Remember Eminem? If you stare at him long enough through a coke bottle you'll percieve him to be black, right up until he starts to coo random names and explicity puts how vapidly his life is as an albino.
In the latest, Eminem joked about Lady Gaga's penis after approximately 2 years, and we're supposed to give a flying fuck because he briefly skims over it in some fruity song tagged 'A Kiss'.
Eminem claim's that he wanted to "share with the world" that Lady Gaga is a "male lady". Sigh. As if we never knew. In a new track on his side project Bad Meets Evil, 'A Kiss', he sniggers at Gaga's 'dick':
"Tell Lady Gaga she can quit her job at the post office/ She's still a male lady."
"Wouldn't fuck her with her dick/ You heard it/ The verdict's in."
So late is Eminem on the joke of Gaga's 'dick' in her undesirable wears thing, is that Gaga beat him to the joke when she joked about being a hermaphroditeg. And she even performed with her strap-on stiffy on stage in 2009.
Next we can expect Eminem to drop another rap about Elton John clipping his member to his testicles.
Tuesday 14 June 2011
Hugh Hefner And Crystal Harris' Sparse Arse Call It Quits
Before you titter about how flabbergasted you are, we recommend that you clench your jaw while simultaneously burping and spewing that you could've been single. Yes. How unfortunate you are to have your limbs bushwacked skin deep by bovine Shelly - because Crystal Harris' sparse arse is companionless. And you cynically don't stand a chance.
That's right. Crystal Harris has reportedly passed on the opportunity to be espoused to a dwindled Hugh Hef. Now she's suddenly pleading forgiveness. Shame. Skoot over bovine Shelly.
According to insiders, probably cold sores on Hef's cajones, Hef and Crystal had a lame fight the weekend over the phone. Crystal 'freaked out', which to us is realization, that she didn't want to be Hef's floozy - she then packed her silicone soap dish titties and all those expensive freebie goodies, and left five days before would've been married for a third time.
Poor Heffy, how dickless he must be feeling. Atleast he has ghoul concubines bumming around the acropolis. Now stop reading our snot blog. Wipe your arse. Now's your chance to slag your beanstalk in Crystal's companionless sparse arse. Pervs.
That's right. Crystal Harris has reportedly passed on the opportunity to be espoused to a dwindled Hugh Hef. Now she's suddenly pleading forgiveness. Shame. Skoot over bovine Shelly.
According to insiders, probably cold sores on Hef's cajones, Hef and Crystal had a lame fight the weekend over the phone. Crystal 'freaked out', which to us is realization, that she didn't want to be Hef's floozy - she then packed her silicone soap dish titties and all those expensive freebie goodies, and left five days before would've been married for a third time.
Poor Heffy, how dickless he must be feeling. Atleast he has ghoul concubines bumming around the acropolis. Now stop reading our snot blog. Wipe your arse. Now's your chance to slag your beanstalk in Crystal's companionless sparse arse. Pervs.
Beckham And Posh Elects Eva Longoria As The Unfortunate GodMother
Remember when David Beckham was known for swirling balls senselessly into a net and looking like a clammy Nick Carter? And Posh Spice (Victoria Beckham would sound too redundant) wriggled to stardom with a plummy English accent and all, in the 90's?
Well, it's sad to look back at your cheerless life and, also at your current cheerless existence especially when all you're famous for is affixing bambino's clawed to your uterus - and terrorising Yee-haw folks on highways with your erratic driving. That's David and Posh all right.
With that said. Where does this leave the bambino swelling up Posh Spice's ridiculously thin breadbasket? Well, Eva Longoria has stepped up to the superflous schlep with typical panache. Yes, in other words she'll be a boring godmother.
A source with David's lazy footie-foot gorged in their larynx, says:
"Victoria ran it past David and they both want Eva. She's extremely honored."
The aboventioned source is obviously counting their lucky stars. Yet, all that we've vaguely been acquinted to by this unreliable source is that, Beckham is extremely slow at dribbling his balls and Victoria is somewhere cushioned in the atmosphere - leaving Eva Longoria flambouyantly unfortunate as Beck and Posh are.
Sigh.
Well, it's sad to look back at your cheerless life and, also at your current cheerless existence especially when all you're famous for is affixing bambino's clawed to your uterus - and terrorising Yee-haw folks on highways with your erratic driving. That's David and Posh all right.
With that said. Where does this leave the bambino swelling up Posh Spice's ridiculously thin breadbasket? Well, Eva Longoria has stepped up to the superflous schlep with typical panache. Yes, in other words she'll be a boring godmother.
A source with David's lazy footie-foot gorged in their larynx, says:
"Victoria ran it past David and they both want Eva. She's extremely honored."
The aboventioned source is obviously counting their lucky stars. Yet, all that we've vaguely been acquinted to by this unreliable source is that, Beckham is extremely slow at dribbling his balls and Victoria is somewhere cushioned in the atmosphere - leaving Eva Longoria flambouyantly unfortunate as Beck and Posh are.
Sigh.
Kevin The Insignificant Jonas Wants Kids
The Jonas Brothers are audibly dull and narcoleptically captavating, when trapped in an uneventful situation.
They've fairly been tolerated by most folks, especially tweenies with runny noses, hermies' and pen-pal death-threats from anonymous scalded Nsync fans. We all thought they would cease to exist after temporarily occupying a space - yet we'll be ever coiled in agony as Kevin Jonas can't wait to have kittens.
At first glance, you might be saying, "hell, why would any human being want to hinder the evolution of mankind?" Our guesses are, Kevin wants to prove that somewhere along the lining of his shemale contents, there's a speck of sperm desperately yearning to spew at the nearest exit.
And so it goes. Apparently Danielle Jonas says that the promissory tedious couple can't wait to stir an off-putting act and have miniature irritating kids.
"I cannot wait to be a mom and I know he's pushing to be a dad. We've been thinking about (having a baby), but I think it's going to happen when everything is more settled."
Gosh. He's pushing to be a dad so we at She & Him will give hand Kevin a ladder and a syringe with curdy diary products. In the meantime slit your wrists and yawn 'HELLO KITTY!'
They've fairly been tolerated by most folks, especially tweenies with runny noses, hermies' and pen-pal death-threats from anonymous scalded Nsync fans. We all thought they would cease to exist after temporarily occupying a space - yet we'll be ever coiled in agony as Kevin Jonas can't wait to have kittens.
At first glance, you might be saying, "hell, why would any human being want to hinder the evolution of mankind?" Our guesses are, Kevin wants to prove that somewhere along the lining of his shemale contents, there's a speck of sperm desperately yearning to spew at the nearest exit.
And so it goes. Apparently Danielle Jonas says that the promissory tedious couple can't wait to stir an off-putting act and have miniature irritating kids.
"I cannot wait to be a mom and I know he's pushing to be a dad. We've been thinking about (having a baby), but I think it's going to happen when everything is more settled."
Gosh. He's pushing to be a dad so we at She & Him will give hand Kevin a ladder and a syringe with curdy diary products. In the meantime slit your wrists and yawn 'HELLO KITTY!'
Gary Dourdan's Driving And Acting Has The AfterEffects Of An Ecstacy Pill
Crack, shrooms , marijuina, heroin and methamphetamine, has over the decades rapidly replaced the pennys beneath the piss-soaked sofa. They are the ideal and prospective qualifications and achievements of a chavs, ravers, hippies, stoners, shooters and all those other taxonomies we didn't bother to mention.
The downfall of drugs are nonetheless other than the mimic chemical reactions of your brain where you pop-shovet in vomit. No. Not even the dried excrement on your areosmith sweater. No again. Not least the ridiculously expensive car you've crashed. Rather, it's when these drugs are removed from your stupid self and given to other stupid people.
Yes. That's right. Have you ever wondered how your daily supplement gets disposed of? Well, it's distributed to actors who are horrible at pretending to be geniune actors - and paid large sums of money to be arrested and flaunt bail money.
To be more precise. The former CSI actor, Gary Dourdan, who looks like an unshaven Macy Gray being assaulted with an abacus of pills has been reportedly been arrested after being in possesion of "a few pills" of ecstacy.
According to reports, police responded to a call that Gary was slamming into two parked cars. Police apparently arrested Gary for possesion of "a few pills" of ecstacy. However, Gary was taken to the chookie, but released on $10,000 bail.
Alas, being rich and black in America means you are fancied by most policemen - regardless of "a few pills" found at the scene, they'll make "a few pills" sound like a full medicine cabinet.
Now you know it. The downfall of drugs is when its removed from your stupid self and given to other stupid people. So don't give stupid people drugs if you are stupid - including all those other taxonomies like Gary Dourdan, we bothered to mention.
The downfall of drugs are nonetheless other than the mimic chemical reactions of your brain where you pop-shovet in vomit. No. Not even the dried excrement on your areosmith sweater. No again. Not least the ridiculously expensive car you've crashed. Rather, it's when these drugs are removed from your stupid self and given to other stupid people.
Yes. That's right. Have you ever wondered how your daily supplement gets disposed of? Well, it's distributed to actors who are horrible at pretending to be geniune actors - and paid large sums of money to be arrested and flaunt bail money.
To be more precise. The former CSI actor, Gary Dourdan, who looks like an unshaven Macy Gray being assaulted with an abacus of pills has been reportedly been arrested after being in possesion of "a few pills" of ecstacy.
According to reports, police responded to a call that Gary was slamming into two parked cars. Police apparently arrested Gary for possesion of "a few pills" of ecstacy. However, Gary was taken to the chookie, but released on $10,000 bail.
Alas, being rich and black in America means you are fancied by most policemen - regardless of "a few pills" found at the scene, they'll make "a few pills" sound like a full medicine cabinet.
Now you know it. The downfall of drugs is when its removed from your stupid self and given to other stupid people. So don't give stupid people drugs if you are stupid - including all those other taxonomies like Gary Dourdan, we bothered to mention.
Monday 13 June 2011
Tori Spelling's Lust For The Paparazzi Is A Good Thing For Kids Who Hate School
Tori Spelling. Just to check our barricaded system of mental confusion, as we nearly forgot to process who this critter actually is - she's more than just a mere crooked off-cut of Gwen Stefani and a spelling error that makes us churn with hearburn - Tori Spelling, as we've been told, apparently starred in that flick Scary movie. It was scary with her in it, and off-putting.
Besides, she now bags on the role of an offspring clutter tucker, to fill the vacant cabinets, along with detergents and household appliances - and clean snot off the furniture, as her brief career as an actor filling in the edited scenes, has appreciatively concluded.
Still, with a hundred-to-one-shot at being absurdly famous, she's being hounded by misdoer paparazzi's. That's right. Apparently the snotty little bastards and the lump growing in her innards, is enthralling her with the desperate attention she by all means requires to make it back on to the rack of a crowd-pleaser, or so.
Tori Spelling was allegedly attacked by an irritating perv paparazzi on monday morning, causing displeasing social commotion while taking her snotty brats to school. She was fizzing like an effervescent at the sight of a paparazzi chasing her that she crashed into the schools wall and, made the kids stupid for yet another day.
On the brightside, this was great, because kids hate the thought of school, and America could use a cavia porcellus to t-off the Chinese.
Still, the paparazzi then ran up to the car to snap picks of Tori and the brats. Luckily, there were mothers with athletic thighs in sweat tracks around, whom chased the paparazzi away.
She took to twitter where she thwart the snotty brats smothering in the back seat - to enlighten our already outrageously awful day with her stifling tweet.
"Paparazzi chased me w/the kids 2school. I was trying to get away from him and had a pretty big accident. Took down the whole wall of the school. He thn STILL got out to try to get pics. 10 school moms chased him away. Wht wll it take? Someone dying for paparazzi to stop? Going to dr now to check on baby. I think its just shock."
Are you folks still breathing? Oh Tori. Look what you have done again.
Besides, she now bags on the role of an offspring clutter tucker, to fill the vacant cabinets, along with detergents and household appliances - and clean snot off the furniture, as her brief career as an actor filling in the edited scenes, has appreciatively concluded.
Still, with a hundred-to-one-shot at being absurdly famous, she's being hounded by misdoer paparazzi's. That's right. Apparently the snotty little bastards and the lump growing in her innards, is enthralling her with the desperate attention she by all means requires to make it back on to the rack of a crowd-pleaser, or so.
Tori Spelling was allegedly attacked by an irritating perv paparazzi on monday morning, causing displeasing social commotion while taking her snotty brats to school. She was fizzing like an effervescent at the sight of a paparazzi chasing her that she crashed into the schools wall and, made the kids stupid for yet another day.
On the brightside, this was great, because kids hate the thought of school, and America could use a cavia porcellus to t-off the Chinese.
Still, the paparazzi then ran up to the car to snap picks of Tori and the brats. Luckily, there were mothers with athletic thighs in sweat tracks around, whom chased the paparazzi away.
She took to twitter where she thwart the snotty brats smothering in the back seat - to enlighten our already outrageously awful day with her stifling tweet.
"Paparazzi chased me w/the kids 2school. I was trying to get away from him and had a pretty big accident. Took down the whole wall of the school. He thn STILL got out to try to get pics. 10 school moms chased him away. Wht wll it take? Someone dying for paparazzi to stop? Going to dr now to check on baby. I think its just shock."
Are you folks still breathing? Oh Tori. Look what you have done again.
Demi Lovato May Not Be A Nutter Any Longer But Has Nutter Objects That Sadly Exists
Demi Lovato has swapped her gashing looks for a despondantly pleasant healthy tweeny with a bloodstreams intoxicated by a litre of polio drops.
She's looking decent these days after being discharged from the paediatric ward, as she totters into the snarling world.
Alas, its only a matter of time before Demi's demons resurface - people like her clad boyfriend with a woman's name, Wilmer Valderrama, and similarily loony mother, summons her inner demons and she butchers herself to the abattoir for slebs. Rehab.
The latter being in the works, the tweeny star now apparently has to contend with a boyfriend who broke up with her because she's as dull-looking as Selena Gomez now that she looks adequately ordinary - and a deranged mother whom reportedly can't handle Demi being gashingly famous.
Sources who are wholly not as exceptionally obnoxious as we at She & Him are, claim that the momentary boring relationship went sour as:
"The age difference meant they were in completely different places in their lives."
Age is nothing but a number, yes? Not really. Demi doesn't think so. She shaves herself more than ol' Wilmer Valderrama does. She's nearly ceased to exist in a slebathon of rehab - whereas he dribbled his lad on divested printed tweenies in heat magazine like a clumsy oaf. He wasn't worth it Demi, ey?
Anyways, matters are more of a schlep for Demi now that her mom's been despatched to the booby hatch, leaving her to totter by herself like Atlas cart all our insults on her undeveloped backside.
According to a source who does not understand the meaning of 'SHUT UP':
"It's been a tough year for Demi, and her mom has been a constant support. But fame has also taken its toll on the family. Now [that] Demi is strong again, her mom could take some time to deal with her own issues."
However, Demi's mother has reportedly completed her medical treatment. So, that said - while Demi handles her mother like a cockamamie entity, such as Tim Allen facing the alien pig lizard on Galaxy Quest - you lot can go ahead and spread those cyber-bulling tactics that you're prone to do.
Hear-hear!
She's looking decent these days after being discharged from the paediatric ward, as she totters into the snarling world.
Alas, its only a matter of time before Demi's demons resurface - people like her clad boyfriend with a woman's name, Wilmer Valderrama, and similarily loony mother, summons her inner demons and she butchers herself to the abattoir for slebs. Rehab.
The latter being in the works, the tweeny star now apparently has to contend with a boyfriend who broke up with her because she's as dull-looking as Selena Gomez now that she looks adequately ordinary - and a deranged mother whom reportedly can't handle Demi being gashingly famous.
Sources who are wholly not as exceptionally obnoxious as we at She & Him are, claim that the momentary boring relationship went sour as:
"The age difference meant they were in completely different places in their lives."
Age is nothing but a number, yes? Not really. Demi doesn't think so. She shaves herself more than ol' Wilmer Valderrama does. She's nearly ceased to exist in a slebathon of rehab - whereas he dribbled his lad on divested printed tweenies in heat magazine like a clumsy oaf. He wasn't worth it Demi, ey?
Anyways, matters are more of a schlep for Demi now that her mom's been despatched to the booby hatch, leaving her to totter by herself like Atlas cart all our insults on her undeveloped backside.
According to a source who does not understand the meaning of 'SHUT UP':
"It's been a tough year for Demi, and her mom has been a constant support. But fame has also taken its toll on the family. Now [that] Demi is strong again, her mom could take some time to deal with her own issues."
However, Demi's mother has reportedly completed her medical treatment. So, that said - while Demi handles her mother like a cockamamie entity, such as Tim Allen facing the alien pig lizard on Galaxy Quest - you lot can go ahead and spread those cyber-bulling tactics that you're prone to do.
Hear-hear!
Soulja Boy Self-Loathes And It's Racism As Usual
Remember Soulja Boy. He was famous for 7-minutes (including the time it took you to bluetooth his crappy songs). His jingles riddled with rhythm of weak elements and polyphonic tones - and sounds of a mule being assaulted with adverbs on a laxative box.
Still, Soulja Boy has made a flunky career out of his sloppy parts of speech - which inevitably pauses you to question how an ignoramus chump with an autrocious grammar and phonics can be rich.
First of all, he doesn't suit the rap stereotype. As embroided in tatoos his layered black skin may be, for all purposes, his terrible acts make us come to think of him like an odd-looking gonzo muppet in saggy-baggy jeans. As Y'know, good ol' american fuzz take felicity in arresting any black bloke who's absurdly rich - yet, soulja boy is a shabby act practically ignored by the most bitter.
Alas, because She & Him writers enjoy being bigots - and you lot have been quite abominably unpleasant lately - soulja boy's fed-up with our distasteful conscience of pickin' on him - he has denounced his percievable tomfoolery with a cuss-back, containing of garbled english on facebook.
soulja boy self-lothes like a bitter enclair:
"WHO THE fuck "likes" an artist on facebook who they don't LIKE. DUMB ASS"
Hold on. We've seen it before. By a show of hands who 'liked' soulja boy's page? Just as we thought. Apparently the slurr duh has a handful of stalkers. YOUUUUU! Unlike that page, okay? soulja boy would like YOUUUUU! to know:
"if you don't LIKE me or my music UNLIKE the page and let the people who do enjoy their artist giving updates and music out. shit getting out of hand now. GTFOH you stalkers"
'GTFOH,' he can't spell, so we'll ask if you've 'unliked' Soulja's page yet? Anyhow, he titters about how lame he is to be loathed at so be free to 'unlike' him. It's legal.
"how can you say "i hate you" blah blah blah. when you are on my page that doesn't make any sense! it sounds crazy you are stalking a person who you don't like WTF kinda sh*t is that. no life having bitches"
Okay. At this point in time Soulja was acting a bit too bashful. He went full-blown at She & Him while we chortle in mirth and vomit. Close your eyes kids, it surpassed the awful lyrics of his tones.
"haters are so fucking stupid! "i dont like soulja boy so im gonna like his facebook and wait till he post a video to be the 1st one to comment" n***a get the fuck out of here get some pussy and stop being lame"
He continued like a castrated Malcolm X, which was funny because the only black people to be offered tea, biscuts and white lassies at a white house, are Obama and Tiger woods.
"pussy ass white boys make me sick man. LET A BLACK MAN SHINE AND DO SOMETHING POSITIVE!!! DAMN YALL ALREADY GOT MONEY AND LIVING RIGHT STOP HOLDING US BLACK PEOPLE DOWN TRYING TO DO SOMETHING POSITIVE WITH THEIR LIVES! YALL BEEN fuckING WITH US SINCE THE BEGINING OF TIME. if i don't like a artist im not going to like their facebook and talk to them. use common sense and stop being stupid"
He took a shot at the honkies too, which was applaudable - because She & Him were no longer implicated in the awful punctuation and grammar tirade.
