Of An Ecstacy Pill
Crack, shrooms , marijuina, heroin and methamphetamine, has over the decades rapidly replaced the pennys beneath the piss-soaked sofa. They are the ideal and prospective qualifications and achievements of a chavs, ravers, hippies, stoners, shooters and all those other taxonomies we didn't bother to mention.
The downfall of drugs are nonetheless other than the mimic chemical reactions of your brain where you pop-shovet in vomit. No. Not even the dried excrement on your areosmith sweater. No again. Not least the ridiculously expensive car you've crashed. Rather, it's when these drugs are removed from your stupid self and given to other stupid people.
Yes. That's right. Have you ever wondered how your daily supplement gets disposed of? Well, it's distributed to actors who are horrible at pretending to be geniune actors - and paid large sums of money to be arrested and flaunt bail money.
To be more precise. The former CSI actor, Gary Dourdan, who looks like an unshaven Macy Gray being assaulted with an abacus of pills has been reportedly been arrested after being in possesion of "a few pills" of ecstacy.
According to reports, police responded to a call that Gary was slamming into two parked cars. Police apparently arrested Gary for possesion of "a few pills" of ecstacy. However, Gary was taken to the chookie, but released on $10,000 bail.
Alas, being rich and black in America means you are fancied by most policemen - regardless of "a few pills" found at the scene, they'll make "a few pills" sound like a full medicine cabinet.
Now you know it. The downfall of drugs is when its removed from your stupid self and given to other stupid people. So don't give stupid people drugs if you are stupid - including all those other taxonomies like Gary Dourdan, we bothered to mention.
The downfall of drugs are nonetheless other than the mimic chemical reactions of your brain where you pop-shovet in vomit. No. Not even the dried excrement on your areosmith sweater. No again. Not least the ridiculously expensive car you've crashed. Rather, it's when these drugs are removed from your stupid self and given to other stupid people.
Yes. That's right. Have you ever wondered how your daily supplement gets disposed of? Well, it's distributed to actors who are horrible at pretending to be geniune actors - and paid large sums of money to be arrested and flaunt bail money.
To be more precise. The former CSI actor, Gary Dourdan, who looks like an unshaven Macy Gray being assaulted with an abacus of pills has been reportedly been arrested after being in possesion of "a few pills" of ecstacy.
According to reports, police responded to a call that Gary was slamming into two parked cars. Police apparently arrested Gary for possesion of "a few pills" of ecstacy. However, Gary was taken to the chookie, but released on $10,000 bail.
Alas, being rich and black in America means you are fancied by most policemen - regardless of "a few pills" found at the scene, they'll make "a few pills" sound like a full medicine cabinet.
Now you know it. The downfall of drugs is when its removed from your stupid self and given to other stupid people. So don't give stupid people drugs if you are stupid - including all those other taxonomies like Gary Dourdan, we bothered to mention.
Monday, 13 June 2011
Tori Spelling's Lust For The Paparazzi Is A Good Thing For Kids Who Hate School
Tori Spelling. Just to check our barricaded system of mental confusion, as we nearly forgot to process who this critter actually is - she's more than just a mere crooked off-cut of Gwen Stefani and a spelling error that makes us churn with hearburn - Tori Spelling, as we've been told, apparently starred in that flick Scary movie. It was scary with her in it, and off-putting.
Besides, she now bags on the role of an offspring clutter tucker, to fill the vacant cabinets, along with detergents and household appliances - and clean snot off the furniture, as her brief career as an actor filling in the edited scenes, has appreciatively concluded.
Still, with a hundred-to-one-shot at being absurdly famous, she's being hounded by misdoer paparazzi's. That's right. Apparently the snotty little bastards and the lump growing in her innards, is enthralling her with the desperate attention she by all means requires to make it back on to the rack of a crowd-pleaser, or so.
Tori Spelling was allegedly attacked by an irritating perv paparazzi on monday morning, causing displeasing social commotion while taking her snotty brats to school. She was fizzing like an effervescent at the sight of a paparazzi chasing her that she crashed into the schools wall and, made the kids stupid for yet another day.
On the brightside, this was great, because kids hate the thought of school, and America could use a cavia porcellus to t-off the Chinese.
Still, the paparazzi then ran up to the car to snap picks of Tori and the brats. Luckily, there were mothers with athletic thighs in sweat tracks around, whom chased the paparazzi away.
She took to twitter where she thwart the snotty brats smothering in the back seat - to enlighten our already outrageously awful day with her stifling tweet.
"Paparazzi chased me w/the kids 2school. I was trying to get away from him and had a pretty big accident. Took down the whole wall of the school. He thn STILL got out to try to get pics. 10 school moms chased him away. Wht wll it take? Someone dying for paparazzi to stop? Going to dr now to check on baby. I think its just shock."
Are you folks still breathing? Oh Tori. Look what you have done again.
Besides, she now bags on the role of an offspring clutter tucker, to fill the vacant cabinets, along with detergents and household appliances - and clean snot off the furniture, as her brief career as an actor filling in the edited scenes, has appreciatively concluded.
