You know the feeling. When the universe is giving you a hard time. We're often ambushed by the universe itself as there's never enough time to do nothing - the things we do for people. You can't put a price on it ey?..
It doesn't get more decent than Andy Dick folks. Hell hath no fury for Andy Dick's unpassionate itchy crotch. Yessssssrie! He has a gift, talent, practical expertise - for a series of snot blogs writings...
Such as peeing on a public display at the Newport Beach Film Festival - probably peeing on the lawsuit TP (toilet paper!) - and now for smearing his irritated nuts against Robert Tucker at a Dallas comedy club back in December. What a dickhead!..
Whether he seek or denied it, Andy delicately handled the sensitivities - and made sure there was one on each table - a face for that matter...
According to sources whom we think we should mention:
Andy walked into the crowd dressed like a woman (try picturing Meryl Streep), and "pulled down his costume skirt with his right hand, exposing the fact that he was not wearing underwear beneath the skirt." He then unpassionately "forced his genitals against the left sid of [Robert's] face."
Honestly. It doesn't mean you're a pathetic tin-man who's been preyed on by Andy Dick and his itchy coconuts in public display Robert. If we had our ball-points caught in-between a polyester fibre, you would, we would, probably, flick-it out yellin' 'GNAW IT OFF! GNAW IT OFF YOU SUCKER!..
Pissed off at the universe, in universal opion and the animal kingdom - doesn't literally imply pissing on public displays. If so, Andy most certainly, will be kicked in the balls with a lawsuit. It's the universe way of ziping our testicles to give us a hard time...
Thats that...
Tuesday 31 May 2011
'The roof is on fire'- Paris manufactures house music album
Once upon a time in a land far, far, far, faaaaaar away from away, there lived an artificial manufactured, chemically imbalanced simpleton - Paris Hilton. She was a robot with a tupperware cranium containing stale pronutro - poroxide acryllic hair - a walking talking robot you lot refer to as a 'heir'.
Paris is back, sadly with a matchbox mental capacity to make herself known again, as talks surface that she'll releasing her '2nd album' - a 2nd single of poorer quality. Pass us the bottle of wiskey...
There's no doubt that her music is of poor quality - come on it's Paris we're talking about. She's terrible boring on a muted tv - and arse-wiping tabloid spreadsheet. Great, eh?
Undoubtedly, her previous single 'stars are blind' resonated an auditory scenery of a throttled backseat driver - faultfinder critics took bliss in writing up colums and colums of her gleaming stupidity - and folks like us who love a bad outcome - loved it when sales totaled the equivalence of a kg of chicken liver...
Paris' music was of pop genre - because it was bizarrely popular dottiness. Now Paris has revealed that she'll be making a transition - no not on par with evolution - by releasing a conky head-thumping house music album...
She dumb-ly-dum-bly-dumb states:
"I have a recording studio in my house so any time I have free time I'm writing and working [on new music]. I've been working on this album for a really long time because I want it to be perfect. I recently changed the direction of the album. It was more pop before but now I'm getting rid of a lot of songs and going into a different direction with house music, so it will be a lot more dance and club."
Alas, realising her basal aptitude levels at being musically inclined - Paris' annoying catchphrase will post-hypnotically drain all common sense - we'll hand it all to her - while we lock ourselves in bathroom cubicles to 'escape reality', such you kiddies' blot - flushing our heads over and over again in the pot - and wake up with a tumor hangover with a tatoo beaming off your wrist 'par'ass'...
Or we could toss the album into the fire or set the studio alight - and disco like injun's...
Au revoir. That's paris, eh?..
Paris is back, sadly with a matchbox mental capacity to make herself known again, as talks surface that she'll releasing her '2nd album' - a 2nd single of poorer quality. Pass us the bottle of wiskey...
There's no doubt that her music is of poor quality - come on it's Paris we're talking about. She's terrible boring on a muted tv - and arse-wiping tabloid spreadsheet. Great, eh?
Undoubtedly, her previous single 'stars are blind' resonated an auditory scenery of a throttled backseat driver - faultfinder critics took bliss in writing up colums and colums of her gleaming stupidity - and folks like us who love a bad outcome - loved it when sales totaled the equivalence of a kg of chicken liver...
Paris' music was of pop genre - because it was bizarrely popular dottiness. Now Paris has revealed that she'll be making a transition - no not on par with evolution - by releasing a conky head-thumping house music album...
She dumb-ly-dum-bly-dumb states:
"I have a recording studio in my house so any time I have free time I'm writing and working [on new music]. I've been working on this album for a really long time because I want it to be perfect. I recently changed the direction of the album. It was more pop before but now I'm getting rid of a lot of songs and going into a different direction with house music, so it will be a lot more dance and club."
Alas, realising her basal aptitude levels at being musically inclined - Paris' annoying catchphrase will post-hypnotically drain all common sense - we'll hand it all to her - while we lock ourselves in bathroom cubicles to 'escape reality', such you kiddies' blot - flushing our heads over and over again in the pot - and wake up with a tumor hangover with a tatoo beaming off your wrist 'par'ass'...
Or we could toss the album into the fire or set the studio alight - and disco like injun's...
Au revoir. That's paris, eh?..