"IM TIRED OF WHITE PEOPLE DOING US LIKE THIS MAN!! THEY TREAT US SO WRONG! fuck THEM MAN ON GOD!! f*ck THEM FOR LIKING A BLACK MANS FACEBOOK JUST TO TALK shit!! fuck RACIST I HATE YOU"
This beyond doubt made him feel a tad bit liberated after knocking off the crackers and gathering up New Orleans folks because they hate everything that's cracky.
"Maybe I finally said the right shit to get the racist to unlike my page. Fans I'm sorry you had to read this, but we must take a stand. they WILL not treat us like this any longer. I don't give a fuck."
Alas, he has a dimwitted inspirational message for all Y'all kids weeping at how stupid you'll become after listening to his songs:
"just unlike my page and shut the fuck up. let my fans enjoy me. All young people dont let these faggots discourage you from your dreams! you can be anything you want! DESPITE them always trying to hold us down and talk shit! WE ARE GREAT"
Soulja boy also wants to confirm that he's not an alien, doesn't mind you people disliking him and, that he doesn't want you pitying him for making awful tones.
"if you are saying "soulja boy i dont like you now" i dont give a fuck i dont want you on my page anyway. I am going to speak my mind forever. and if something is no right ITS JUST NOT RIGHT! I can't help it i'm a real person with feelings. fuck a hater. and fuck a racist. out."
It's racism as usual. While you racist bastards conk on some Billy Idol we'll demand blogspot to give us a raise for being bigots.
Still, Soulja Boy has made a flunky career out of his sloppy parts of speech - which inevitably pauses you to question how an ignoramus chump with an autrocious grammar and phonics can be rich.
First of all, he doesn't suit the rap stereotype. As embroided in tatoos his layered black skin may be, for all purposes, his terrible acts make us come to think of him like an odd-looking gonzo muppet in saggy-baggy jeans. As Y'know, good ol' american fuzz take felicity in arresting any black bloke who's absurdly rich - yet, soulja boy is a shabby act practically ignored by the most bitter.
Alas, because She & Him writers enjoy being bigots - and you lot have been quite abominably unpleasant lately - soulja boy's fed-up with our distasteful conscience of pickin' on him - he has denounced his percievable tomfoolery with a cuss-back, containing of garbled english on facebook.
soulja boy self-lothes like a bitter enclair:
"WHO THE fuck "likes" an artist on facebook who they don't LIKE. DUMB ASS"
Hold on. We've seen it before. By a show of hands who 'liked' soulja boy's page? Just as we thought. Apparently the slurr duh has a handful of stalkers. YOUUUUU! Unlike that page, okay? soulja boy would like YOUUUUU! to know:
"if you don't LIKE me or my music UNLIKE the page and let the people who do enjoy their artist giving updates and music out. shit getting out of hand now. GTFOH you stalkers"
'GTFOH,' he can't spell, so we'll ask if you've 'unliked' Soulja's page yet? Anyhow, he titters about how lame he is to be loathed at so be free to 'unlike' him. It's legal.
"how can you say "i hate you" blah blah blah. when you are on my page that doesn't make any sense! it sounds crazy you are stalking a person who you don't like WTF kinda sh*t is that. no life having bitches"
Okay. At this point in time Soulja was acting a bit too bashful. He went full-blown at She & Him while we chortle in mirth and vomit. Close your eyes kids, it surpassed the awful lyrics of his tones.
"haters are so fucking stupid! "i dont like soulja boy so im gonna like his facebook and wait till he post a video to be the 1st one to comment" n***a get the fuck out of here get some pussy and stop being lame"
He continued like a castrated Malcolm X, which was funny because the only black people to be offered tea, biscuts and white lassies at a white house, are Obama and Tiger woods.
"pussy ass white boys make me sick man. LET A BLACK MAN SHINE AND DO SOMETHING POSITIVE!!! DAMN YALL ALREADY GOT MONEY AND LIVING RIGHT STOP HOLDING US BLACK PEOPLE DOWN TRYING TO DO SOMETHING POSITIVE WITH THEIR LIVES! YALL BEEN fuckING WITH US SINCE THE BEGINING OF TIME. if i don't like a artist im not going to like their facebook and talk to them. use common sense and stop being stupid"
He took a shot at the honkies too, which was applaudable - because She & Him were no longer implicated in the awful punctuation and grammar tirade.
"IM TIRED OF WHITE PEOPLE DOING US LIKE THIS MAN!! THEY TREAT US SO WRONG! fuck THEM MAN ON GOD!! f*ck THEM FOR LIKING A BLACK MANS FACEBOOK JUST TO TALK shit!! fuck RACIST I HATE YOU"
This beyond doubt made him feel a tad bit liberated after knocking off the crackers and gathering up New Orleans folks because they hate everything that's cracky.
"Maybe I finally said the right shit to get the racist to unlike my page. Fans I'm sorry you had to read this, but we must take a stand. they WILL not treat us like this any longer. I don't give a fuck."
Alas, he has a dimwitted inspirational message for all Y'all kids weeping at how stupid you'll become after listening to his songs:
"just unlike my page and shut the fuck up. let my fans enjoy me. All young people dont let these faggots discourage you from your dreams! you can be anything you want! DESPITE them always trying to hold us down and talk shit! WE ARE GREAT"
Soulja boy also wants to confirm that he's not an alien, doesn't mind you people disliking him and, that he doesn't want you pitying him for making awful tones.
"if you are saying "soulja boy i dont like you now" i dont give a fuck i dont want you on my page anyway. I am going to speak my mind forever. and if something is no right ITS JUST NOT RIGHT! I can't help it i'm a real person with feelings. fuck a hater. and fuck a racist. out."
It's racism as usual. While you racist bastards conk on some Billy Idol we'll demand blogspot to give us a raise for being bigots.
Weston Cage Will Entertainingly Rip Your "Christian Fucking Head" Off!
You can always count on parents to never leave your private and so, so important mortal routine, you call your life, right? That's if they put their effortless nature in to motion, such as to the time in which they'd gleefully pretend to care and froth you with arsewiping pity - or, conceivably thwart you by curtailing the circus net, right? Yet, parents are parents. We loathe at them as much as they loathe one another, and shootoff with mere aloofness at who encourage the shitty ways.
That said, still as misanthropical as we are, we should be knee-scalding appreciative that our so, so annoyingly important parents aren't the likes of the faltering father Nic' Cage and, the improbable mother, Christina Fulton.
Y'see, Weston Cage, a androgynous Ozzy looking chap has had his secondary characteristics beaten to a pulp, allegedly, by his personal trainer, Kevin Villegas (not a She & Him writer, okay?) who was instructed by none the other - yes folks, Nic' Cage.
She & Him has been informed that Kevin Villegas' primary responsibility was to take care of Weston's secondary responsibilities. So when Weston went off the rocker, the au pair was dispatched by none other but Cage to track down the nutter, Weston. Kevin tracked down the nutter in L.A - but the mad man, Weston, apparently relapsed into a state of resistance and aggressiveness, amusingly threatening to rip off Kevin's " Christian fucking head."
The batty nutter attemped to bandy with Kevin and rip the " Christian fucking head" off, with a senseless roundhouse kick he'd probably seen one of those 3 ninja kids flicks (ridiculously guttering him flat on the back), setting the scene for a lethal dose of 13 punched-embroidary on his nutty skull - while innumerable folks jittered in amuse (She & Him perhaps? *wink*) watched on to make the brawl the least fair.
Yet, his so, so redundant parents are so, so important that they have to loathe one another in the most annoying manner - to the extent that Weston now has to have brain trauma evaluation. Great.
Christina Fulton has apparently been banned by Weston, as Christina ran to the media blaming Nic' Cage for her so-called tranny son's amusing altercation.
Y'see, you can always count on parents to never leave your private and so, so important mortal routine, you call your life. Yes! That's if they put their effortless nature in to motion, such as to the time in which they'd gleefully pretend to care and froth you with arsewiping pity - or, conceivably thwart you by curtailing the circus net. Yes! Yet, parents are parents. We loathe at them as much as they loathe one another, and shootoff with mere aloofness at who encouraged the shitty ways.
Jesus Christ!
That said, still as misanthropical as we are, we should be knee-scalding appreciative that our so, so annoyingly important parents aren't the likes of the faltering father Nic' Cage and, the improbable mother, Christina Fulton.
Y'see, Weston Cage, a androgynous Ozzy looking chap has had his secondary characteristics beaten to a pulp, allegedly, by his personal trainer, Kevin Villegas (not a She & Him writer, okay?) who was instructed by none the other - yes folks, Nic' Cage.
She & Him has been informed that Kevin Villegas' primary responsibility was to take care of Weston's secondary responsibilities. So when Weston went off the rocker, the au pair was dispatched by none other but Cage to track down the nutter, Weston. Kevin tracked down the nutter in L.A - but the mad man, Weston, apparently relapsed into a state of resistance and aggressiveness, amusingly threatening to rip off Kevin's " Christian fucking head."
The batty nutter attemped to bandy with Kevin and rip the " Christian fucking head" off, with a senseless roundhouse kick he'd probably seen one of those 3 ninja kids flicks (ridiculously guttering him flat on the back), setting the scene for a lethal dose of 13 punched-embroidary on his nutty skull - while innumerable folks jittered in amuse (She & Him perhaps? *wink*) watched on to make the brawl the least fair.
Yet, his so, so redundant parents are so, so important that they have to loathe one another in the most annoying manner - to the extent that Weston now has to have brain trauma evaluation. Great.
Christina Fulton has apparently been banned by Weston, as Christina ran to the media blaming Nic' Cage for her so-called tranny son's amusing altercation.
Y'see, you can always count on parents to never leave your private and so, so important mortal routine, you call your life. Yes! That's if they put their effortless nature in to motion, such as to the time in which they'd gleefully pretend to care and froth you with arsewiping pity - or, conceivably thwart you by curtailing the circus net. Yes! Yet, parents are parents. We loathe at them as much as they loathe one another, and shootoff with mere aloofness at who encouraged the shitty ways.
Jesus Christ!
Thursday 9 June 2011
In fifteen minutes LeAnn Rimes will become famous thanks to an alleged sextape, and She & Him
When Andy Warhol distorted the alphabet and manipulated mortal desperation into ink to perplex pathetic mortals with the notion, "In fifteen minutes everybody will be famous" - he forgot to consult the likes of She & Him.
Because we're obnoxiously uncultured and insensitive (including all those other synonyms you could zap out of the thesaurus), we feel obliged to tamper and corrupt the quote to the standards of She & Him.
Yes. It's hard to live up to the American dream - in other words to be ridiculously famous and filthy rich at the expense of stupid people. Everybody hankers for a lick and taste of the sweet pastry leaking through America's brown eyed willy.
Yet, there are the sort whom are insufficient - they have the atypical fame and hateful riches, still they're boring as they diminish into the Hollywood backdrop - til' they get their fifteen minutes of fame. Such as LeAnn Rimes.
Yes folks. It appears that LeAnn Rimes in good ol' American style, apparently filmed a sextape with her ex husband, Dean Sheremet.
It's become quite monotonous with all these masses of sextapes floating around like E. coli - and all these attention-seeking slebs gleefully star in it, to make us repulsively fancy them. Yet, they deny that it couldn't possibly be them - to buy them enough time to hire a stupid lawyer and woefully scramble to blow off its release.
And, LeAnn Rimes, of all the densely capacitated mortals to roam the world, besides for being impractically tedious - somehow she's mistakenly left a sextape in a truck which Star Magazine has miraculously gotten hold of.
According to Star Magazine, borebag LeAnn features "bending over in front of a mirror" in a thong, and other things which are too awful to even recall. Apparently she's "desperate" to block its release now that she's auspiciously made a headline or two.
In the meantime the aloof co-star of the sextape, and also ex hubs' to LeAnn, Dean Sheremet, being less of a cunt admits:
"Things like this happen! We were married for 8 years, we did a lot of shit!"
Icky mishaps happen for unknown reasons, yet they're willingly put into place - even if you're wholly dull and ill-suited in thongs. LeAnn now joins the ranks of JLo and Kim - somewhere in-between the category of "desperate" and "a lot of shit."
So, we at She & Him distorted the alphabet, and manipulated mortal desperation into a snotty citation aimed at LeAnn's uncanny plight.
"In fifteen minutes LeAnn Rimes will be famous, because of a alleged sextape." - She & Him
Because we're obnoxiously uncultured and insensitive (including all those other synonyms you could zap out of the thesaurus), we feel obliged to tamper and corrupt the quote to the standards of She & Him.
Yes. It's hard to live up to the American dream - in other words to be ridiculously famous and filthy rich at the expense of stupid people. Everybody hankers for a lick and taste of the sweet pastry leaking through America's brown eyed willy.
Yet, there are the sort whom are insufficient - they have the atypical fame and hateful riches, still they're boring as they diminish into the Hollywood backdrop - til' they get their fifteen minutes of fame. Such as LeAnn Rimes.
Yes folks. It appears that LeAnn Rimes in good ol' American style, apparently filmed a sextape with her ex husband, Dean Sheremet.
It's become quite monotonous with all these masses of sextapes floating around like E. coli - and all these attention-seeking slebs gleefully star in it, to make us repulsively fancy them. Yet, they deny that it couldn't possibly be them - to buy them enough time to hire a stupid lawyer and woefully scramble to blow off its release.
And, LeAnn Rimes, of all the densely capacitated mortals to roam the world, besides for being impractically tedious - somehow she's mistakenly left a sextape in a truck which Star Magazine has miraculously gotten hold of.
According to Star Magazine, borebag LeAnn features "bending over in front of a mirror" in a thong, and other things which are too awful to even recall. Apparently she's "desperate" to block its release now that she's auspiciously made a headline or two.
In the meantime the aloof co-star of the sextape, and also ex hubs' to LeAnn, Dean Sheremet, being less of a cunt admits:
"Things like this happen! We were married for 8 years, we did a lot of shit!"
Icky mishaps happen for unknown reasons, yet they're willingly put into place - even if you're wholly dull and ill-suited in thongs. LeAnn now joins the ranks of JLo and Kim - somewhere in-between the category of "desperate" and "a lot of shit."
So, we at She & Him distorted the alphabet, and manipulated mortal desperation into a snotty citation aimed at LeAnn's uncanny plight.
"In fifteen minutes LeAnn Rimes will be famous, because of a alleged sextape." - She & Him
Ultimate Warrior Loathes Hulk Hogan For Alleged Drug Tweaking, And Wife-Swap Offerings
Remember the time when WWE wanted to make us believe that its geniunely rad?
Where superstars plump from steriods and choked in leotards, would collectively grapple like a train-wreck through rent-a-center quality tables, ladders and chairs.
The sort of rivals would always fast-paced, trash-talk each other with charisma and settle their differences in a fixed-match where they would wrassle each other with proffesional affection.
Alas, the bitter gash between two of the most stupid wrestlers to ever step foot and all in the ring - the incredible Hulk, no, not the creme-soda tan broceli-figurine - rather Hulk Hogan, the bedraggled sheer polythylene shirt shank - that flickers now and then on WWE to repraise his role of Hulkamania - has now been accused by his long-time foe, the Ultimate Warrior, for being a junkie and wife-swap enthusiast.
Yes devotee hulkamaniacs. Toss your Hulkamania sweat and snot shirts into wardrobe, or fire if you wish to over-exaggerate. The Ultimate Warrior has reportedly released a 55-minute video footage, in which he claims that the pug-face Hogan's a crack "dope head" who once lured the Ultimate Warrior to have sex with his wife.
Hogan meaninglessly tweaked back, we mean tweeted, on his Twitter page (which does not contain any traces of crack, apart from users). Where he gets his inspiration from, we have not the slightest two hoots.
"I have no interest to even lower myself to communicate with [Warrior]."
Hulk has no interest, allegedly in the Ultimate Warrior - nor his wife for that matter. He's allegedly preoccupied with bingeing on drugs. Might we add, kids. Drugs are bad. It's a common fact. But Y'see, that's all that Hulk's allegedly good at.
Still, when will this squabble ever end, you may ask? Our thoughts at She & Him - we don't know and we don't care - so don't bother asking us.
Where superstars plump from steriods and choked in leotards, would collectively grapple like a train-wreck through rent-a-center quality tables, ladders and chairs.
The sort of rivals would always fast-paced, trash-talk each other with charisma and settle their differences in a fixed-match where they would wrassle each other with proffesional affection.
Alas, the bitter gash between two of the most stupid wrestlers to ever step foot and all in the ring - the incredible Hulk, no, not the creme-soda tan broceli-figurine - rather Hulk Hogan, the bedraggled sheer polythylene shirt shank - that flickers now and then on WWE to repraise his role of Hulkamania - has now been accused by his long-time foe, the Ultimate Warrior, for being a junkie and wife-swap enthusiast.
Yes devotee hulkamaniacs. Toss your Hulkamania sweat and snot shirts into wardrobe, or fire if you wish to over-exaggerate. The Ultimate Warrior has reportedly released a 55-minute video footage, in which he claims that the pug-face Hogan's a crack "dope head" who once lured the Ultimate Warrior to have sex with his wife.
Hogan meaninglessly tweaked back, we mean tweeted, on his Twitter page (which does not contain any traces of crack, apart from users). Where he gets his inspiration from, we have not the slightest two hoots.
"I have no interest to even lower myself to communicate with [Warrior]."
Hulk has no interest, allegedly in the Ultimate Warrior - nor his wife for that matter. He's allegedly preoccupied with bingeing on drugs. Might we add, kids. Drugs are bad. It's a common fact. But Y'see, that's all that Hulk's allegedly good at.
Still, when will this squabble ever end, you may ask? Our thoughts at She & Him - we don't know and we don't care - so don't bother asking us.
Zach Galifianakis Thinks Ke$ha's Music Is Bad, And The Stupid Movie He Stars In, You Stupid Parents Allow Your Stupid Kids To Watch
Zach Galifianakis - a combination of an autistic Fred Flintstone and an unshaved Har Mar superstar - is a classic class act of how barbarously handsome and flossy a few Hollywood actors are. He's boorishly a man of many talents - both on screen and off - for one we at She & Him recognize - for his blunt honesty in loathing how appallingly abhorrent Ke$ha is off screen.
Thats right! In a recent interview in Rolling Stone, Galifianakis responded to an email from Ke$ha asking him to meet up for a drink, which he had not responded to.
In the most aspiring and insincere excuse, he growls:
"I saw that Ke$ha woman the other day. She was sitting by herself, and I walked up to her and said, Listen, I got your e-mail. Your music is really bad! I don't know who listens to it, but I imagine it's, like, six-year-olds - and it's a bad message.'"
We're giving six-year-olds the wrong impression. Yet, We doubt six-year-olds listen to her coo about how she's about to blow every creature. We can imagine Ke$ha's creampie face, like a washed-out Ashley Tisdale having her usual cracked-up episode feeling as stupid as she is useless. And don't forget - she was almost readily about to blow him to. After she shaved him.
Still, Galifianakis should be hailed for his blazen bravery of complimenting Ke$ha on what an awful infuence she is on six-year-olds - to lay-off bore bag parental organizations. Alas, Galifianakis also advised stupid parents not to allow their kids to watch his stupid movie 'Hangover II' where he roams around unco-ordinated like a biped.
Galifianakis' boorishly a man of many talents.
*silently scream from within*
Thats right! In a recent interview in Rolling Stone, Galifianakis responded to an email from Ke$ha asking him to meet up for a drink, which he had not responded to.
In the most aspiring and insincere excuse, he growls:
"I saw that Ke$ha woman the other day. She was sitting by herself, and I walked up to her and said, Listen, I got your e-mail. Your music is really bad! I don't know who listens to it, but I imagine it's, like, six-year-olds - and it's a bad message.'"
We're giving six-year-olds the wrong impression. Yet, We doubt six-year-olds listen to her coo about how she's about to blow every creature. We can imagine Ke$ha's creampie face, like a washed-out Ashley Tisdale having her usual cracked-up episode feeling as stupid as she is useless. And don't forget - she was almost readily about to blow him to. After she shaved him.