Still, with a hundred-to-one-shot at being absurdly famous, she's being hounded by misdoer paparazzi's. That's right. Apparently the snotty little bastards and the lump growing in her innards, is enthralling her with the desperate attention she by all means requires to make it back on to the rack of a crowd-pleaser, or so.
Tori Spelling was allegedly attacked by an irritating perv paparazzi on monday morning, causing displeasing social commotion while taking her snotty brats to school. She was fizzing like an effervescent at the sight of a paparazzi chasing her that she crashed into the schools wall and, made the kids stupid for yet another day.
On the brightside, this was great, because kids hate the thought of school, and America could use a cavia porcellus to t-off the Chinese.
Still, the paparazzi then ran up to the car to snap picks of Tori and the brats. Luckily, there were mothers with athletic thighs in sweat tracks around, whom chased the paparazzi away.
She took to twitter where she thwart the snotty brats smothering in the back seat - to enlighten our already outrageously awful day with her stifling tweet.
"Paparazzi chased me w/the kids 2school. I was trying to get away from him and had a pretty big accident. Took down the whole wall of the school. He thn STILL got out to try to get pics. 10 school moms chased him away. Wht wll it take? Someone dying for paparazzi to stop? Going to dr now to check on baby. I think its just shock."
Are you folks still breathing? Oh Tori. Look what you have done again.
Demi Lovato May Not Be A Nutter Any Longer But Has Nutter Objects That Sadly Exists
Demi Lovato has swapped her gashing looks for a despondantly pleasant healthy tweeny with a bloodstreams intoxicated by a litre of polio drops.
She's looking decent these days after being discharged from the paediatric ward, as she totters into the snarling world.
Alas, its only a matter of time before Demi's demons resurface - people like her clad boyfriend with a woman's name, Wilmer Valderrama, and similarily loony mother, summons her inner demons and she butchers herself to the abattoir for slebs. Rehab.
The latter being in the works, the tweeny star now apparently has to contend with a boyfriend who broke up with her because she's as dull-looking as Selena Gomez now that she looks adequately ordinary - and a deranged mother whom reportedly can't handle Demi being gashingly famous.
Sources who are wholly not as exceptionally obnoxious as we at She & Him are, claim that the momentary boring relationship went sour as:
"The age difference meant they were in completely different places in their lives."
Age is nothing but a number, yes? Not really. Demi doesn't think so. She shaves herself more than ol' Wilmer Valderrama does. She's nearly ceased to exist in a slebathon of rehab - whereas he dribbled his lad on divested printed tweenies in heat magazine like a clumsy oaf. He wasn't worth it Demi, ey?
Anyways, matters are more of a schlep for Demi now that her mom's been despatched to the booby hatch, leaving her to totter by herself like Atlas cart all our insults on her undeveloped backside.
According to a source who does not understand the meaning of 'SHUT UP':
"It's been a tough year for Demi, and her mom has been a constant support. But fame has also taken its toll on the family. Now [that] Demi is strong again, her mom could take some time to deal with her own issues."
However, Demi's mother has reportedly completed her medical treatment. So, that said - while Demi handles her mother like a cockamamie entity, such as Tim Allen facing the alien pig lizard on Galaxy Quest - you lot can go ahead and spread those cyber-bulling tactics that you're prone to do.
Hear-hear!
She's looking decent these days after being discharged from the paediatric ward, as she totters into the snarling world.
Alas, its only a matter of time before Demi's demons resurface - people like her clad boyfriend with a woman's name, Wilmer Valderrama, and similarily loony mother, summons her inner demons and she butchers herself to the abattoir for slebs. Rehab.
The latter being in the works, the tweeny star now apparently has to contend with a boyfriend who broke up with her because she's as dull-looking as Selena Gomez now that she looks adequately ordinary - and a deranged mother whom reportedly can't handle Demi being gashingly famous.
Sources who are wholly not as exceptionally obnoxious as we at She & Him are, claim that the momentary boring relationship went sour as:
"The age difference meant they were in completely different places in their lives."
Age is nothing but a number, yes? Not really. Demi doesn't think so. She shaves herself more than ol' Wilmer Valderrama does. She's nearly ceased to exist in a slebathon of rehab - whereas he dribbled his lad on divested printed tweenies in heat magazine like a clumsy oaf. He wasn't worth it Demi, ey?
Anyways, matters are more of a schlep for Demi now that her mom's been despatched to the booby hatch, leaving her to totter by herself like Atlas cart all our insults on her undeveloped backside.
According to a source who does not understand the meaning of 'SHUT UP':
"It's been a tough year for Demi, and her mom has been a constant support. But fame has also taken its toll on the family. Now [that] Demi is strong again, her mom could take some time to deal with her own issues."
However, Demi's mother has reportedly completed her medical treatment. So, that said - while Demi handles her mother like a cockamamie entity, such as Tim Allen facing the alien pig lizard on Galaxy Quest - you lot can go ahead and spread those cyber-bulling tactics that you're prone to do.
Hear-hear!
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