Before you titter about how flabbergasted you are, we recommend that you clench your jaw while simultaneously burping and spewing that you could've been single. Yes. How unfortunate you are to have your limbs bushwacked skin deep by bovine Shelly - because Crystal Harris' sparse arse is companionless. And you cynically don't stand a chance.
That's right. Crystal Harris has reportedly passed on the opportunity to be espoused to a dwindled Hugh Hef. Now she's suddenly pleading forgiveness. Shame. Skoot over bovine Shelly.
According to insiders, probably cold sores on Hef's cajones, Hef and Crystal had a lame fight the weekend over the phone. Crystal 'freaked out', which to us is realization, that she didn't want to be Hef's floozy - she then packed her silicone soap dish titties and all those expensive freebie goodies, and left five days before would've been married for a third time.
Poor Heffy, how dickless he must be feeling. Atleast he has ghoul concubines bumming around the acropolis. Now stop reading our snot blog. Wipe your arse. Now's your chance to slag your beanstalk in Crystal's companionless sparse arse. Pervs.
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