Still, Galifianakis should be hailed for his blazen bravery of complimenting Ke$ha on what an awful infuence she is on six-year-olds - to lay-off bore bag parental organizations. Alas, Galifianakis also advised stupid parents not to allow their kids to watch his stupid movie 'Hangover II' where he roams around unco-ordinated like a biped.
Galifianakis' boorishly a man of many talents.
*silently scream from within*
Locnville Assaulted By "fucking police"
Locnville - are two offish crass-looking brothers whom supposedly make music, with a ferous larynx and a mishmash of nintendo 64 jingles.
For those of you who are completely oblivious to their horrible live performances - they are apparently an electro pop due from South Africa, who can't sing nor fight - and enjoy being sucker-punched.
Yes that's right folkies! A Mob of angry South African folks allegedly confronted them about how awfully crassy they are, at a petrol station in Claremont, Cape Town. And the fuzz thought so to, as they maced one of the clods.
The pop clods, Brian and Andrew Chaplin, claim that a fight erupted after a group of folks called them "fags" and "wankers" - and police intervened to stop the fight which is hysterical because when the South African police intervenes, they have policies to beat the shit out of you. And the Loc' clods hopelessly can't fight, even when aggresively intoxicated with cosmopolitans, and all those other pink drinks.
Twitter reports:
"Locnville was just assaulted by police officers."
Good or bad? 1) Good - police are there to serve society with police brutality, and society is bent at ears with their sloppy music. 2) Bad - we'll tiresomely be bore to death with their whining - about how they'll be moving to New Zealand and Australia - because like most deranged pink-faced white asylum folks, South Africa is a shit place.
According to their Facebook page, as they are desperately attention-seeking - which you can see by the overuse of the exclaimation and question marks.
"Locnville was just assaulted by the SAPS!!!!!! Brian was maced in the face and our best friend punched in the face by fucking police!!!!!! Can you believe it????? What happend to South Africa????"
So the clod was assumingly maced in the face by one of the worlds most unresourceful "fucking police" force. It was probably a tin-can of axe which the polite "fucking police" sprayed onto the reeking drunks. What polite and caring "fucking police" with their stomachs out and chest in, ey??????!!!!!!
Where are the "fucking" travel agents??????
For those of you who are completely oblivious to their horrible live performances - they are apparently an electro pop due from South Africa, who can't sing nor fight - and enjoy being sucker-punched.
Yes that's right folkies! A Mob of angry South African folks allegedly confronted them about how awfully crassy they are, at a petrol station in Claremont, Cape Town. And the fuzz thought so to, as they maced one of the clods.
The pop clods, Brian and Andrew Chaplin, claim that a fight erupted after a group of folks called them "fags" and "wankers" - and police intervened to stop the fight which is hysterical because when the South African police intervenes, they have policies to beat the shit out of you. And the Loc' clods hopelessly can't fight, even when aggresively intoxicated with cosmopolitans, and all those other pink drinks.
Twitter reports:
"Locnville was just assaulted by police officers."
Good or bad? 1) Good - police are there to serve society with police brutality, and society is bent at ears with their sloppy music. 2) Bad - we'll tiresomely be bore to death with their whining - about how they'll be moving to New Zealand and Australia - because like most deranged pink-faced white asylum folks, South Africa is a shit place.
According to their Facebook page, as they are desperately attention-seeking - which you can see by the overuse of the exclaimation and question marks.
"Locnville was just assaulted by the SAPS!!!!!! Brian was maced in the face and our best friend punched in the face by fucking police!!!!!! Can you believe it????? What happend to South Africa????"
So the clod was assumingly maced in the face by one of the worlds most unresourceful "fucking police" force. It was probably a tin-can of axe which the polite "fucking police" sprayed onto the reeking drunks. What polite and caring "fucking police" with their stomachs out and chest in, ey??????!!!!!!
Where are the "fucking" travel agents??????
Wednesday 8 June 2011
Sienna Miller Satisfied With Sincere Apologies (Of £100 00) For Publicized Privates
Just to clear things up in the most informal manner. She & Him is a highly specialized snot blog, aimlessly subsidised, among others, by blogspot - and not a shitty tabloid. We're awful at apologizing - we've tried it on numerous ocassions since April - yet we've failed endlessly at being the least proffesional.
Speaking of being proffesional - tabloids. Yes. Those shitty tabloids that floss slebs crevices in a storage room to give them the urgent attention they neccesitate. What the world would be without these shitty tabloids - callous, harsh, crude and brutally unsympathetic - because all tabloids really do is apologize in large font headlines bout' what a terrible 1-ply newsprint they are for publicizing daffy slebs that crust our eyelids.
For one, the U.K tabloid that presents motionless cod news about slebs, The News of the World, has offered "sincere apologies" to Sienna Miller. Because she's a dwindeled canvas of Katherine Heigl - and by all means a nonentity when brought out to the open air. No. The News of the World found Sienna so agitately boring, that they had to hack into her cellphone messages to dig up something captivating about her.
According to Miller's lawyer, Michael Silverleaf, numerous articles contained "intrusive and private information," which most certainly exposed how boringly dull she is. The tabloid's also known for publishing innumerable artless slebs private information they hacked - before these menial slebs cease to exist.
Anyways, to show you folks how comatosely boring Sienna consequently is - ones "sincere apologies" for viewing her insignificant privates will be compensated in a handsome £100 000.
Yawn. What would the world be without tabloids.
Speaking of being proffesional - tabloids. Yes. Those shitty tabloids that floss slebs crevices in a storage room to give them the urgent attention they neccesitate. What the world would be without these shitty tabloids - callous, harsh, crude and brutally unsympathetic - because all tabloids really do is apologize in large font headlines bout' what a terrible 1-ply newsprint they are for publicizing daffy slebs that crust our eyelids.
For one, the U.K tabloid that presents motionless cod news about slebs, The News of the World, has offered "sincere apologies" to Sienna Miller. Because she's a dwindeled canvas of Katherine Heigl - and by all means a nonentity when brought out to the open air. No. The News of the World found Sienna so agitately boring, that they had to hack into her cellphone messages to dig up something captivating about her.
According to Miller's lawyer, Michael Silverleaf, numerous articles contained "intrusive and private information," which most certainly exposed how boringly dull she is. The tabloid's also known for publishing innumerable artless slebs private information they hacked - before these menial slebs cease to exist.
Anyways, to show you folks how comatosely boring Sienna consequently is - ones "sincere apologies" for viewing her insignificant privates will be compensated in a handsome £100 000.
Yawn. What would the world be without tabloids.
William Cancels Possible Ambush On Kate By Arnie'
William - a pretty decent chap - set to piss the world off (along with his eclipsed wife Kate who's jostered behind Pippa's mooning posterior), on a royal tour to bore the seemingly unattentive stupid robots to electric malfunction - politely said, clinical brain-damage.
With that said, William seemingly jolts the impression of a content fellow with a vinyl masked face, and gleefully beaming impotent imperium with his counterproductive plastic silverware - absolutely no ounce of fluid to gage venom or rage. He's barely an ordinary human, hence he was pledged to royalty by a generous god due to his disabling lack of talent. Not that he needs it, ey?
Alas folks. This tame and timid bloke often undermined by She & Him should not be cut to the quick. Although he's a stupid person - the bloke has some sort of human-like traits embedded within his dainty cartridge.
Also, it's snoozingly apparent that everyone practically fancied the tellybox when Pippa acquinted folks with her sunlight depriving posterior - and Kate? Need we say more or should we. Let's just call it, 'there's something about Kate', because we're unresponsively rude today.
Still, 'there's something about Kate' which has the royal mammal's briefs in a knot or so. Yes folks. William and Kate have canceled their meeting with Arnold and gave up on California dreaming, now that California's no longer safe with Arnie prowling the streets.
According to a source whom requested that their identity be witheld:
"Organizers of the royal visit had been talking about a private meeting with Schwarzenegger at the British consul-general's Los Angeles residence, but now that plan has been abandoned."
Kate was probably concerned that Arnie might stick his abandoned member through her duffel apparel.
After all, 'there's something about Kate' - and William a seemingly content fellow with a vinyl masked face, and gleefully beaming impotent imperium with counterproductive plastic silverware - could slag it off and maybe Arnie could be the surrogate to junior.
Have a ding dong day.
With that said, William seemingly jolts the impression of a content fellow with a vinyl masked face, and gleefully beaming impotent imperium with his counterproductive plastic silverware - absolutely no ounce of fluid to gage venom or rage. He's barely an ordinary human, hence he was pledged to royalty by a generous god due to his disabling lack of talent. Not that he needs it, ey?
Alas folks. This tame and timid bloke often undermined by She & Him should not be cut to the quick. Although he's a stupid person - the bloke has some sort of human-like traits embedded within his dainty cartridge.
Also, it's snoozingly apparent that everyone practically fancied the tellybox when Pippa acquinted folks with her sunlight depriving posterior - and Kate? Need we say more or should we. Let's just call it, 'there's something about Kate', because we're unresponsively rude today.
Still, 'there's something about Kate' which has the royal mammal's briefs in a knot or so. Yes folks. William and Kate have canceled their meeting with Arnold and gave up on California dreaming, now that California's no longer safe with Arnie prowling the streets.
According to a source whom requested that their identity be witheld:
"Organizers of the royal visit had been talking about a private meeting with Schwarzenegger at the British consul-general's Los Angeles residence, but now that plan has been abandoned."
Kate was probably concerned that Arnie might stick his abandoned member through her duffel apparel.
After all, 'there's something about Kate' - and William a seemingly content fellow with a vinyl masked face, and gleefully beaming impotent imperium with counterproductive plastic silverware - could slag it off and maybe Arnie could be the surrogate to junior.
Have a ding dong day.
Khloe Kardashian Apparently Loved The Nip Flash, Still We're Collectively Unattracted To Her
Khloe Kardashian - the needy hand-me-down hassock out of the lot - constantly seeking attention in the shadows of Kim K's gluteus maximus badonkadonk - has attempted to excite folks into latching on to the notion, that she's the appealing one out of the lot, with a nip slip.
Yesssssirie! That's right folks! In an interview on Fox and Friends both the 'Keeping up with the Kardashians' stars, Khloe and Kourtney, waned into the backdrop when Khloe practically flashed her nipple.
Khloe's apparently more excited than we remotely are. So it's far to say that this was not your average blooper - as in She & Him's records it was far from a mere nip slip - she succesfully flashed it off for attention hoping some perv would be duped into getting sexually aroused - and feel the bit attraction to her exhausted-appearing mammary teat.
Khloe still foolishly hyped at her premeditated stunt, took her taunting to the sleb confession cubicle, Twitter:
"I had a nip slip and loved it. My mom just called me saying my nip slip is all over the internet. Ha! Is it weird that I love it?"
The stylist prossibly advised Khloe to strap on a bra, as its by any chance the only garment that's fitting. Alas Khloe shrugged off the bra and hit the stage with 'go-go-gadget' boobie in her blouse.
"Being the naughty girl that I am I disobeyed and went bra-less. Personally I love when women show their nipples - perhaps I was a member of a nudist colony in my last life."
We tiresomely concur that Khloe is an attention-seeking flasher who wants us to know that she is more attractive than both Kim and Kourtney because she was apparently some reincarnated nudist that went undocumented throughout history as she's not an attractive spectacle.
There you have it folks. She loved it more than we did. And she loves women's busts just as much as you pervs do. It's all over the internet for you to grapple your member.
Mind if we at She & Him do a pen nib slip?
Yesssssirie! That's right folks! In an interview on Fox and Friends both the 'Keeping up with the Kardashians' stars, Khloe and Kourtney, waned into the backdrop when Khloe practically flashed her nipple.
Khloe's apparently more excited than we remotely are. So it's far to say that this was not your average blooper - as in She & Him's records it was far from a mere nip slip - she succesfully flashed it off for attention hoping some perv would be duped into getting sexually aroused - and feel the bit attraction to her exhausted-appearing mammary teat.
Khloe still foolishly hyped at her premeditated stunt, took her taunting to the sleb confession cubicle, Twitter:
"I had a nip slip and loved it. My mom just called me saying my nip slip is all over the internet. Ha! Is it weird that I love it?"
The stylist prossibly advised Khloe to strap on a bra, as its by any chance the only garment that's fitting. Alas Khloe shrugged off the bra and hit the stage with 'go-go-gadget' boobie in her blouse.
"Being the naughty girl that I am I disobeyed and went bra-less. Personally I love when women show their nipples - perhaps I was a member of a nudist colony in my last life."
We tiresomely concur that Khloe is an attention-seeking flasher who wants us to know that she is more attractive than both Kim and Kourtney because she was apparently some reincarnated nudist that went undocumented throughout history as she's not an attractive spectacle.
There you have it folks. She loved it more than we did. And she loves women's busts just as much as you pervs do. It's all over the internet for you to grapple your member.
Mind if we at She & Him do a pen nib slip?
Tuesday 7 June 2011
Josh Duhamel (Who?) Reiterates Unheard Of Role In All My Children
Off-putting. Lock all the wrist-slitting needy pockmark women in the dwellings!
The supposed actor (poser if Y'like), Josh Dumbcamel (craves attention to such an extent that he'll do anything to receive it), will be making a bland cameo appearance on the unpleasant daytime rubbish soapie All My Children - for all you saggy unwanted loner housewives to coo about.
Ten years ago the minger known as Josh, jump-started his acting (again - posing if Y'like) on AMC as Leo du Pres, a con artist and will be resurrected from the dead for one last breathe at a norey appearance, thankfully to a place called 'Pine Valley' where collective blokes bonk bliss Babe.
After ten years we still don't know who this turd is, but apparently he slagged butterface Fergie. With AMC at the end of the rope like a wizened scrotum blowing in wind - we at She & Him will sickeningly gack at the forthcoming torment informercials will put the telly through a thousand volts of electric bolts.
AMC wasn't that bad, ey? At least it layed off those shitty informercials. Still, nobody gave a blinking eyelid - not even Usher which explains why he has screaming fans. Imagine She & Him asking Usher, 'how many times have you seen AMC?'
Usher pressumingly answering, 'No. I've never seen All My Children before.'
Double-check, Eh?
The supposed actor (poser if Y'like), Josh Dumbcamel (craves attention to such an extent that he'll do anything to receive it), will be making a bland cameo appearance on the unpleasant daytime rubbish soapie All My Children - for all you saggy unwanted loner housewives to coo about.
Ten years ago the minger known as Josh, jump-started his acting (again - posing if Y'like) on AMC as Leo du Pres, a con artist and will be resurrected from the dead for one last breathe at a norey appearance, thankfully to a place called 'Pine Valley' where collective blokes bonk bliss Babe.
After ten years we still don't know who this turd is, but apparently he slagged butterface Fergie. With AMC at the end of the rope like a wizened scrotum blowing in wind - we at She & Him will sickeningly gack at the forthcoming torment informercials will put the telly through a thousand volts of electric bolts.
AMC wasn't that bad, ey? At least it layed off those shitty informercials. Still, nobody gave a blinking eyelid - not even Usher which explains why he has screaming fans. Imagine She & Him asking Usher, 'how many times have you seen AMC?'
Usher pressumingly answering, 'No. I've never seen All My Children before.'
Double-check, Eh?
Lady Gaga Was Born An Unusual Way From Censorious Lebanese Christian Crankers
Remember that time when we thought Christina Aguilera was weird? No seriously, she was strange and wonderful - just another premature delivered casualty, right?
She extremely grotty at being reportedly intoxicated - we uneventfully refused to yawn an insult at her. She's astoundingly a hideous-looking barbie - we at She & Him still don't get her as she's characterless - and colorlessly pigmented like a laundry detergent.
Now take this borebag - spice it with a distasteful, creepy sexuality - and all those toxic chemicals - you get Lady Gaga - an awful-inspiring spectacle.
Truth be told. Lady Gaga is freakishly popular, without a doubt, as she makes records sales a mere intake of pancakes - and boring artists look exceptionally flimsy and disinteresting. Alas, for the sake of usual short term interest, we won't dwell on how brilliantly unusual she is. As a matter of fact it wouldn't be too appetizing.
If you noob to the sphere of Gaga ambience, you should know as the case may be, that Gaga's album is the fastest-selling album, this year, in every country, but that irregular country that goes unheard of - and disapears in a blink of the eye throughout the year. Yes it's Lebanon.
According to the unsatisfying to the sense government reports, the album's banned from stores due to "alleged insults to Christianity" and "it's all round 'bad taste.'"
Your guesses, believably, are as good as our ballpark. Christians are crappy folks. They accidently on purpose, hate everything that's ethically and morally honest and unrelated to Jesus. They are offended by ice cream ads on Youtube - and Jim Gaffigan's postcard jokes.
They likely assume Gaga to be the devil and endlessly pray til' they eventually go gaga.
Still, nobody cares whether or not the Lebanese government bans the album. Who cares. Prayer doesn't work and insults work better anyways.
She extremely grotty at being reportedly intoxicated - we uneventfully refused to yawn an insult at her. She's astoundingly a hideous-looking barbie - we at She & Him still don't get her as she's characterless - and colorlessly pigmented like a laundry detergent.
Now take this borebag - spice it with a distasteful, creepy sexuality - and all those toxic chemicals - you get Lady Gaga - an awful-inspiring spectacle.
Truth be told. Lady Gaga is freakishly popular, without a doubt, as she makes records sales a mere intake of pancakes - and boring artists look exceptionally flimsy and disinteresting. Alas, for the sake of usual short term interest, we won't dwell on how brilliantly unusual she is. As a matter of fact it wouldn't be too appetizing.
If you noob to the sphere of Gaga ambience, you should know as the case may be, that Gaga's album is the fastest-selling album, this year, in every country, but that irregular country that goes unheard of - and disapears in a blink of the eye throughout the year. Yes it's Lebanon.
According to the unsatisfying to the sense government reports, the album's banned from stores due to "alleged insults to Christianity" and "it's all round 'bad taste.'"
Your guesses, believably, are as good as our ballpark. Christians are crappy folks. They accidently on purpose, hate everything that's ethically and morally honest and unrelated to Jesus. They are offended by ice cream ads on Youtube - and Jim Gaffigan's postcard jokes.
They likely assume Gaga to be the devil and endlessly pray til' they eventually go gaga.
Still, nobody cares whether or not the Lebanese government bans the album. Who cares. Prayer doesn't work and insults work better anyways.
France Apparently Bans Imaginary Friends - Facebook And Twitter From Tv/Radio
France is looniously a strange inanimate begrudging hag which we attracted to for unknown purposes. Take the shabby critter Erika Eiffel, whom supposedly had a sexual attraction to the Eiffel Tower. If we had known we would've handed it a dildo.
And, don't forget Hitler's sexual frustration - ordering it to be destroyed because Germans could possibly only scaffold walls.
Of all the things that the French could possibly ban, like awful pennycatch French accordion music, stupid annoying french Ronald McDonald mimes and awful english diction creatures- the French have banned the use of Facebook and Twitter on Tv/Radio, probably because they're terribly phonated.
Apparently the French government is as annoyed as we are - as Facebook and Twitter is mentioned after every other word - and that it's unfair to other social networking sites; Bebo, Myspace, the creep peado sort.
Soon they'll probably be banning circus nets, English (which could be a good thing) and stupid people cooing their opinions about France banning the burqa.
Can someone have a word with France please?
And, don't forget Hitler's sexual frustration - ordering it to be destroyed because Germans could possibly only scaffold walls.
Of all the things that the French could possibly ban, like awful pennycatch French accordion music, stupid annoying french Ronald McDonald mimes and awful english diction creatures- the French have banned the use of Facebook and Twitter on Tv/Radio, probably because they're terribly phonated.
Apparently the French government is as annoyed as we are - as Facebook and Twitter is mentioned after every other word - and that it's unfair to other social networking sites; Bebo, Myspace, the creep peado sort.
Soon they'll probably be banning circus nets, English (which could be a good thing) and stupid people cooing their opinions about France banning the burqa.
Can someone have a word with France please?
Congressman Anthony Weiner Has Itchy Internet Sensation Crotch
Anthony Weiner - a mishmash between a grody-looking Lea Michele and a biped alias of a penis fabricated under the name of a sausage, has admitted to sending gawdy pics' of his penis to 'young female fans'.
In other words the democrat congressman had online relationships with six perverted creatures over the years on the internet, which is worth a tear or two, probably because he realised how lustfully grotty he is.
Anyhow, to make matters absurdly batty, he denied sending a close-up picture via his Twitter account of his tingling crotch in cruddy stained undies' that reached a woman in Seattle. However, after possibly planting the seed of doubt and due to enormous pressure he finally admitted to revealing his creepy crotch to numerous disturbed hussies.
Weiner (Sausage/Penis, which your preference) pathetically sobs:
"The picture was of me and I sent it. I am deeply sorry for the pain this has caused."
The tainted internet sensation adds:
"I don't know what I was thinking. This was destructive things to do."
It doesn't get more damaging than this folks. "I don't know what I was thinking", now we're all fucked. Pack your bags and leave, warp to anything but those six hussies for all we care, before bovine Shelly gets home.
Itchy crotch crummy baby-kissers always blabber about our last expedient to make themselves look 'good', when not in crotchy attire. And here at She & Him we thought congressman shag antique cabinets.
Okay. NOW RUUUUUUUUUN!
In other words the democrat congressman had online relationships with six perverted creatures over the years on the internet, which is worth a tear or two, probably because he realised how lustfully grotty he is.
Anyhow, to make matters absurdly batty, he denied sending a close-up picture via his Twitter account of his tingling crotch in cruddy stained undies' that reached a woman in Seattle. However, after possibly planting the seed of doubt and due to enormous pressure he finally admitted to revealing his creepy crotch to numerous disturbed hussies.
Weiner (Sausage/Penis, which your preference) pathetically sobs:
"The picture was of me and I sent it. I am deeply sorry for the pain this has caused."
The tainted internet sensation adds:
"I don't know what I was thinking. This was destructive things to do."
It doesn't get more damaging than this folks. "I don't know what I was thinking", now we're all fucked. Pack your bags and leave, warp to anything but those six hussies for all we care, before bovine Shelly gets home.
Itchy crotch crummy baby-kissers always blabber about our last expedient to make themselves look 'good', when not in crotchy attire. And here at She & Him we thought congressman shag antique cabinets.
Okay. NOW RUUUUUUUUUN!
Monday 6 June 2011
Kim K Getting Married In 2 Months Time
Kim K's planning a wedding in 2 months time Y'know, and you stupid people are uninvited. Stupid people watched William and Kate's wedding Y'know, because it was tiresomely dreary, made us bang the telly against the urinal every time we saw Huw Edwards and, sexually disorientated us with the Queen looking like skimmed lemon fancies.
That's right! Kim K's planning a wedding of the century after beau Kris Humphries cocked the broomstick and kneeled on one foot.
According to an insider whom we assumed to be invited and as happy as all you stupid uninvited people are. It claims:
"The wedding will happen within six to eight weeks. The wedding shower will take place about a month from now, they're doing things very, very quickly. It's being fast-tracked."
Furthermore, in an attempt to develop schemas for stupid outsiders, Kim K's hoping to putting weddings back on the rack and, rival the boringly uncompetitive and unreceptive wedding of William and Kate.
According to an unoticeable friend of Kim. It coughs and farts:
"Kim is planning the wedding of the century. She doesn't see why a royal wedding should get more attention than hers. She sees herself as a bigger celebrity than Kate Middleton."
Of course, truth be told, anything yet everything was more fevereshly popular than Kate in a frock with her flattened bike-rack on her wedding day. Every speck of organism focused on Pippa's ventilator, which explains why doors were shut and eyeballs glued to the tellybox.
Yet, masses turned out at the wedding, yes, deranged mentally retired creatures whom thought the Beastles were playing at Westminster.
Excuse Kim stupid people and Kate. Her trivial notion of having the wedding of the century is off the dock, Y'know it's Kim we're talking bout'. Clearly off the dock and brain-damaged, that's why stupid people aren't invited, okay?
That's right! Kim K's planning a wedding of the century after beau Kris Humphries cocked the broomstick and kneeled on one foot.
According to an insider whom we assumed to be invited and as happy as all you stupid uninvited people are. It claims:
"The wedding will happen within six to eight weeks. The wedding shower will take place about a month from now, they're doing things very, very quickly. It's being fast-tracked."
Furthermore, in an attempt to develop schemas for stupid outsiders, Kim K's hoping to putting weddings back on the rack and, rival the boringly uncompetitive and unreceptive wedding of William and Kate.
According to an unoticeable friend of Kim. It coughs and farts:
"Kim is planning the wedding of the century. She doesn't see why a royal wedding should get more attention than hers. She sees herself as a bigger celebrity than Kate Middleton."
Of course, truth be told, anything yet everything was more fevereshly popular than Kate in a frock with her flattened bike-rack on her wedding day. Every speck of organism focused on Pippa's ventilator, which explains why doors were shut and eyeballs glued to the tellybox.
Yet, masses turned out at the wedding, yes, deranged mentally retired creatures whom thought the Beastles were playing at Westminster.
Excuse Kim stupid people and Kate. Her trivial notion of having the wedding of the century is off the dock, Y'know it's Kim we're talking bout'. Clearly off the dock and brain-damaged, that's why stupid people aren't invited, okay?
Cheryl Cole Replaced With Nicole Shitsinger
Off-putting. Apart from Simon's unbuttoned shirt, now, after weeks of mucking about, Cheryl Cole has been replaced by Nicole Shitsinger (who's he?), on the U.S X Factor show.
Yes folks, that's right! In recent weeks, Cheryl Cole went from a benchwarmer to a complete ass. No we are not referring to her as clear as gutter-larynx accent, rather, she was let go as a result of there not being enough chemistry, and probably because she retardedly held her head at a 60 degree angle.
According to an insider whom we believe we ought to trust, it boo's:
"There was no spark. It was nobody's fault. It just didn't work."
Although Cheryl was invited back to the show she disastrously failed to swoon over Simon, Fox and Freemantle producers, yet they payed off her contract so that she may move foward. The was no spark, otherwise, no one desired to plug the socket.
Nevertheless, Cheryl riverdanced off with a handsome $1,5million, for compensation and, emotional distress, pain and suffering, probably and all those other natural emotions him's sensory receptors - testicles - arouse at for pleasure.
Alas, Cole will make a brief appearance on the show for a handful episodes like an airhead, and we'll lust on an awfully lackluster Nicole Shitsinger. Who? Don't ask us, we still don't know who he is. Wait a minute, nah.
On the bright side, at least, Cheryl could bag a medicine cabinet of benzodiazepines.
Yes folks, that's right! In recent weeks, Cheryl Cole went from a benchwarmer to a complete ass. No we are not referring to her as clear as gutter-larynx accent, rather, she was let go as a result of there not being enough chemistry, and probably because she retardedly held her head at a 60 degree angle.
According to an insider whom we believe we ought to trust, it boo's:
"There was no spark. It was nobody's fault. It just didn't work."
Although Cheryl was invited back to the show she disastrously failed to swoon over Simon, Fox and Freemantle producers, yet they payed off her contract so that she may move foward. The was no spark, otherwise, no one desired to plug the socket.
Nevertheless, Cheryl riverdanced off with a handsome $1,5million, for compensation and, emotional distress, pain and suffering, probably and all those other natural emotions him's sensory receptors - testicles - arouse at for pleasure.
Alas, Cole will make a brief appearance on the show for a handful episodes like an airhead, and we'll lust on an awfully lackluster Nicole Shitsinger. Who? Don't ask us, we still don't know who he is. Wait a minute, nah.
On the bright side, at least, Cheryl could bag a medicine cabinet of benzodiazepines.
Swede King Is Massively Popular, Thanks To Alleged Strip Club Scandal
Hey you! Yes, you! Carl XVI Gustaf! Why are you allegedly visiting strip clubs? Are you fatigued at the nauseating lap dances from jesters? Yes? No? Eh?
Yessssirie folks'! According to a poorly sourced book, the Swede king who goes by the name of an off tin-can of polyutherane furnished accordion, Carl XVI Gustaf, has allegedly visited 'exclusive' strip clubs in Atlanta during the 1996 Olympics, and Slovakia in 2008 (by 'exclusive' we mean those places where taxpayers fund the unimportant elite with mammoth sums of banknotes, such as $20million taxpayer-funded stipend, to spend on skanks).
According to an insider from inside the book, which critics call a 'hardcopy of a gossip magazine', Milla Markovic has some pics' of the Swede king's entourage in 'compromising positions'. They most certainly shook hands and made a $20million worth transaction. Who are we kiddin'? Of course they shagged anything and everything but their wives.
According to the 'hardcopy gossip magazine', the old geezer rose to public attention when he allegedly had a secret love affair during the 1990's, and would often be entertained by scantily bedecked skanks in Stockholm night clubs with his monarch horses/men.
To make matters of tedious commentary, the Swede media as infuriated as black and white could ever be, in Times New Roman (alas with the absense of caps lock, because they're not really angry), state that:
"If it turns out that the king lied straight into (Swedes') faces, we could be one step closer to a republic."
With the media's dull recomendations towards the king, alas, he massively still remains a popular candidate to give Swedes' the desperate worldly attention they need, due to 44% of Swedes' in support of the king, despite them paying for the uninvited, festivities. In response to the allegations, a royal commentator whom probably missed out on the low-key festivities claims that:
"His reputation has of course been hurt by this and he's had a difficult time defending himself."
Of course the king is having a difficult time, quite difficult that he's "turning the page", on you boring newsprints, eh? Imagine the king cooing admission of guilt, 'it wasn't me', while we unresponsively 'turn the pages' in our newsprints.
Besides.
Give the Swede king a break, okay? Queen Silvia's not the ideal German-looking pornstar, okay?
Sigh.
Yessssirie folks'! According to a poorly sourced book, the Swede king who goes by the name of an off tin-can of polyutherane furnished accordion, Carl XVI Gustaf, has allegedly visited 'exclusive' strip clubs in Atlanta during the 1996 Olympics, and Slovakia in 2008 (by 'exclusive' we mean those places where taxpayers fund the unimportant elite with mammoth sums of banknotes, such as $20million taxpayer-funded stipend, to spend on skanks).
According to an insider from inside the book, which critics call a 'hardcopy of a gossip magazine', Milla Markovic has some pics' of the Swede king's entourage in 'compromising positions'. They most certainly shook hands and made a $20million worth transaction. Who are we kiddin'? Of course they shagged anything and everything but their wives.
According to the 'hardcopy gossip magazine', the old geezer rose to public attention when he allegedly had a secret love affair during the 1990's, and would often be entertained by scantily bedecked skanks in Stockholm night clubs with his monarch horses/men.
To make matters of tedious commentary, the Swede media as infuriated as black and white could ever be, in Times New Roman (alas with the absense of caps lock, because they're not really angry), state that:
"If it turns out that the king lied straight into (Swedes') faces, we could be one step closer to a republic."
With the media's dull recomendations towards the king, alas, he massively still remains a popular candidate to give Swedes' the desperate worldly attention they need, due to 44% of Swedes' in support of the king, despite them paying for the uninvited, festivities. In response to the allegations, a royal commentator whom probably missed out on the low-key festivities claims that:
"His reputation has of course been hurt by this and he's had a difficult time defending himself."
Of course the king is having a difficult time, quite difficult that he's "turning the page", on you boring newsprints, eh? Imagine the king cooing admission of guilt, 'it wasn't me', while we unresponsively 'turn the pages' in our newsprints.
Besides.
Give the Swede king a break, okay? Queen Silvia's not the ideal German-looking pornstar, okay?
Sigh.
Wednesday 1 June 2011
Jesus Christ its' Snooki?!?
Often we frivolously glance at the billboard slogan 'don't drink and drive' - but because we're increasingly besotted in backwardness and brainless activities - the temptation to intoxicate our bloodstreams are less concerned as to the boring drive home - and the monotonous slogan seems perplexed - inevitably reminding traffic cops that we're drunk and can no longer read the road signs...
Snooki on the other hand pathetically sober, slammed into a cop car over the weekend while filming the bland to eye-peeling fourth season of Jersey Shore (which you lot can spiritlessly watch on Mtv) - doubtlessly to provokingly remind us of how terribly annoying she is...
In the name of free press -Snooki (and her irrelevant co star Deena) crashed her Fiat Multipla into two Italian Police officers. Apparently, the two police officers were supposedly to escort the reality flop, Snookie - through the city - and pressumably to be discarded from the city...
According to the gleeful police spokesman Florence:
"It was nothing serious and they have been released, but they will not be back at work for a week," presumably, when the shooting of Jersey Shore's fourth season cease's to exist - such the music videos on Mtv...
Florrie' Florence also prattles that the two officers have 90 days to file a lawsuit - ineffectively the legal system would be absent on the court set date. We said it, for your amuse'...
Alas, roads in Italy are finally safe now that Snooki has been stripped from her drivers licence - not that she could ever have seen beyond the dashboard due to her 140cm shoelace length- including a funnel rivited to her achondroplasia neck - an ornamental lamppost. Or a pug with a surgical collar, which ever your preference...
The two officers escaped with minor whiplash injuries though they probably begged and pleaded for major fiendish injuiries - to the extreme where self-mutilation's an option...
To the point where they obtusely hallucinate and start shouting, 'transform us into a car - we'll take civil action - within 90days we'll fender bender the entire force' - whatever it takes to keep them off duty whilst Snooki continues to pull the plug on our humor with her fully throtlled irritation...
Hand this dwarf a trike please, eh?..
Snooki on the other hand pathetically sober, slammed into a cop car over the weekend while filming the bland to eye-peeling fourth season of Jersey Shore (which you lot can spiritlessly watch on Mtv) - doubtlessly to provokingly remind us of how terribly annoying she is...
In the name of free press -Snooki (and her irrelevant co star Deena) crashed her Fiat Multipla into two Italian Police officers. Apparently, the two police officers were supposedly to escort the reality flop, Snookie - through the city - and pressumably to be discarded from the city...
According to the gleeful police spokesman Florence:
"It was nothing serious and they have been released, but they will not be back at work for a week," presumably, when the shooting of Jersey Shore's fourth season cease's to exist - such the music videos on Mtv...
Florrie' Florence also prattles that the two officers have 90 days to file a lawsuit - ineffectively the legal system would be absent on the court set date. We said it, for your amuse'...
Alas, roads in Italy are finally safe now that Snooki has been stripped from her drivers licence - not that she could ever have seen beyond the dashboard due to her 140cm shoelace length- including a funnel rivited to her achondroplasia neck - an ornamental lamppost. Or a pug with a surgical collar, which ever your preference...
The two officers escaped with minor whiplash injuries though they probably begged and pleaded for major fiendish injuiries - to the extreme where self-mutilation's an option...
To the point where they obtusely hallucinate and start shouting, 'transform us into a car - we'll take civil action - within 90days we'll fender bender the entire force' - whatever it takes to keep them off duty whilst Snooki continues to pull the plug on our humor with her fully throtlled irritation...
Hand this dwarf a trike please, eh?..
Tuesday 31 May 2011
Andy Dick misinterprets genital affection towards public displays
You know the feeling. When the universe is giving you a hard time. We're often ambushed by the universe itself as there's never enough time to do nothing - the things we do for people. You can't put a price on it ey?..
It doesn't get more decent than Andy Dick folks. Hell hath no fury for Andy Dick's unpassionate itchy crotch. Yessssssrie! He has a gift, talent, practical expertise - for a series of snot blogs writings...
Such as peeing on a public display at the Newport Beach Film Festival - probably peeing on the lawsuit TP (toilet paper!) - and now for smearing his irritated nuts against Robert Tucker at a Dallas comedy club back in December. What a dickhead!..
Whether he seek or denied it, Andy delicately handled the sensitivities - and made sure there was one on each table - a face for that matter...
According to sources whom we think we should mention:
Andy walked into the crowd dressed like a woman (try picturing Meryl Streep), and "pulled down his costume skirt with his right hand, exposing the fact that he was not wearing underwear beneath the skirt." He then unpassionately "forced his genitals against the left sid of [Robert's] face."
Honestly. It doesn't mean you're a pathetic tin-man who's been preyed on by Andy Dick and his itchy coconuts in public display Robert. If we had our ball-points caught in-between a polyester fibre, you would, we would, probably, flick-it out yellin' 'GNAW IT OFF! GNAW IT OFF YOU SUCKER!..
Pissed off at the universe, in universal opion and the animal kingdom - doesn't literally imply pissing on public displays. If so, Andy most certainly, will be kicked in the balls with a lawsuit. It's the universe way of ziping our testicles to give us a hard time...
Thats that...
It doesn't get more decent than Andy Dick folks. Hell hath no fury for Andy Dick's unpassionate itchy crotch. Yessssssrie! He has a gift, talent, practical expertise - for a series of snot blogs writings...
Such as peeing on a public display at the Newport Beach Film Festival - probably peeing on the lawsuit TP (toilet paper!) - and now for smearing his irritated nuts against Robert Tucker at a Dallas comedy club back in December. What a dickhead!..
Whether he seek or denied it, Andy delicately handled the sensitivities - and made sure there was one on each table - a face for that matter...
According to sources whom we think we should mention:
Andy walked into the crowd dressed like a woman (try picturing Meryl Streep), and "pulled down his costume skirt with his right hand, exposing the fact that he was not wearing underwear beneath the skirt." He then unpassionately "forced his genitals against the left sid of [Robert's] face."
Honestly. It doesn't mean you're a pathetic tin-man who's been preyed on by Andy Dick and his itchy coconuts in public display Robert. If we had our ball-points caught in-between a polyester fibre, you would, we would, probably, flick-it out yellin' 'GNAW IT OFF! GNAW IT OFF YOU SUCKER!..
Pissed off at the universe, in universal opion and the animal kingdom - doesn't literally imply pissing on public displays. If so, Andy most certainly, will be kicked in the balls with a lawsuit. It's the universe way of ziping our testicles to give us a hard time...
Thats that...
'The roof is on fire'- Paris manufactures house music album
Once upon a time in a land far, far, far, faaaaaar away from away, there lived an artificial manufactured, chemically imbalanced simpleton - Paris Hilton. She was a robot with a tupperware cranium containing stale pronutro - poroxide acryllic hair - a walking talking robot you lot refer to as a 'heir'.
Paris is back, sadly with a matchbox mental capacity to make herself known again, as talks surface that she'll releasing her '2nd album' - a 2nd single of poorer quality. Pass us the bottle of wiskey...
There's no doubt that her music is of poor quality - come on it's Paris we're talking about. She's terrible boring on a muted tv - and arse-wiping tabloid spreadsheet. Great, eh?
Undoubtedly, her previous single 'stars are blind' resonated an auditory scenery of a throttled backseat driver - faultfinder critics took bliss in writing up colums and colums of her gleaming stupidity - and folks like us who love a bad outcome - loved it when sales totaled the equivalence of a kg of chicken liver...
Paris' music was of pop genre - because it was bizarrely popular dottiness. Now Paris has revealed that she'll be making a transition - no not on par with evolution - by releasing a conky head-thumping house music album...
She dumb-ly-dum-bly-dumb states:
"I have a recording studio in my house so any time I have free time I'm writing and working [on new music]. I've been working on this album for a really long time because I want it to be perfect. I recently changed the direction of the album. It was more pop before but now I'm getting rid of a lot of songs and going into a different direction with house music, so it will be a lot more dance and club."
Alas, realising her basal aptitude levels at being musically inclined - Paris' annoying catchphrase will post-hypnotically drain all common sense - we'll hand it all to her - while we lock ourselves in bathroom cubicles to 'escape reality', such you kiddies' blot - flushing our heads over and over again in the pot - and wake up with a tumor hangover with a tatoo beaming off your wrist 'par'ass'...
Or we could toss the album into the fire or set the studio alight - and disco like injun's...
Au revoir. That's paris, eh?..
Paris is back, sadly with a matchbox mental capacity to make herself known again, as talks surface that she'll releasing her '2nd album' - a 2nd single of poorer quality. Pass us the bottle of wiskey...
There's no doubt that her music is of poor quality - come on it's Paris we're talking about. She's terrible boring on a muted tv - and arse-wiping tabloid spreadsheet. Great, eh?
Undoubtedly, her previous single 'stars are blind' resonated an auditory scenery of a throttled backseat driver - faultfinder critics took bliss in writing up colums and colums of her gleaming stupidity - and folks like us who love a bad outcome - loved it when sales totaled the equivalence of a kg of chicken liver...
Paris' music was of pop genre - because it was bizarrely popular dottiness. Now Paris has revealed that she'll be making a transition - no not on par with evolution - by releasing a conky head-thumping house music album...
She dumb-ly-dum-bly-dumb states:
"I have a recording studio in my house so any time I have free time I'm writing and working [on new music]. I've been working on this album for a really long time because I want it to be perfect. I recently changed the direction of the album. It was more pop before but now I'm getting rid of a lot of songs and going into a different direction with house music, so it will be a lot more dance and club."
Alas, realising her basal aptitude levels at being musically inclined - Paris' annoying catchphrase will post-hypnotically drain all common sense - we'll hand it all to her - while we lock ourselves in bathroom cubicles to 'escape reality', such you kiddies' blot - flushing our heads over and over again in the pot - and wake up with a tumor hangover with a tatoo beaming off your wrist 'par'ass'...
Or we could toss the album into the fire or set the studio alight - and disco like injun's...
Au revoir. That's paris, eh?..
Erectile dysfunction- Moby loves music more than the Britney + Ke$ha
What does Britney & Ke$ha have in common, besides for looking tacky and schlocky?..
Both these crud's music wane our auditory canals to a screeching halt, to the point where we dismember our ears - our organs flee like fugitives as if we just administered self-chemo - we become grumpy and astringent in a pool of vomit. Perhaps like Moby?..
Moby, the 'blimpy penis-bald 45year old' muso's blowing the whistle on Britney and Ke$ha - believing that they should not be labeled as "music"...
The bloke describes Britney as "broken" and that he's no longer attracted to her because she's lost all appeal since her rise to stardumb, due to her train-wreck lifestyle...
He goes on to say that the music's "fun, but I don't think of it as music." So the music that Britney and Ke$ha croon are shitty music. Says who? Says Moby the shriveled penis lad...
"It's manufactured. I appreciate it as a pop culture phenomenom and some of the songs I like if I hear them in a shopping mall or something, but it doesn't function as music for me."
Its' basically like saying, 'I enjoy hearing their music in a shopping mall. Only problem is, it doesn't function as music to me because my head begins to swell like testicles to an elephantoid size and I can't openly embrace the pop culture phenomenom with a wank in the shopping mall loo.'
Just in case we forgot what real music is amongst all the shitty artists, Moby wanks that "music is something that communicates emotion and integrity in a really interesting, direct way."
Moby angrily frustrated with the love of music, and not women, continued his build-up to the neverending climax, adding:
"And when I listen to the pop music you're describing, it's hyper-produced corporate product."
Don't even try to get Moby started on music folks, not that we care. He wails:
"That isn't really even a criticism, but I just think calling it music is a misnomer."
What a stagnate old man with goose egg integrity. We don't expect the written-off Brit' or off-putting Quiche to bite the hand that feeds them. Picture their snotty faces at the bedsit - can you see Britney and Ke$ha moaining 'moby dick'...
Both these crud's music wane our auditory canals to a screeching halt, to the point where we dismember our ears - our organs flee like fugitives as if we just administered self-chemo - we become grumpy and astringent in a pool of vomit. Perhaps like Moby?..
Moby, the 'blimpy penis-bald 45year old' muso's blowing the whistle on Britney and Ke$ha - believing that they should not be labeled as "music"...
The bloke describes Britney as "broken" and that he's no longer attracted to her because she's lost all appeal since her rise to stardumb, due to her train-wreck lifestyle...
He goes on to say that the music's "fun, but I don't think of it as music." So the music that Britney and Ke$ha croon are shitty music. Says who? Says Moby the shriveled penis lad...
"It's manufactured. I appreciate it as a pop culture phenomenom and some of the songs I like if I hear them in a shopping mall or something, but it doesn't function as music for me."
Its' basically like saying, 'I enjoy hearing their music in a shopping mall. Only problem is, it doesn't function as music to me because my head begins to swell like testicles to an elephantoid size and I can't openly embrace the pop culture phenomenom with a wank in the shopping mall loo.'
Just in case we forgot what real music is amongst all the shitty artists, Moby wanks that "music is something that communicates emotion and integrity in a really interesting, direct way."
Moby angrily frustrated with the love of music, and not women, continued his build-up to the neverending climax, adding:
"And when I listen to the pop music you're describing, it's hyper-produced corporate product."
Don't even try to get Moby started on music folks, not that we care. He wails:
"That isn't really even a criticism, but I just think calling it music is a misnomer."
What a stagnate old man with goose egg integrity. We don't expect the written-off Brit' or off-putting Quiche to bite the hand that feeds them. Picture their snotty faces at the bedsit - can you see Britney and Ke$ha moaining 'moby dick'...
Monday 30 May 2011
Arnold Schwarzenegger's morning-after pill
We find it funny when celebs are caught with their pants down other than in the loo - we agree its' a supernatural deed that no lie could possibly conceal elements of truth. So they cowplop some story in their defense - the bedmate they once stuck their apparatus into now seeks financial retribution. It should not come as a surprise that these celebs bamboozle us with deceit to make themselves look chokingly interesting...
Arnold McDonald as you all heard - is the latest face of the burger Patty. The condom broke, yes! A bastard emerged from a Arnold McDonald happy meal, yes! Witnesses are on hands and knees adding to the accusations, yes! What more could we ask for? More and more cowplop, yes...
Amidst the Arnie affaire de coeur, word from the horse's mouth claims that Arnie was quite a selective prick allowing only one household staffer into his play pen...
Yes folks that's right! He may have had a wandering lazer beam lad, yet he was a one-household staffer scuzzbag...
The nanny who worked for Arnold and Maria Shriver during the Mildred Patty Era, claims that Arnold was quite the courteous and honorable man when not maneuvering his terminator gadget into household staff...
According to the nanny whom 'never' aggresively pursued Arnies' frankfurter as Patty did, she wails that he "was a flirt, but never touched me inappropriately, or anyone else that I could tell." She also states that he was "respectful" towards other female staffers...
Oh, Arnie was a polished chap - a governator, in other words a philanderer - respected staffers by not bunking them in the Conan den without consent or a condom - made a few advances but settled on horseplay with Patty - t'was a pure innocent austrian letter (antonym for a french letter), heavy petting with Mildred, ah...
Whom are we kidding? Patty was not the only exception. Arnies' evangelist juju captivated your attention too nanny. He just didn't bag you. Nor would he now or maybe he would now that Patty's a pre-owned nonessential...
In cahoots with staffers these celebs bamboozle us to cross out the odds of speculation. We blindly ignore their gibbering because they are lonely and bored. Still, a well-run politician is bound to have a batch of...
Cliffhangers!..
Arnold McDonald as you all heard - is the latest face of the burger Patty. The condom broke, yes! A bastard emerged from a Arnold McDonald happy meal, yes! Witnesses are on hands and knees adding to the accusations, yes! What more could we ask for? More and more cowplop, yes...
Amidst the Arnie affaire de coeur, word from the horse's mouth claims that Arnie was quite a selective prick allowing only one household staffer into his play pen...
Yes folks that's right! He may have had a wandering lazer beam lad, yet he was a one-household staffer scuzzbag...
The nanny who worked for Arnold and Maria Shriver during the Mildred Patty Era, claims that Arnold was quite the courteous and honorable man when not maneuvering his terminator gadget into household staff...
According to the nanny whom 'never' aggresively pursued Arnies' frankfurter as Patty did, she wails that he "was a flirt, but never touched me inappropriately, or anyone else that I could tell." She also states that he was "respectful" towards other female staffers...
Oh, Arnie was a polished chap - a governator, in other words a philanderer - respected staffers by not bunking them in the Conan den without consent or a condom - made a few advances but settled on horseplay with Patty - t'was a pure innocent austrian letter (antonym for a french letter), heavy petting with Mildred, ah...
Whom are we kidding? Patty was not the only exception. Arnies' evangelist juju captivated your attention too nanny. He just didn't bag you. Nor would he now or maybe he would now that Patty's a pre-owned nonessential...
In cahoots with staffers these celebs bamboozle us to cross out the odds of speculation. We blindly ignore their gibbering because they are lonely and bored. Still, a well-run politician is bound to have a batch of...
Cliffhangers!..
Beckham a nuisance on highways and the football pitch
Oi! Beckham! Have you gone dotty?..
Do you hate America so bad that you are willing to rear-end plebs onto the ambulance stretcher?..
Or, are you just bugging out at the sight the embryo warting out of the manikin - your lass Victoria? ..
Probably the most angry bloke on the road in America at this point in time - Beckham "driving reckelessly" ploughed his meshed foot on the accelerator pedal jamming in to cars on the freeway, taunting avid dailers to hang-up on the late-night special and dail 911...
Beckham sparked a new trend of car accidents since May 6 - and has become feverishly popular than phone sex hotlines on 911, as sources close to our wellies claim that he was "speeding really bad... driving wrecklessly... breaking a couple of traffic laws." Sigh...
Authorities and folks don't give two hoots with regard to Beckhams impaired motor coordination as keeping him off the football pitch leads to greener pastures...
A spokesman for Beckham tells She & Him:
"As unfortunate as accidents are, David was not cited for the police at the scene for any violations."
Meaning, he was a polite bloke - journeying as if it were a sunday drive down the highway with his son Brooklyn - not breaking the law by moving in and out of the car pool lane - then likely onto the pavement - for safety reasons - while folks humorously paddled passed him as if they were on trikes...
He probably handed Brooklyn the wheel so that he would not be cited for any traffic violations at the scene - the crash happend but it was not Beckham, ok?..
Take it from Brad, Beckham.
"I certainly don't raise my kids that same way. I'm painfully aware that my actions leave a double mark on them in these formidable years, so I make sure I don't bring my crap at home."
What a way to egg on the old-spice enthusiast Beckham. We suggest you crash at home and buy canned food folks. Hopefully up until Beckham receives parenting skills, before there are more puppets hanging from highway lightpoles...
Do you hate America so bad that you are willing to rear-end plebs onto the ambulance stretcher?..
Or, are you just bugging out at the sight the embryo warting out of the manikin - your lass Victoria? ..
Probably the most angry bloke on the road in America at this point in time - Beckham "driving reckelessly" ploughed his meshed foot on the accelerator pedal jamming in to cars on the freeway, taunting avid dailers to hang-up on the late-night special and dail 911...
Beckham sparked a new trend of car accidents since May 6 - and has become feverishly popular than phone sex hotlines on 911, as sources close to our wellies claim that he was "speeding really bad... driving wrecklessly... breaking a couple of traffic laws." Sigh...
Authorities and folks don't give two hoots with regard to Beckhams impaired motor coordination as keeping him off the football pitch leads to greener pastures...
A spokesman for Beckham tells She & Him:
"As unfortunate as accidents are, David was not cited for the police at the scene for any violations."
Meaning, he was a polite bloke - journeying as if it were a sunday drive down the highway with his son Brooklyn - not breaking the law by moving in and out of the car pool lane - then likely onto the pavement - for safety reasons - while folks humorously paddled passed him as if they were on trikes...
He probably handed Brooklyn the wheel so that he would not be cited for any traffic violations at the scene - the crash happend but it was not Beckham, ok?..
Take it from Brad, Beckham.
"I certainly don't raise my kids that same way. I'm painfully aware that my actions leave a double mark on them in these formidable years, so I make sure I don't bring my crap at home."
What a way to egg on the old-spice enthusiast Beckham. We suggest you crash at home and buy canned food folks. Hopefully up until Beckham receives parenting skills, before there are more puppets hanging from highway lightpoles...
The amphitheatre of being a sucker- gambling + Nelly (including all those other substances he denies)
Gambling is an age-old tradition where simpletons would foolishly spendthrift their hardcheese paychecks at the promise of cloud cuckoo land. As a result of their gluttony they are responsible for boggling up their own lives - we pity the fools and patronize them with tv ad slogans 'gamble responsibly' - not that it matters...
Regardless of the righteous son-of-a-bitch lifestyle which doinks pretend to be having - we were born to gamble - life's a gamble, ey?..
Since the genesis of the bedraggled marble we call earth, gambling's pretty much accredited by god as both ancient Catholics and Jews gambled for 'religious reasons', for all one knows to counter the devils luck. For instance, Jesus never required a fishing rod but only a table and axiom commandments where he could gamble with fish...
Some folks have even taken gambling to the extreme by bucking the odds in a killer game of russian roulette - while others hedged the bets going out a limb in a 8-bit game a mahjong...
Still, nothing beats when you're in albatross - a herculean liquidator at your door-step to give you a flash from the past - that your talents were put to an unworthy use...
Which is what happend to Nelly as his talents were put to unworthy use. It appears that Nelly's cheese has gone hard, as his ex manager, Slim, conveys the impression that Nelly's a charlatan in the game of rap - he packs steriods and cocaine in to his hopeless bag of bones...
Furthermore, Slim airs Nelly's dirty laundry - claiming that he has 'financial woes' - due to the rapper's gambling problem which now has him in a bottomless pit of debt - concurrently losing his home in the process. We speculate that even the toothfairy would capitalize on the situation leaving Nelly toothless...
Nelly tattles like a toothless opus on twitter denying the allegations. He wrote that:
"I no some hoping that 4closure statement is tru but I'm sorry EPIC FAIL!"
Err?!? So to an extent the abovementioned idiomatic statement's true as we're inclined to think that there's a obviously perplexed admission of guilt, "I'm sorry EPIC FAIL!". Nelly continues to defend himself in the third person, adding that:
"Don't nothing go into this body but fish, chicken, turkey, protein, ROZAY, ciroc remy and Budweiser. The only people who say that is people that don't work out. Anyone who goes to the gym knows what Nelly is doing is nothing."
Ok, now that we've been around twice to the bickering of the loggerheads. We at She & Him choose to remain bliasé - you decide folks - before we bring into existence the purely biased and obnoxious She & Him tools of assessment...
Anyways Nelly - from She & Him to you - we bring forth a catchpenny cliché recently used by a characterless tit...
'Some guys are like scratchcards. Exciting at first, until you scratch away the surface to reveal the loser beneath.'
'#OMGJustSoEpic', eh?!?
Daft we know, err...
Mi casa es su casa (you are welcome to potty a comment on this lawn)
Adíos conocido/as
Don't bother trying to sniff our vasectomy panties on Facebook or Twitter as the writer chooses to remain anonymous, for reasons of having Jesus' abs and Brad Shits face.
Regardless of the righteous son-of-a-bitch lifestyle which doinks pretend to be having - we were born to gamble - life's a gamble, ey?..
Since the genesis of the bedraggled marble we call earth, gambling's pretty much accredited by god as both ancient Catholics and Jews gambled for 'religious reasons', for all one knows to counter the devils luck. For instance, Jesus never required a fishing rod but only a table and axiom commandments where he could gamble with fish...
Some folks have even taken gambling to the extreme by bucking the odds in a killer game of russian roulette - while others hedged the bets going out a limb in a 8-bit game a mahjong...
Still, nothing beats when you're in albatross - a herculean liquidator at your door-step to give you a flash from the past - that your talents were put to an unworthy use...
Which is what happend to Nelly as his talents were put to unworthy use. It appears that Nelly's cheese has gone hard, as his ex manager, Slim, conveys the impression that Nelly's a charlatan in the game of rap - he packs steriods and cocaine in to his hopeless bag of bones...
Furthermore, Slim airs Nelly's dirty laundry - claiming that he has 'financial woes' - due to the rapper's gambling problem which now has him in a bottomless pit of debt - concurrently losing his home in the process. We speculate that even the toothfairy would capitalize on the situation leaving Nelly toothless...
Nelly tattles like a toothless opus on twitter denying the allegations. He wrote that:
"I no some hoping that 4closure statement is tru but I'm sorry EPIC FAIL!"
Err?!? So to an extent the abovementioned idiomatic statement's true as we're inclined to think that there's a obviously perplexed admission of guilt, "I'm sorry EPIC FAIL!". Nelly continues to defend himself in the third person, adding that:
"Don't nothing go into this body but fish, chicken, turkey, protein, ROZAY, ciroc remy and Budweiser. The only people who say that is people that don't work out. Anyone who goes to the gym knows what Nelly is doing is nothing."
Ok, now that we've been around twice to the bickering of the loggerheads. We at She & Him choose to remain bliasé - you decide folks - before we bring into existence the purely biased and obnoxious She & Him tools of assessment...
Anyways Nelly - from She & Him to you - we bring forth a catchpenny cliché recently used by a characterless tit...
'Some guys are like scratchcards. Exciting at first, until you scratch away the surface to reveal the loser beneath.'
'#OMGJustSoEpic', eh?!?
Daft we know, err...
Mi casa es su casa (you are welcome to potty a comment on this lawn)
Adíos conocido/as
Don't bother trying to sniff our vasectomy panties on Facebook or Twitter as the writer chooses to remain anonymous, for reasons of having Jesus' abs and Brad Shits face.
Public indecency: Reggie Bush upset over Kim K's engagement
There's nothing more tardy than a begrudging emotive bloke who's upset over an engagement and future marriage, as if he's never caught the wilted boquet of flowers...
Ironically, Reggie Bush is disturbingly all torn-up with the news of his ex Kim Kardashian's betroth to Kris Humphries - whom went down on his knee-cap and slapped a custom-designed 20.5-carrot Lorraine Schwartz diamond sparkler onto her finger...
Also, in the Kardash' camp, the obscured with little-opportunity siblings of Kim stated that the family was becoming a "bussiness". Which in our minds we decode as a cathouse of Jezebel's...
Anyhow, Kim and Reggie had their fair share of 'ups and downs'. Yet, Reggie who has slip-off more than just what would be a garter for Kris, was a bit of a sucker for love when he in a seziure of emotion canceled an appearance at the European car race, Gumball rally 3000, so that he could cheerlessly mourn the loss of the Jezebel like a sourpuss...
According to an insider:
"We heard Kim got engaged, so we didn't think that's why [Reggie] didn't turn up. He must be pretty cut up. He sounded like he was, and that was why he didn't make it down. I hope Reggie gets it together for the rally. It'll be just what he needs to get out of the road and party."
Was Reggie upset because Kardashian's mom never brought two mini-horses covered in glitter for them, as she did for Kris and Kim at a party?..
Or was he brokenheartedly crooning to one of Eminem's companionless rap ballads, 'Kim! Kiiiim!Why don't you like me?'
We have yet to get a reply from Reggie, so we hope that E! camera's snaps him whimpering on one knee like a wanker...
For what it's worth Reggie, Kim's worth a bunch of corroded compost with 20.5 spoiled carrots...
Be sarcastically in high spirits like all pervs are about the engagement. Go ahead, wank it off Reggie...
Ironically, Reggie Bush is disturbingly all torn-up with the news of his ex Kim Kardashian's betroth to Kris Humphries - whom went down on his knee-cap and slapped a custom-designed 20.5-carrot Lorraine Schwartz diamond sparkler onto her finger...
Also, in the Kardash' camp, the obscured with little-opportunity siblings of Kim stated that the family was becoming a "bussiness". Which in our minds we decode as a cathouse of Jezebel's...
Anyhow, Kim and Reggie had their fair share of 'ups and downs'. Yet, Reggie who has slip-off more than just what would be a garter for Kris, was a bit of a sucker for love when he in a seziure of emotion canceled an appearance at the European car race, Gumball rally 3000, so that he could cheerlessly mourn the loss of the Jezebel like a sourpuss...
According to an insider:
"We heard Kim got engaged, so we didn't think that's why [Reggie] didn't turn up. He must be pretty cut up. He sounded like he was, and that was why he didn't make it down. I hope Reggie gets it together for the rally. It'll be just what he needs to get out of the road and party."
Was Reggie upset because Kardashian's mom never brought two mini-horses covered in glitter for them, as she did for Kris and Kim at a party?..
Or was he brokenheartedly crooning to one of Eminem's companionless rap ballads, 'Kim! Kiiiim!Why don't you like me?'
We have yet to get a reply from Reggie, so we hope that E! camera's snaps him whimpering on one knee like a wanker...
For what it's worth Reggie, Kim's worth a bunch of corroded compost with 20.5 spoiled carrots...
Be sarcastically in high spirits like all pervs are about the engagement. Go ahead, wank it off Reggie...
Oi! Drop your pistols - it's Jessica Simpson that's upset
Y'Know we at She & Him take great bliss in being absent-minded about any tabloid junk - although it bizarrely bores us to mental bereavement we do twist the truth with a tad bit of adjectives for you to chortle at a jocosely spectacle - to make the seemingly boring noteworthy...
After years of throwing hooves at one another in the boardroom we've finally come to the decision to do a feature on Jessica Simpson. In retrospect of all the snot blogs written by She & Him we have never stooped this low before - before we take the dastardly leap we've reprogrammed the dullness in our minds by consigning to oblivion so that we may laugh at anything she did -for the sake of writing, that is...
For the sake of writing - we couldn't care less when it comes to Jessica Simpleton - we are practically blind to her misguidedness and brainlessness - to the point where we just don't care about her...
Jessica has attempted to sway all folks that she's in fact someone when she blemished to unpopularity in 99', daunting our mental state with feelings of panic by adding onto the belief that Y2k would become more than just a fact...
Furthermore, she attempted to crop up laughing material and make herself known when she canceled an attendance to a Republican fundraiser, stating that it was too 'inappropriate' for her to attend a political fundraiser. What a horrible person, eh? Still, it sparked the least controversy because her 'skull and bones' physique was too meaty. Hence 'inappropriate'...
She also came apart in seams and pissed off PETA (which we all know is not your ordinary barmy bar brawl at a Liverpool pub with the mates), when she wore a shirt that said "Real girls eat meat". It was supposedly meant for Carrie Underwood who is a vegan, yet Simpleton ended up being critized for being birdbrain by PETA. According to PETA:
"Jessica Simpson's meaty wardrobe malfunction makes us thankful that no one is looking to her for food advice. Chicken-of-the-sea anyone? The woman who thought that Buffalo 'wings' came from buffaloes would benefit from some good veggie brain food." Need we say more, eh?..
In 2008 Jessica performed at the Country Thunder Festival in Wisconsin, but was practically ignored by country music critics. Jessica ignorantly responded:
"I don't know what your perception is of Jessica Simpson or what tabloid you buy, but I just want you to know that I'm just a girl from Texas; I'm just like you. I'm doing what I love and dating a boy."
We weren't impressed with Simpson's high-jinks of bad-mouthing country folks, insinuating that they're freaks because she's normal for dating boys and not men, and they're not literate because they don't read tabloids. This was poorly recepted with yodels of boo's and moo's - still she failed to sway us over...
Until recently when it was reported that Jessica's "upset" - which made us laugh a lil' - because when it comes to Jessica literally everything is reported - so based on a report - she was knocked off the judging panel in preference for either Paula Shrubdul, the non-alcoholic beverage plain boring enthusiast - or the clear as dishwater thick accent which btw is Cheryl Cole...
Simpson was reported saying that:
"They have definitely talked to me about X Factor. I think it would be alot of fun. It's definitely my life. To be a mentor for up-and-coming artists is right up my alley. I would have loved to have a mentor. I love watching people's dreams come true."
Does she seem 'upset' to you? No. Don't patronize us with your cue-cards, ok? We want the truth Jessica, don't we? According to an insider:
"She was devastated when she didn't get hired to be a judge on X Factor. Though she knows she's lucky her clothing line is so successful, she felt like X Factor was her last chance in terms of her showbiz career."
So, we eulogize for you Simpleton. You have come a long way, been ostracized but this is the last straw of your showbiz career. So don't get upset. We were as devastated as you currently are - and yes, utilize your technical abilities into needlework, and bag-on your lucrative prairie clothing line...
Oh, she'll be espoused one of these days - hopefully - if Eric Johnson doesn't snub her with cold-feet...
Anyways. She's used to it, eh?..
After years of throwing hooves at one another in the boardroom we've finally come to the decision to do a feature on Jessica Simpson. In retrospect of all the snot blogs written by She & Him we have never stooped this low before - before we take the dastardly leap we've reprogrammed the dullness in our minds by consigning to oblivion so that we may laugh at anything she did -for the sake of writing, that is...
For the sake of writing - we couldn't care less when it comes to Jessica Simpleton - we are practically blind to her misguidedness and brainlessness - to the point where we just don't care about her...
Jessica has attempted to sway all folks that she's in fact someone when she blemished to unpopularity in 99', daunting our mental state with feelings of panic by adding onto the belief that Y2k would become more than just a fact...
Furthermore, she attempted to crop up laughing material and make herself known when she canceled an attendance to a Republican fundraiser, stating that it was too 'inappropriate' for her to attend a political fundraiser. What a horrible person, eh? Still, it sparked the least controversy because her 'skull and bones' physique was too meaty. Hence 'inappropriate'...
She also came apart in seams and pissed off PETA (which we all know is not your ordinary barmy bar brawl at a Liverpool pub with the mates), when she wore a shirt that said "Real girls eat meat". It was supposedly meant for Carrie Underwood who is a vegan, yet Simpleton ended up being critized for being birdbrain by PETA. According to PETA:
"Jessica Simpson's meaty wardrobe malfunction makes us thankful that no one is looking to her for food advice. Chicken-of-the-sea anyone? The woman who thought that Buffalo 'wings' came from buffaloes would benefit from some good veggie brain food." Need we say more, eh?..
In 2008 Jessica performed at the Country Thunder Festival in Wisconsin, but was practically ignored by country music critics. Jessica ignorantly responded:
"I don't know what your perception is of Jessica Simpson or what tabloid you buy, but I just want you to know that I'm just a girl from Texas; I'm just like you. I'm doing what I love and dating a boy."
We weren't impressed with Simpson's high-jinks of bad-mouthing country folks, insinuating that they're freaks because she's normal for dating boys and not men, and they're not literate because they don't read tabloids. This was poorly recepted with yodels of boo's and moo's - still she failed to sway us over...
Until recently when it was reported that Jessica's "upset" - which made us laugh a lil' - because when it comes to Jessica literally everything is reported - so based on a report - she was knocked off the judging panel in preference for either Paula Shrubdul, the non-alcoholic beverage plain boring enthusiast - or the clear as dishwater thick accent which btw is Cheryl Cole...
Simpson was reported saying that:
"They have definitely talked to me about X Factor. I think it would be alot of fun. It's definitely my life. To be a mentor for up-and-coming artists is right up my alley. I would have loved to have a mentor. I love watching people's dreams come true."
Does she seem 'upset' to you? No. Don't patronize us with your cue-cards, ok? We want the truth Jessica, don't we? According to an insider:
"She was devastated when she didn't get hired to be a judge on X Factor. Though she knows she's lucky her clothing line is so successful, she felt like X Factor was her last chance in terms of her showbiz career."
So, we eulogize for you Simpleton. You have come a long way, been ostracized but this is the last straw of your showbiz career. So don't get upset. We were as devastated as you currently are - and yes, utilize your technical abilities into needlework, and bag-on your lucrative prairie clothing line...
Oh, she'll be espoused one of these days - hopefully - if Eric Johnson doesn't snub her with cold-feet...
Anyways. She's used to it, eh?..
Thursday 26 May 2011
Conservative U.S folks 'appalled by nudity' they have to pay to watch
Those days before we at She & Him became visually lethargic - being apathetic students whom despised shakespearean garbaged dialect, we put down our banjo's and accordions, and antipathically read 'The Great Gatsby'...
No. Who are we kidding. The synopsis was great, ey? Anyways F. Scott Fitzgerald's the author whom cackled conspicuously and politely like a broker about the american dream - the dynamics of bootlegged liquor printed on a catalogue - implanted seeded dimensions which slips one into a deep sleep of great drepression while filling your soul with Jack Daniels and vomit...
We were honestly begining to lose touch of the baroque American flight of fancy, until the U.S established a now flourishing congenial (not congenital, ok?) pornography industry worth $14 Billion to comfort us in times of romantic bankruptcy. Hate the government ,but not the porn, ey?
Switch off the TCM can-can as China Lion will be releasing the internationally renowned porno film 'Sex and Zen:Extreme Ecstacy in 3D'...
China Lion released a statement saying:
"We're looking at as wide as possible a release for this groundbreaking film and are currently working with our theatrical partners AMC for the U.S. Toronto, Cineplex for Vancouver and Consolidated in Hawaii. Announcements are expected in the next two weeks."
Great news as we all dejectedly remember China for the fast-talk resulting in a concurrent ridiculous harmony of both Mandarin and English, where the creepishly old man with a rot-liquo-rice mouth, executes somersaults, and punches you with an animalistic instinctual kung-fu technique...
Is it ok to say that China officially produces anything and everything from kindling communist kung-fu to easily breakable utensils? Hmm...
Alas, life on earth would be hit with conservative apriorisms. Not that we care - it aids us in poking fun at creatures angrily compeled to contest human order with their unreasoned petitioned ethical codes...
So for all these conservative morons appalled by nudity which they have to pay for to watch - before you get your panties into a bow-tie, Stephen Shiu Yeuk-Yuen said the film "is just like being a voyeur near someone's bed."
Think of it as 'Sex and the City'. Just with sexually-appealing much younger-looking woman...
God bless-ed America, ey?!.
No. Who are we kidding. The synopsis was great, ey? Anyways F. Scott Fitzgerald's the author whom cackled conspicuously and politely like a broker about the american dream - the dynamics of bootlegged liquor printed on a catalogue - implanted seeded dimensions which slips one into a deep sleep of great drepression while filling your soul with Jack Daniels and vomit...
We were honestly begining to lose touch of the baroque American flight of fancy, until the U.S established a now flourishing congenial (not congenital, ok?) pornography industry worth $14 Billion to comfort us in times of romantic bankruptcy. Hate the government ,but not the porn, ey?
Switch off the TCM can-can as China Lion will be releasing the internationally renowned porno film 'Sex and Zen:Extreme Ecstacy in 3D'...
China Lion released a statement saying:
"We're looking at as wide as possible a release for this groundbreaking film and are currently working with our theatrical partners AMC for the U.S. Toronto, Cineplex for Vancouver and Consolidated in Hawaii. Announcements are expected in the next two weeks."
Great news as we all dejectedly remember China for the fast-talk resulting in a concurrent ridiculous harmony of both Mandarin and English, where the creepishly old man with a rot-liquo-rice mouth, executes somersaults, and punches you with an animalistic instinctual kung-fu technique...
Is it ok to say that China officially produces anything and everything from kindling communist kung-fu to easily breakable utensils? Hmm...
Alas, life on earth would be hit with conservative apriorisms. Not that we care - it aids us in poking fun at creatures angrily compeled to contest human order with their unreasoned petitioned ethical codes...
So for all these conservative morons appalled by nudity which they have to pay for to watch - before you get your panties into a bow-tie, Stephen Shiu Yeuk-Yuen said the film "is just like being a voyeur near someone's bed."
Think of it as 'Sex and the City'. Just with sexually-appealing much younger-looking woman...
God bless-ed America, ey?!.
Wednesday 25 May 2011
Clash of the Titans: Arnold Schwarzenegger vs John Edwards
We have every reason to assume that John Edwards felt rather inadequate with all the exterminating peer-pressure from Arnie, whom set the bar over the hill as being knocked-up with xanthippe Maria Shriver for 25 years generates a 'sexless marriage'...
Great terminology when wanting to accede to all the illicit hanky-pankys...
Fearing humiliation in the camp, John probably kicked it up a notch as he allegedly made a sextape with Rielle Hunter...
However, just last week when news broke of Arnies' affaire, John reportedly "took his anger and frustrations out on Rielle", after hearing that parts of his testimony would be made public. No seriously, it's ambiguous and hilariously dull...
Anyhow, John will be indicted for "alleged campaign violence" - which is when you spoof folks into believing that you're an upstanding citizen and righteous donkey politician by implicating your staffer (which in John's case was Andrew Young, a complete birdbrain), as an elligible candidate to take accountability for your extracurricular political activities. Yes, its illegal and ridiculously dumb...
On another note, Arnie continued his domination in the realm of tabloids, as Maria Medel a former friend of Mildred Patty Baena opened up a new can of worms. According to Maria:
"When I met Patty she had already been working for Arnold for several years. She had a minishrine to him in her house - his movie posters, pictures, newspaper clippings, action figures."
So Patty was a horney ferreter whom newly discovered a disturbing obsession which consent Arnie to be obligated in self-serving himself to an off-putting buffet. Maria adds:
"Patty said Arnold had been complaining that his marriage was sexless and Maria [Shriver] was never around, flying all over the world for her TV news."
Feverishly pulsated Arnie was marked with the beast, sexless and compulsed with his high maintenance carnal needs. The story continues as Maria back-fence talks, that:
"She said that one night Arnold had been complaining about feeling lonely and unloved, he started drinking. After a few drinks, Arnold ask Patty to have a drink with him. One drink led to another, and then another. Patty said they started kissing and that led to their first sexual encounter. They had unprotected sex."
Eh? So Consequently, after whimpering like Tom in '500 days of summer' that he's lonely and all that post-adolescent baloney, Arnie unfolded his shriveled straw to the burger Patty. Alas t'was only the FIRST SEXUAL ENCOUNTER that was UNPROTECTED y'know...
Now, lets say you as pathetic and sexless - and can't speak English properly - you had some alcohol to make you sound even more tongue-tied than a deaf bloke - sign-language the lassie an invitation for a drink. And the rest...
Blame it on the alcohol, eh?
Cheers!?.
Great terminology when wanting to accede to all the illicit hanky-pankys...
Fearing humiliation in the camp, John probably kicked it up a notch as he allegedly made a sextape with Rielle Hunter...
However, just last week when news broke of Arnies' affaire, John reportedly "took his anger and frustrations out on Rielle", after hearing that parts of his testimony would be made public. No seriously, it's ambiguous and hilariously dull...
Anyhow, John will be indicted for "alleged campaign violence" - which is when you spoof folks into believing that you're an upstanding citizen and righteous donkey politician by implicating your staffer (which in John's case was Andrew Young, a complete birdbrain), as an elligible candidate to take accountability for your extracurricular political activities. Yes, its illegal and ridiculously dumb...
On another note, Arnie continued his domination in the realm of tabloids, as Maria Medel a former friend of Mildred Patty Baena opened up a new can of worms. According to Maria:
"When I met Patty she had already been working for Arnold for several years. She had a minishrine to him in her house - his movie posters, pictures, newspaper clippings, action figures."
So Patty was a horney ferreter whom newly discovered a disturbing obsession which consent Arnie to be obligated in self-serving himself to an off-putting buffet. Maria adds:
"Patty said Arnold had been complaining that his marriage was sexless and Maria [Shriver] was never around, flying all over the world for her TV news."
Feverishly pulsated Arnie was marked with the beast, sexless and compulsed with his high maintenance carnal needs. The story continues as Maria back-fence talks, that:
"She said that one night Arnold had been complaining about feeling lonely and unloved, he started drinking. After a few drinks, Arnold ask Patty to have a drink with him. One drink led to another, and then another. Patty said they started kissing and that led to their first sexual encounter. They had unprotected sex."
Eh? So Consequently, after whimpering like Tom in '500 days of summer' that he's lonely and all that post-adolescent baloney, Arnie unfolded his shriveled straw to the burger Patty. Alas t'was only the FIRST SEXUAL ENCOUNTER that was UNPROTECTED y'know...
Now, lets say you as pathetic and sexless - and can't speak English properly - you had some alcohol to make you sound even more tongue-tied than a deaf bloke - sign-language the lassie an invitation for a drink. And the rest...
Blame it on the alcohol, eh?
Cheers!?.
End-of-the-world: Camping says 'Diarise October 21', eh?
She & Him: The year was 2011AD.
Looking up, looking down and all about. The setting was a common sight you'll see in Dheli. An abundance of thick air flushed upon us - and it was stuffy and smelt of wellington boots. There were no picket-fences, yet In the backdrop beamed a cheeseburger layered creature with dentures, soiled in a sweaty shirt. Still we couldn't have been located in the U.S...
Scattered across the landscape you could see folks queing up as if they just arrived from the Dheli express at a concentration camp, yet it couldn't have been the Taj Mahal...
Up front was the most hidieous, but sexy looking creature. She had wings. Her hair was the cleanest at present, so it couldn't have been Jakarta...
She sniggered like a hyena, had a scrawny malformed stature queer designers call 'sexy' and had no front teeth. Still it couldn't have been Africa...
How did we get there? And why is there a barcode on our wrists? We're not East European, nor are we Stephen King, ok folks?..
We're delighted to cut the suspension of your thonged undies, so count your blessings in debt clay pidgeons. What a load of hogwash ey? The folks at She & Him are in raptures after hearing that our contracts at blogspot will only expire after Halloween, Oct 21 when Americans are gagged in jawbreakers like stuffed oinks. That's when the next raptures going to take place, ok? Now you know...
Step aside narcoleptic bobby. In the latest update on the 'end-of-the-world' saga Camping announced he was off by 5 months. We blissly enjoy indulging in childish aphorisms at She & Him, so '5 months off' sounds like he's past his sell-by-date. Yes? No?..
Nummerically inclined, but alas he probably rejaculated the days on his Helen Mirren calender-girls, with a scientific calculator. So don't blame scientists, nor Tom Cruise. He's a scientologist, doesn't mean he reasons like a scientist...
With all prospects of alphilbiology, evidently Camping reasons like a 12 year old and thinks his 21 to say antipodal gobbledygook. No, your hindered transition a blunderingly task, still we're incapable of ironning out each crease to make you look the part. Enough insults...
According to the dwindled Camping, the world will end in October without any embroilment of Jesus. He wheezes that:
"We've always said May 21 was the day, but we didn't understand altogether the spiritual meaning. May 21 is the day that Christ came and put the world under judgement."
So there you go folks. The world will casually end under speculation on October 21. Hopefully it would put the cork in the pharynx of these gay and deranged Jehovah Witness' chumps...
Just because we mentioned gay and pharynx - we permit you to be as childish as we at She & Him are for twisting a form of obnoxiously written litterature to stimulate a ridiculously funny mind...
Aside from we at She & Him being blissly inclined to enjoy indulging in childish aphorisms, still, Jehovah Witness' aren't sapphic creatures with deep throats, ok?..
Whatever. Take it at face value. Yessssssiiirie!..
Looking up, looking down and all about. The setting was a common sight you'll see in Dheli. An abundance of thick air flushed upon us - and it was stuffy and smelt of wellington boots. There were no picket-fences, yet In the backdrop beamed a cheeseburger layered creature with dentures, soiled in a sweaty shirt. Still we couldn't have been located in the U.S...
Scattered across the landscape you could see folks queing up as if they just arrived from the Dheli express at a concentration camp, yet it couldn't have been the Taj Mahal...
Up front was the most hidieous, but sexy looking creature. She had wings. Her hair was the cleanest at present, so it couldn't have been Jakarta...
She sniggered like a hyena, had a scrawny malformed stature queer designers call 'sexy' and had no front teeth. Still it couldn't have been Africa...
How did we get there? And why is there a barcode on our wrists? We're not East European, nor are we Stephen King, ok folks?..
We're delighted to cut the suspension of your thonged undies, so count your blessings in debt clay pidgeons. What a load of hogwash ey? The folks at She & Him are in raptures after hearing that our contracts at blogspot will only expire after Halloween, Oct 21 when Americans are gagged in jawbreakers like stuffed oinks. That's when the next raptures going to take place, ok? Now you know...
Step aside narcoleptic bobby. In the latest update on the 'end-of-the-world' saga Camping announced he was off by 5 months. We blissly enjoy indulging in childish aphorisms at She & Him, so '5 months off' sounds like he's past his sell-by-date. Yes? No?..
Nummerically inclined, but alas he probably rejaculated the days on his Helen Mirren calender-girls, with a scientific calculator. So don't blame scientists, nor Tom Cruise. He's a scientologist, doesn't mean he reasons like a scientist...
With all prospects of alphilbiology, evidently Camping reasons like a 12 year old and thinks his 21 to say antipodal gobbledygook. No, your hindered transition a blunderingly task, still we're incapable of ironning out each crease to make you look the part. Enough insults...
According to the dwindled Camping, the world will end in October without any embroilment of Jesus. He wheezes that:
"We've always said May 21 was the day, but we didn't understand altogether the spiritual meaning. May 21 is the day that Christ came and put the world under judgement."
So there you go folks. The world will casually end under speculation on October 21. Hopefully it would put the cork in the pharynx of these gay and deranged Jehovah Witness' chumps...
Just because we mentioned gay and pharynx - we permit you to be as childish as we at She & Him are for twisting a form of obnoxiously written litterature to stimulate a ridiculously funny mind...
Aside from we at She & Him being blissly inclined to enjoy indulging in childish aphorisms, still, Jehovah Witness' aren't sapphic creatures with deep throats, ok?..
Whatever. Take it at face value. Yessssssiiirie!..
Arnold Schwarzenegger may still be a good parent. Just ask Ibn Saud of Saudi Arabia
'I got a bunch of dollars I can spend them on her. Cause she can be my lady, she can be my lover. Call me on a late night, get right he aint acting right... HERE I AM!'
On the Marriott ball Arnie most likely uttered a rendition of Avery Storm when he cozily shacked up with Mildred Patty Baena...
Hence by now most folks heard how the tables turned on californication governator Arnold Schwarzenegger, as a weave of betrayl disentangled when Arnie came clean about his extracurricular political activities, concerning launching his steriod capsule lad into Mildred in good ol' political fashion...
Sadly, we were all ears when Maria Shriver publicized that the chemically imbalanced duo will split. And that Maria will go on talk shows and all that junk to sink us in her grief...
Sigh...
Over the past week Maria has been inspiringly upstanding and boring by encouraging her crabby kids (Katherine, Christina, Patrick and Christopher) to forgive daddy-yanker Arnie for his extracurricular political activities...
A source close to the family backed this boring request up by stating that:
"As hurt as she may be, she will encourage them to forgive their father."
This, after one of the bambino's changed their last name from Schwarzenegger to Shriver, on Twitter. So it's legal to change your last name on Twitter. Yeah something like that...
Nonetheless, the source continued to go on and on by affirming that:
"Both Arnold and Maria want to make sure they are being good parents above everything."
So in spite of the 'unfortunate circumstances' folks. You may be a consorter that shoves their centuries-old flopped shrimp into lassies, and still be a good parent. We've seen it before. Nothing new. Just ask Ibn Saud of Saudia Arabia...
Moving on. Now that Maria's public announcement bore us to tears, Mildred's ex Rogelio Baena disappointedly acknowledged on the subject of learning that his son is in fact a brooded bastard of Arnie. To no avail he vigilantly states that:
"Arnold Schwarzenegger for me [was] my hero... Maria is destroyed."
When questioned how he feels about the bastard, he replied:
"I am your father. That's all."
We don't see this act of generosity too often (Round of applause folks)...
And besides. You're taking a load off daddy-yanker Arnies' frankfurter shoulders while a mob of ankle-biters chant 'DADDY! DADDY! DAAAADDDY!'
On the Marriott ball Arnie most likely uttered a rendition of Avery Storm when he cozily shacked up with Mildred Patty Baena...
Hence by now most folks heard how the tables turned on californication governator Arnold Schwarzenegger, as a weave of betrayl disentangled when Arnie came clean about his extracurricular political activities, concerning launching his steriod capsule lad into Mildred in good ol' political fashion...
Sadly, we were all ears when Maria Shriver publicized that the chemically imbalanced duo will split. And that Maria will go on talk shows and all that junk to sink us in her grief...
Sigh...
Over the past week Maria has been inspiringly upstanding and boring by encouraging her crabby kids (Katherine, Christina, Patrick and Christopher) to forgive daddy-yanker Arnie for his extracurricular political activities...
A source close to the family backed this boring request up by stating that:
"As hurt as she may be, she will encourage them to forgive their father."
This, after one of the bambino's changed their last name from Schwarzenegger to Shriver, on Twitter. So it's legal to change your last name on Twitter. Yeah something like that...
Nonetheless, the source continued to go on and on by affirming that:
"Both Arnold and Maria want to make sure they are being good parents above everything."
So in spite of the 'unfortunate circumstances' folks. You may be a consorter that shoves their centuries-old flopped shrimp into lassies, and still be a good parent. We've seen it before. Nothing new. Just ask Ibn Saud of Saudia Arabia...
Moving on. Now that Maria's public announcement bore us to tears, Mildred's ex Rogelio Baena disappointedly acknowledged on the subject of learning that his son is in fact a brooded bastard of Arnie. To no avail he vigilantly states that:
"Arnold Schwarzenegger for me [was] my hero... Maria is destroyed."
When questioned how he feels about the bastard, he replied:
"I am your father. That's all."
We don't see this act of generosity too often (Round of applause folks)...
And besides. You're taking a load off daddy-yanker Arnies' frankfurter shoulders while a mob of ankle-biters chant 'DADDY! DADDY! DAAAADDDY!'
Tuesday 24 May 2011
Two and a Half Men signing up Ashton Kutcher's just a trial-run to see how unresponsive we are
Pardon. Before we go berserk seeing that we usually resemble the likes of an alphabet killer, and continue to discredit Kutcher for 'winning the lottery'. Civilized as can be, we would like to enthrone Sheen in the She & Him potty shrine.
One- for the impressive ratings he received for transcending from our tv screens...
Two, for spooning gossip columns with editorial disasters...
Lastly, on behalf of all folks universally, thank you for being so considerate in letting Kutcher bleed dry all enthusiasm we had left lingering in our vacant vessels and make a complete blunder of the show for one last season...
All right folks? Yes? No? Maybe? What? Uhmmm? Eh?..
It's a win-win situation folks. Fair enough, while we're still fretting about Kutcher replacing Sheen on 'Two and a Half Men', good news is that it will only be for one season, as Kutcher was only signed for a year. In the meantime, producers may take advantage of our tv sets, handing over more time for American folks to head down to the roadhouse to grab a cheeseburger...
According to sources whom we pilfered an arm and a leg into their udders for information, the show was renewed for a season. Depending on how unreceptive folks are to the show and obesity statistics from the American Public Health Association, Kutcher could be cut from our screens...
Meaning that even if he attempts to make us laugh with his silly antics and not the audience as Sheen did, he would be dropped and be replaced by someone else. We're not surprised as this is very common in American soapies from 'Days of our lives' to 'All My Children' which we no longer bother to watch as most folks are enticed by the Mcd ads popping onto our screens...
It's difficult to discern whether or not the show would be as impressively popular as it was when Sheen was still present, as his guise in reality backed him up for whenever we were on the verge of shutting off our tv sets when the show became too boring...
Potentially. Optimists are sucking their thumbs stating that Kutcher will be just fine as he's able to get a few more years out of the sitcom. What? Eh? Ya? So they say, but we disagree and say...
Hand Kutcher a scrub and have him prance down the hospital halways with JD on scrubs while we call him nurse Kutcher.
Save us from the agony before we become terminally ill...
One- for the impressive ratings he received for transcending from our tv screens...
Two, for spooning gossip columns with editorial disasters...
Lastly, on behalf of all folks universally, thank you for being so considerate in letting Kutcher bleed dry all enthusiasm we had left lingering in our vacant vessels and make a complete blunder of the show for one last season...
All right folks? Yes? No? Maybe? What? Uhmmm? Eh?..
It's a win-win situation folks. Fair enough, while we're still fretting about Kutcher replacing Sheen on 'Two and a Half Men', good news is that it will only be for one season, as Kutcher was only signed for a year. In the meantime, producers may take advantage of our tv sets, handing over more time for American folks to head down to the roadhouse to grab a cheeseburger...
According to sources whom we pilfered an arm and a leg into their udders for information, the show was renewed for a season. Depending on how unreceptive folks are to the show and obesity statistics from the American Public Health Association, Kutcher could be cut from our screens...
Meaning that even if he attempts to make us laugh with his silly antics and not the audience as Sheen did, he would be dropped and be replaced by someone else. We're not surprised as this is very common in American soapies from 'Days of our lives' to 'All My Children' which we no longer bother to watch as most folks are enticed by the Mcd ads popping onto our screens...
It's difficult to discern whether or not the show would be as impressively popular as it was when Sheen was still present, as his guise in reality backed him up for whenever we were on the verge of shutting off our tv sets when the show became too boring...
Potentially. Optimists are sucking their thumbs stating that Kutcher will be just fine as he's able to get a few more years out of the sitcom. What? Eh? Ya? So they say, but we disagree and say...
Hand Kutcher a scrub and have him prance down the hospital halways with JD on scrubs while we call him nurse Kutcher.
Save us from the agony before we become terminally ill...
Unceremonious heave-ho: Marianna Goriuk wants nickles-back from Chad Kroeger
There's nothing like a woman's scorn to undermine a bloke's self-worth and inferior talents...
Whether it ranges from the ridiculing effortless orgasms that dames pretend to be having, to generate the illusion of engjoyment, to the off-putting microwave food that tastes like a bowl of butch with chunks of marrow...
Sadly a fatal blow, as you realize at that point in time you are fenced with a bloodthirsty dame that will bring you nothing but misery. So you go on a emotional twister and paint the district red, only to have the dame accuse you of countless rendezvous with Asian porcelain dolls...
So you left with nothing but your inferior talents and a eeeeeeeeeex vowing to drag you with her 6-feet-under...
Alas, nothings more wicked than having your bottom whacked with a summons to remind you that you impregnated the eeeeeeex's cloud decades ago, and that you're the agent in the traumatic spousal misfortunes that occurred, automatcally granting the ex a slice of your bread (which we all know for a woman a slice is haaaaaaaalf)...
Well folks, this is what happend to Nickleback frontman Chad Kroeger, despite the fact that we can't prove the abovementioned sketch, we have reason to believe that being a rocker's even more off the rocker than the mildly put sketch...
What we can confirm is that Chad's ex (Marianna Goriuk) has now garbed herself with a vindictive cloak and taken Chad to court seeking a handsome $95,000 a month in spousal support. After all, he has only been paying her $10,000 a month in spousal support Y'know...
Upon calling Lady Justic, B.C. Supreme Court Associate Chief Justice-Anne MacKenzie, she outlines an intricate explanation of the 'bread and butter' lifestyle (of $9,7million, so we won't empathize when hearing 'bread and butter'):
"I find $10,000 a month to be unreasonable in all circumstances. The parties' lifestyle was extravagant. According to the claimant, they spent unlimited amounts to improve their properties. The ordered expensive foods and wine, took private jets to Mexico and other places, hired helicopters on the last minute to fly in to Vancouver for the evening and travelled in limousines. He has a variety of assets, including corporations, trusts, partnerships, real property and other assets that are difficult to discern."
Here we thought you were just a rocker gone off the rocker Chad. Bad detection indeed.
Yet, we at She & Him agree that Marianna deserves more. Hearing aids are quite costly Y'know Chad. Lady Justice- Anne MacKenzie declared that Chad pay an amount of $25,000 a month while the common (faux pas) marriage goes to trial, where they'll be able to access 'credibility and reliability' (in other words-checking whether the preluded sketch is true, and if she should get more than $95,000 because she's a woman and all women want half, as according to Marianna $25,000 is just an 'average budget')...
'Average budget' is a common hallucination amongst women. So Marianna's probably unable to pay rent and sleeps under an umbrella, eats out of the trash-can with Top Cat, and begs the streets for change from $25,000 to do ordinary things like grocery shopping, eh?..
Heave a sigh for us dear folks. We forsee that Marianna will be the latest trendsetter of socialites that would demand an even handsomer amount of nickles for every court appearance made...
Although we might not know what Marianna will spendthrift the handsome spousal support on, maybe get a man we hope? Doesn't that count as spousal support too, eh?
What an unceremonious heave-ho...
Whether it ranges from the ridiculing effortless orgasms that dames pretend to be having, to generate the illusion of engjoyment, to the off-putting microwave food that tastes like a bowl of butch with chunks of marrow...
Sadly a fatal blow, as you realize at that point in time you are fenced with a bloodthirsty dame that will bring you nothing but misery. So you go on a emotional twister and paint the district red, only to have the dame accuse you of countless rendezvous with Asian porcelain dolls...
So you left with nothing but your inferior talents and a eeeeeeeeeex vowing to drag you with her 6-feet-under...
Alas, nothings more wicked than having your bottom whacked with a summons to remind you that you impregnated the eeeeeeex's cloud decades ago, and that you're the agent in the traumatic spousal misfortunes that occurred, automatcally granting the ex a slice of your bread (which we all know for a woman a slice is haaaaaaaalf)...
Well folks, this is what happend to Nickleback frontman Chad Kroeger, despite the fact that we can't prove the abovementioned sketch, we have reason to believe that being a rocker's even more off the rocker than the mildly put sketch...
What we can confirm is that Chad's ex (Marianna Goriuk) has now garbed herself with a vindictive cloak and taken Chad to court seeking a handsome $95,000 a month in spousal support. After all, he has only been paying her $10,000 a month in spousal support Y'know...
Upon calling Lady Justic, B.C. Supreme Court Associate Chief Justice-Anne MacKenzie, she outlines an intricate explanation of the 'bread and butter' lifestyle (of $9,7million, so we won't empathize when hearing 'bread and butter'):
"I find $10,000 a month to be unreasonable in all circumstances. The parties' lifestyle was extravagant. According to the claimant, they spent unlimited amounts to improve their properties. The ordered expensive foods and wine, took private jets to Mexico and other places, hired helicopters on the last minute to fly in to Vancouver for the evening and travelled in limousines. He has a variety of assets, including corporations, trusts, partnerships, real property and other assets that are difficult to discern."
Here we thought you were just a rocker gone off the rocker Chad. Bad detection indeed.
Yet, we at She & Him agree that Marianna deserves more. Hearing aids are quite costly Y'know Chad. Lady Justice- Anne MacKenzie declared that Chad pay an amount of $25,000 a month while the common (faux pas) marriage goes to trial, where they'll be able to access 'credibility and reliability' (in other words-checking whether the preluded sketch is true, and if she should get more than $95,000 because she's a woman and all women want half, as according to Marianna $25,000 is just an 'average budget')...
'Average budget' is a common hallucination amongst women. So Marianna's probably unable to pay rent and sleeps under an umbrella, eats out of the trash-can with Top Cat, and begs the streets for change from $25,000 to do ordinary things like grocery shopping, eh?..
Heave a sigh for us dear folks. We forsee that Marianna will be the latest trendsetter of socialites that would demand an even handsomer amount of nickles for every court appearance made...
Although we might not know what Marianna will spendthrift the handsome spousal support on, maybe get a man we hope? Doesn't that count as spousal support too, eh?
What an unceremonious heave-ho...
Amusement park: pubieberscent letters|Totty Biebs' stops kissing mommy
Expression of gratitude for your correspondence mar-ons. We at She & Him take great pleasure in having you mar-ons snub against our cold-shoulders. Not really though. As you brought us grief with your melancholic jargon.
Boohoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
We are exhausted with mar-ons extoliating us for our unsavory reputation and pissing on our parade . We shall not contest notoriety, yet all your bewailing has forced us to smash the tulip vase into our beautiful faces to bring about some dash of empathy...
So, we'll continue to infuriate 3,95 million pubieberscents with literary vitamins, whom pottied themselves into a tantrum when Biebs' engaged in a kindergarten game of ring-a-round-rosie with Selena Gomez at the Billboard Music awards...
Tiresomely, while we at She & Him blotted out to watch Celebrity Apprentice, Justin Bieber has transformed into even more of a brat, and taken the first step into becoming a She & Him when he smooched Selena Gomez' midget portal on stage, crooning 'baby! baby! oooh!' when his butterfly spurted a drop of prostatic fluid in his pampers.
According to sources fictitiously acquinted to celebs (plebs that scoop up doo-doos in the celeb confession cubicle, Twitter), 7,9 million viewers tuned in to the Billboard Music awards, half of which were pubieberscents whom snapped the smooch...
How did they know half were pubieberscents? And the rest were? Yes, pervs. Still, how did they predict that millions of pubieberscents would bend their nap-time curfew?..
Kids grow so fast these days it's difficult to keep track of their activities (Michael RIP). Kids would go to school because they annoy us at home, and because we are forever haunted by their crayola murals on the livingroom walls that psychologists claim to be 'powerful messages being transmitted to us'. Because they are no longer average brats, according to a poopy-scooper they work hard, eh?..
"After working their asses off, they've carved out some serious time to hang out. They're taking a well-deserved break together."
Doing homework together?.. Slumber parties?.. Painting toenails?..What?..WHAAAAAAAAAT?..
Ag, screw child psychology as we theorize that Gomez probably pulled the stint to guarantee her ghastly puny bottom celebrity status... On twitter...
Sigh...
Mi casa es su casa (you are welcome to potty on this lawn)
Adíos conocido/as
Don't bother trying to sniff our vasectomy panties on Facebook or Twitter as the writer chooses to remain anonymous, for reasons of having Jesus' abs and Brad Shits face.
Boohoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
We are exhausted with mar-ons extoliating us for our unsavory reputation and pissing on our parade . We shall not contest notoriety, yet all your bewailing has forced us to smash the tulip vase into our beautiful faces to bring about some dash of empathy...
So, we'll continue to infuriate 3,95 million pubieberscents with literary vitamins, whom pottied themselves into a tantrum when Biebs' engaged in a kindergarten game of ring-a-round-rosie with Selena Gomez at the Billboard Music awards...
Tiresomely, while we at She & Him blotted out to watch Celebrity Apprentice, Justin Bieber has transformed into even more of a brat, and taken the first step into becoming a She & Him when he smooched Selena Gomez' midget portal on stage, crooning 'baby! baby! oooh!' when his butterfly spurted a drop of prostatic fluid in his pampers.
According to sources fictitiously acquinted to celebs (plebs that scoop up doo-doos in the celeb confession cubicle, Twitter), 7,9 million viewers tuned in to the Billboard Music awards, half of which were pubieberscents whom snapped the smooch...
How did they know half were pubieberscents? And the rest were? Yes, pervs. Still, how did they predict that millions of pubieberscents would bend their nap-time curfew?..
Kids grow so fast these days it's difficult to keep track of their activities (Michael RIP). Kids would go to school because they annoy us at home, and because we are forever haunted by their crayola murals on the livingroom walls that psychologists claim to be 'powerful messages being transmitted to us'. Because they are no longer average brats, according to a poopy-scooper they work hard, eh?..
"After working their asses off, they've carved out some serious time to hang out. They're taking a well-deserved break together."
Doing homework together?.. Slumber parties?.. Painting toenails?..What?..WHAAAAAAAAAT?..
Ag, screw child psychology as we theorize that Gomez probably pulled the stint to guarantee her ghastly puny bottom celebrity status... On twitter...
Sigh...
Mi casa es su casa (you are welcome to potty on this lawn)
Adíos conocido/as
Don't bother trying to sniff our vasectomy panties on Facebook or Twitter as the writer chooses to remain anonymous, for reasons of having Jesus' abs and Brad Shits face.
Monday 23 May 2011
We forgot to laugh (Russell Brand deported from Japan)
Russell Brand, for all intents and purposes is not a shaggy-bobbled carbon copy of Janice Dickinson, ok? Japs have eyes despite the fact that their shutters may appear bunged, they are able to tell the difference even with the slightest visual impairment, ok?..
Chopsticks aside folks. Alas, Katy Perry was off the beam when she decided to bring Russell and his pocket-sized notepad chuckles with her to see the sights of Japan. Shame...
It was an aftershock that Japan muddled through, as Brand was deported before he shuffled the Osaka sun from East-West with his ephemeral buffoonery, and booooooringly bothered flora and fauna Jap biodiversity enthusiasts...
Katy bawled out on Twitter, blubbering that:
"So...my husband just got deported back from Japan. I am so. sad. I brought him all this way to show him my favorite place#tokyodreamscrushed".
Imagine how the Japs must've felt knowing that Brand was about to chisel in with his chopticks, cruising through Tokyo streets like a Thai transvestite in a karaoke cab. Katy apparently didn't think much of the deportation as she's evidently avant-garde:
"...but of COURSE I (love) my Japanese fans & the show #MUSTGOON no matter the daily aftershocks or husband kidnappings ! it'snotrightbutit'sokay".
So the show MUSTGOOOOON folks. We said it. Katy said it. We at She & Him wouldn't want to meddle in the ultramodern Jap labs affairs now that Arnie's on the merry-go-round, and have card-extremists papercut us by summoning futuristic androids on cardboard...
Well Russell continued to peel the musk layer off our skins with his thick-skinned text alert:
"Planning escape from Japanese custody. It's bloody hard to dig a tunnel with a chopstick"
Do Japs use chopsticks to remove heroine from low-end alimentary canals? If so, can we get a Yakuza bloke in here for Russell please?..
Mi casa es su casa (you are welcome to potty on this lawn: she0and0him@gmail.com)
Adíos conocido/as
Don't bother trying to sniff our vasectomy panties on Facebook or Twitter as the writer chooses to remain anonymous, for reasons of having Jesus' abs and Brad Shits face.
Chopsticks aside folks. Alas, Katy Perry was off the beam when she decided to bring Russell and his pocket-sized notepad chuckles with her to see the sights of Japan. Shame...
It was an aftershock that Japan muddled through, as Brand was deported before he shuffled the Osaka sun from East-West with his ephemeral buffoonery, and booooooringly bothered flora and fauna Jap biodiversity enthusiasts...
Katy bawled out on Twitter, blubbering that:
"So...my husband just got deported back from Japan. I am so. sad. I brought him all this way to show him my favorite place#tokyodreamscrushed".
Imagine how the Japs must've felt knowing that Brand was about to chisel in with his chopticks, cruising through Tokyo streets like a Thai transvestite in a karaoke cab. Katy apparently didn't think much of the deportation as she's evidently avant-garde:
"...but of COURSE I (love) my Japanese fans & the show #MUSTGOON no matter the daily aftershocks or husband kidnappings ! it'snotrightbutit'sokay".
So the show MUSTGOOOOON folks. We said it. Katy said it. We at She & Him wouldn't want to meddle in the ultramodern Jap labs affairs now that Arnie's on the merry-go-round, and have card-extremists papercut us by summoning futuristic androids on cardboard...
Well Russell continued to peel the musk layer off our skins with his thick-skinned text alert:
"Planning escape from Japanese custody. It's bloody hard to dig a tunnel with a chopstick"
Do Japs use chopsticks to remove heroine from low-end alimentary canals? If so, can we get a Yakuza bloke in here for Russell please?..
Mi casa es su casa (you are welcome to potty on this lawn: she0and0him@gmail.com)
Adíos conocido/as
Don't bother trying to sniff our vasectomy panties on Facebook or Twitter as the writer chooses to remain anonymous, for reasons of having Jesus' abs and Brad Shits face.
Is he Lars for words or just a Trier?
For the most part of our lives, most folks in all probability wouldn't momentarily glance at the tedious history text-book, nor be bothered with any historical chap in their prairie attire for that matter...
They bore the heck out of us as we loathe the endless battles that could've been resolved by trading off fevered livestock. Killing the enemy concurrently, might we add...
A pure example of how history has belittled human reason (when it makes you sympathize with a boorhole), such as the Voortrekker monument where you have a boor kneeling with a pistol, while two Zulu's are stanced ready to jab a spear at the boor. Daft we know, but as the horse dashes off in the backdrop at that point the boor realizes what his horse realized. That's why horses aren't mans best friends, and why Australian blokes go onto wipeout and call themselves ponyboys and not cowboys...
Anyhow, I think we all agree that asinine decisions were made throughout history, and by virtue it has influenced the future, and it impacts the present so that we can change the world for the better...
Yet these ideologies leak into our crusty membranes, and permeates our minds with poppycocks to f*ck up the world again and again. A cyclical process of idiocy, the latter part of history might we concur...
Ahah, before you slay the foreskin out of our trousers, we at She & Him have the evidence to back us up...
While relentlessly grazing with folkies at the toads sponging down in Cannes, we couldn't help but throw a flip-flop at the box when Lars talked nineteen to the dozen, 'I'm a jew and a nazi!'...
Funny? Jew and Nazi? Was Lars sniffing the pesticide fumes coming out of Kirsten Dunst funnel or trying to score with a brute disposition?..
Though our culture-shock-absorbers are absent we didn't find the kind of 'yarned shaggy dog poop jokes only a Dane would find hilarious' fun...
While Lars never managed to piss-off the holy land as much as Biebs did, he did however manage to toggle folkies (the plebs whom think they are somehow acquinted to the half-witted celebs), normal sensitive folkies, pervs and the Cannes directors...
According to the horror-struck Cannes directors, they state that:
"[The Cannes board of directors] profoundly regrets that this forum has been used Lars Von Trier to express comments that are unacceptable, intolerable, and contrary to the ideals of humanity and genorosity that preside over the very existence of the festival".
Evidently Lars has a spoiled coating, one which makes Kirsten Dunst feel 'uncomfortable'. Realising that god has failed him in stature (personification of a living crime-scene), Lars crafted a persona of a filthy rich Jew and a nutcase nazi. This didn't follow-on well as Lars was banished from the festival to creep at a snail's pace until its decided whether or not his movie reeks as much as he does...
The board being the moral vine of all the lunacy in these bore toads, claims that:
"The board of directors firmly condems these comments and declares Lars Von Trier persona non grata at the Festival de Cannes, with effect immediately".
By chance Lars escaped with a black-and-blue ego following him pathetically being spat on with a one-liner by Kirsten Dunst 'you make me feel uncomfortable', and directors of the Cannes festival launching a narrative punch at the persona non grata's pigeon hole...
So who's fountain of urine-soaked knowledge was Lars drinking from (as if it were his own)? Was it from the National Party's act of urination?
So there you have it folkies. Cut the unidirectional potty. History is the past and should remain in the past? Debatable when considering Lars, yes. History's pretty much relevant not as a pick-up-line Lars...
Hence, after being trampled on by the bored of directors, Lars couldn't be contacted for any comments. Not that we care...
Mar-on...
They bore the heck out of us as we loathe the endless battles that could've been resolved by trading off fevered livestock. Killing the enemy concurrently, might we add...
A pure example of how history has belittled human reason (when it makes you sympathize with a boorhole), such as the Voortrekker monument where you have a boor kneeling with a pistol, while two Zulu's are stanced ready to jab a spear at the boor. Daft we know, but as the horse dashes off in the backdrop at that point the boor realizes what his horse realized. That's why horses aren't mans best friends, and why Australian blokes go onto wipeout and call themselves ponyboys and not cowboys...
Anyhow, I think we all agree that asinine decisions were made throughout history, and by virtue it has influenced the future, and it impacts the present so that we can change the world for the better...
Yet these ideologies leak into our crusty membranes, and permeates our minds with poppycocks to f*ck up the world again and again. A cyclical process of idiocy, the latter part of history might we concur...
Ahah, before you slay the foreskin out of our trousers, we at She & Him have the evidence to back us up...
While relentlessly grazing with folkies at the toads sponging down in Cannes, we couldn't help but throw a flip-flop at the box when Lars talked nineteen to the dozen, 'I'm a jew and a nazi!'...
Funny? Jew and Nazi? Was Lars sniffing the pesticide fumes coming out of Kirsten Dunst funnel or trying to score with a brute disposition?..
Though our culture-shock-absorbers are absent we didn't find the kind of 'yarned shaggy dog poop jokes only a Dane would find hilarious' fun...
While Lars never managed to piss-off the holy land as much as Biebs did, he did however manage to toggle folkies (the plebs whom think they are somehow acquinted to the half-witted celebs), normal sensitive folkies, pervs and the Cannes directors...
According to the horror-struck Cannes directors, they state that:
"[The Cannes board of directors] profoundly regrets that this forum has been used Lars Von Trier to express comments that are unacceptable, intolerable, and contrary to the ideals of humanity and genorosity that preside over the very existence of the festival".
Evidently Lars has a spoiled coating, one which makes Kirsten Dunst feel 'uncomfortable'. Realising that god has failed him in stature (personification of a living crime-scene), Lars crafted a persona of a filthy rich Jew and a nutcase nazi. This didn't follow-on well as Lars was banished from the festival to creep at a snail's pace until its decided whether or not his movie reeks as much as he does...
The board being the moral vine of all the lunacy in these bore toads, claims that:
"The board of directors firmly condems these comments and declares Lars Von Trier persona non grata at the Festival de Cannes, with effect immediately".
By chance Lars escaped with a black-and-blue ego following him pathetically being spat on with a one-liner by Kirsten Dunst 'you make me feel uncomfortable', and directors of the Cannes festival launching a narrative punch at the persona non grata's pigeon hole...
So who's fountain of urine-soaked knowledge was Lars drinking from (as if it were his own)? Was it from the National Party's act of urination?
So there you have it folkies. Cut the unidirectional potty. History is the past and should remain in the past? Debatable when considering Lars, yes. History's pretty much relevant not as a pick-up-line Lars...
Hence, after being trampled on by the bored of directors, Lars couldn't be contacted for any comments. Not that we care...
Mar-on...
Thursday 19 May 2011
YOOOOOOOOU! Soulja boy's not a con artist, ok? Soulja boy tell em', eh?
Soulja boy's noob to the realm of She & Him since we only feature batty clams and daffy creatures...
No, you don't have to be dim-witted or dippy to acquaint yourself to the She & Him chalkboard. There are pre-requisites though, as you have to do something extraordinarily dumb and be ridiculously stupid. So we at She & Him welcome you Soulja boy based upon the allegations, ok...
Anyways, to get back to the nitty-gritty. Remember that December gig where Soulja boy was supposedly advertised to perform at? Well it was unjust enrichment, as he never showed up, and concert tickets were as worthless as lottery tickets, eh?..
Sometimes people need time to think right? Especially Soulja boy with his polyphonic-tone tunes and catchphrase diction. So maybe he needed time to rethink his career, right? Regrettably, it's not an act of kindness to leave fans in isolation at an empty concert, right?..
Though we wouldn't sue him for that, considering how effecient the legal system is at back-ups, and fence-jumpin. One man, but YOOOOOOOU, has decided to whip-lash Soulja boy to the courts, as Soulja boy burnt his bridges, and hauled on with more than what was expected from the poorly sold ticket sales, with his nappy trousers to only who knows where...
According to TrinCity chief, Joseph Sheldon Brewster, Soulja boy was paid $16,250 in advance to secure the gig date, $8,000 for radio and tv advertisements. He further spoils the icing on the cake by accusing Soulja boy, Myspace Music and Interscope records for stopping the concert, and refusing to payback advertising costs of $10,000...
Technically, it's breach of contract. And we wouldn't be in the right state of mind if we were to claim that the bloke was unreasonable in sueing Soulja boy. Nobody sues you unreasonably without cause. If they do carry through with it, it just means you're a shitty person. And if blokes you are sueing doesn't give two hoots, then they practically don't give a shit about you too...
Besides, it seems as if the bloke's mathematically impaired as he made incoherant calculations with regard to the amount he's supposed to be reimbursed with...
So, $16,250 + $8,000=$24,250, right? Sadly the bloke's sueing for $1 million...
Whaaaat?.. Whaaaaaaaaat?.. Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?...
$1 millioooooooooooooon?..
What a spiteful dope, probably sueing for emotional distress as Soulja wouldn't even kiss him through the phone...
We'll take it at face value as we don't know whether Soulja boy shipped off with more loot than what he was supposed. Frankly, Soulja boy's as uncommitted as all folks are with daily tasks, yet he's a fence-sitter when it comes to music. So, Soulja boy's not a con artist, ok. For now that is, eh?..
No, you don't have to be dim-witted or dippy to acquaint yourself to the She & Him chalkboard. There are pre-requisites though, as you have to do something extraordinarily dumb and be ridiculously stupid. So we at She & Him welcome you Soulja boy based upon the allegations, ok...
Anyways, to get back to the nitty-gritty. Remember that December gig where Soulja boy was supposedly advertised to perform at? Well it was unjust enrichment, as he never showed up, and concert tickets were as worthless as lottery tickets, eh?..
Sometimes people need time to think right? Especially Soulja boy with his polyphonic-tone tunes and catchphrase diction. So maybe he needed time to rethink his career, right? Regrettably, it's not an act of kindness to leave fans in isolation at an empty concert, right?..
Though we wouldn't sue him for that, considering how effecient the legal system is at back-ups, and fence-jumpin. One man, but YOOOOOOOU, has decided to whip-lash Soulja boy to the courts, as Soulja boy burnt his bridges, and hauled on with more than what was expected from the poorly sold ticket sales, with his nappy trousers to only who knows where...
According to TrinCity chief, Joseph Sheldon Brewster, Soulja boy was paid $16,250 in advance to secure the gig date, $8,000 for radio and tv advertisements. He further spoils the icing on the cake by accusing Soulja boy, Myspace Music and Interscope records for stopping the concert, and refusing to payback advertising costs of $10,000...
Technically, it's breach of contract. And we wouldn't be in the right state of mind if we were to claim that the bloke was unreasonable in sueing Soulja boy. Nobody sues you unreasonably without cause. If they do carry through with it, it just means you're a shitty person. And if blokes you are sueing doesn't give two hoots, then they practically don't give a shit about you too...
Besides, it seems as if the bloke's mathematically impaired as he made incoherant calculations with regard to the amount he's supposed to be reimbursed with...
So, $16,250 + $8,000=$24,250, right? Sadly the bloke's sueing for $1 million...
Whaaaat?.. Whaaaaaaaaat?.. Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?...
$1 millioooooooooooooon?..
What a spiteful dope, probably sueing for emotional distress as Soulja wouldn't even kiss him through the phone...
We'll take it at face value as we don't know whether Soulja boy shipped off with more loot than what he was supposed. Frankly, Soulja boy's as uncommitted as all folks are with daily tasks, yet he's a fence-sitter when it comes to music. So, Soulja boy's not a con artist, ok. For now that is, eh?..
Eminem reconsiders disinteresting cinema-going folks
The seasons has changed Eminem new now that he's realized he wasn't made for rap, as all white folks have emptied stadium-sized concerts, and now opted to tune their waxy eardrums to Katherine Jenkins whom frankly is not shoddy...
Candidly, he's not tacky enough to keep track of gnarly white-trash Ke$ha, and the general public are conked-out of listening to a white dolt bark about his identity crisis, and how he should've been black and not an albino...
Also, society's beat with the scurrilous language he calls rap, and it irritates us as he off-puttingly grouches that his Milf mother is a 'whore', and the tots names he's always fanaticizing in his songs about, like a pedophile...
Up till now we thought that the kingdom had come, when Eminem splotched 8mile onto our free-to-air channels, to see him for all the stupid shit that his done. Far from glorified, and backed with a movie where he squats to rap, Em' bent our ears with additional cellphone ringtones which we bluetoothed to each other, and mimicked the lyrics to whenever we had to defend ourselves against thugs...
Straightfowardly, we've never taken Em' too seriously, until recently when he announced that he's tired of being McHammer broke, and that he's open to the transition of going from rapper to actor...
Like a bad dream we were too tired to zip-lock Em' as he idiomatically states that:
"I think Ice Cube said this one time; I think I heard him say this one time. If you can rap, if you can perform to the camera for singing and videos, it should be pretty, fairly natural transition. I felt like having heard him say that was like, 'Oh, this may be fairly easy -and it wasn't."
Ice Cube was quite convincingly authentic in movies due to his cataloged criminal superiority... His ability to make us feel racially inferior... And he was the idyllic profile for the character as a criminal... Fact is, he was as unsuccesful as a cubic zirconia at wining lady's heart...
Furthermore, Em' adds that:
"It's a whole different thing, because you may be used to performing to the camera, but it's a whole different ball game when the music is off and you have lines that you need to say. It takes a minute to get used to."
Acting's quite diff' Em'. You see you need to learn lines which contains indisputable content, proper English, requiring talking and not lip-synching like a tarred white rabbit...
With a soupcon of colloquialism, Em's more than a troubled perform. He's just shitty, crappy and tawdry at acting. Which explains why he made a cameo appearance in Judd Apatow's 'Funny people'...
But who are we to pass judgement onto Em' as he made an adequate impression on the monotonous 8mile, to bring us the hush-hush of American projects...
Still, we hope that Em' won't give acting another shot as numerous clods and addlebrain puppets have failed to achieve any fame, from Vanessa hudgens and Selena Gomez to Biebs. They're all crappy. Vice versa. Lip-synching, no singing. You'll be the clay pidgeon to our ballpoints...
Candidly, he's not tacky enough to keep track of gnarly white-trash Ke$ha, and the general public are conked-out of listening to a white dolt bark about his identity crisis, and how he should've been black and not an albino...
Also, society's beat with the scurrilous language he calls rap, and it irritates us as he off-puttingly grouches that his Milf mother is a 'whore', and the tots names he's always fanaticizing in his songs about, like a pedophile...
Up till now we thought that the kingdom had come, when Eminem splotched 8mile onto our free-to-air channels, to see him for all the stupid shit that his done. Far from glorified, and backed with a movie where he squats to rap, Em' bent our ears with additional cellphone ringtones which we bluetoothed to each other, and mimicked the lyrics to whenever we had to defend ourselves against thugs...
Straightfowardly, we've never taken Em' too seriously, until recently when he announced that he's tired of being McHammer broke, and that he's open to the transition of going from rapper to actor...
Like a bad dream we were too tired to zip-lock Em' as he idiomatically states that:
"I think Ice Cube said this one time; I think I heard him say this one time. If you can rap, if you can perform to the camera for singing and videos, it should be pretty, fairly natural transition. I felt like having heard him say that was like, 'Oh, this may be fairly easy -and it wasn't."
Ice Cube was quite convincingly authentic in movies due to his cataloged criminal superiority... His ability to make us feel racially inferior... And he was the idyllic profile for the character as a criminal... Fact is, he was as unsuccesful as a cubic zirconia at wining lady's heart...
Furthermore, Em' adds that:
"It's a whole different thing, because you may be used to performing to the camera, but it's a whole different ball game when the music is off and you have lines that you need to say. It takes a minute to get used to."
Acting's quite diff' Em'. You see you need to learn lines which contains indisputable content, proper English, requiring talking and not lip-synching like a tarred white rabbit...
With a soupcon of colloquialism, Em's more than a troubled perform. He's just shitty, crappy and tawdry at acting. Which explains why he made a cameo appearance in Judd Apatow's 'Funny people'...
But who are we to pass judgement onto Em' as he made an adequate impression on the monotonous 8mile, to bring us the hush-hush of American projects...
Still, we hope that Em' won't give acting another shot as numerous clods and addlebrain puppets have failed to achieve any fame, from Vanessa hudgens and Selena Gomez to Biebs. They're all crappy. Vice versa. Lip-synching, no singing. You'll be the clay pidgeon to our ballpoints...
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