Erectile dysfunction- Moby loves music more than the Britney + Ke$ha
What does Britney & Ke$ha have in common, besides for looking tacky and schlocky?..
Both these crud's music wane our auditory canals to a screeching halt, to the point where we dismember our ears - our organs flee like fugitives as if we just administered self-chemo - we become grumpy and astringent in a pool of vomit. Perhaps like Moby?..
Moby, the 'blimpy penis-bald 45year old' muso's blowing the whistle on Britney and Ke$ha - believing that they should not be labeled as "music"...
The bloke describes Britney as "broken" and that he's no longer attracted to her because she's lost all appeal since her rise to stardumb, due to her train-wreck lifestyle...
He goes on to say that the music's "fun, but I don't think of it as music." So the music that Britney and Ke$ha croon are shitty music. Says who? Says Moby the shriveled penis lad...
"It's manufactured. I appreciate it as a pop culture phenomenom and some of the songs I like if I hear them in a shopping mall or something, but it doesn't function as music for me."
Its' basically like saying, 'I enjoy hearing their music in a shopping mall. Only problem is, it doesn't function as music to me because my head begins to swell like testicles to an elephantoid size and I can't openly embrace the pop culture phenomenom with a wank in the shopping mall loo.'
Just in case we forgot what real music is amongst all the shitty artists, Moby wanks that "music is something that communicates emotion and integrity in a really interesting, direct way."
Moby angrily frustrated with the love of music, and not women, continued his build-up to the neverending climax, adding:
"And when I listen to the pop music you're describing, it's hyper-produced corporate product."
Don't even try to get Moby started on music folks, not that we care. He wails:
"That isn't really even a criticism, but I just think calling it music is a misnomer."
What a stagnate old man with goose egg integrity. We don't expect the written-off Brit' or off-putting Quiche to bite the hand that feeds them. Picture their snotty faces at the bedsit - can you see Britney and Ke$ha moaining 'moby dick'...
Both these crud's music wane our auditory canals to a screeching halt, to the point where we dismember our ears - our organs flee like fugitives as if we just administered self-chemo - we become grumpy and astringent in a pool of vomit. Perhaps like Moby?..
Moby, the 'blimpy penis-bald 45year old' muso's blowing the whistle on Britney and Ke$ha - believing that they should not be labeled as "music"...
The bloke describes Britney as "broken" and that he's no longer attracted to her because she's lost all appeal since her rise to stardumb, due to her train-wreck lifestyle...
He goes on to say that the music's "fun, but I don't think of it as music." So the music that Britney and Ke$ha croon are shitty music. Says who? Says Moby the shriveled penis lad...
"It's manufactured. I appreciate it as a pop culture phenomenom and some of the songs I like if I hear them in a shopping mall or something, but it doesn't function as music for me."
Its' basically like saying, 'I enjoy hearing their music in a shopping mall. Only problem is, it doesn't function as music to me because my head begins to swell like testicles to an elephantoid size and I can't openly embrace the pop culture phenomenom with a wank in the shopping mall loo.'
Just in case we forgot what real music is amongst all the shitty artists, Moby wanks that "music is something that communicates emotion and integrity in a really interesting, direct way."
Moby angrily frustrated with the love of music, and not women, continued his build-up to the neverending climax, adding:
"And when I listen to the pop music you're describing, it's hyper-produced corporate product."
Don't even try to get Moby started on music folks, not that we care. He wails:
"That isn't really even a criticism, but I just think calling it music is a misnomer."
What a stagnate old man with goose egg integrity. We don't expect the written-off Brit' or off-putting Quiche to bite the hand that feeds them. Picture their snotty faces at the bedsit - can you see Britney and Ke$ha moaining 'moby dick'...
Monday 30 May 2011
Arnold Schwarzenegger's morning-after pill
We find it funny when celebs are caught with their pants down other than in the loo - we agree its' a supernatural deed that no lie could possibly conceal elements of truth. So they cowplop some story in their defense - the bedmate they once stuck their apparatus into now seeks financial retribution. It should not come as a surprise that these celebs bamboozle us with deceit to make themselves look chokingly interesting...
Arnold McDonald as you all heard - is the latest face of the burger Patty. The condom broke, yes! A bastard emerged from a Arnold McDonald happy meal, yes! Witnesses are on hands and knees adding to the accusations, yes! What more could we ask for? More and more cowplop, yes...
Amidst the Arnie affaire de coeur, word from the horse's mouth claims that Arnie was quite a selective prick allowing only one household staffer into his play pen...
Yes folks that's right! He may have had a wandering lazer beam lad, yet he was a one-household staffer scuzzbag...
The nanny who worked for Arnold and Maria Shriver during the Mildred Patty Era, claims that Arnold was quite the courteous and honorable man when not maneuvering his terminator gadget into household staff...
According to the nanny whom 'never' aggresively pursued Arnies' frankfurter as Patty did, she wails that he "was a flirt, but never touched me inappropriately, or anyone else that I could tell." She also states that he was "respectful" towards other female staffers...
Oh, Arnie was a polished chap - a governator, in other words a philanderer - respected staffers by not bunking them in the Conan den without consent or a condom - made a few advances but settled on horseplay with Patty - t'was a pure innocent austrian letter (antonym for a french letter), heavy petting with Mildred, ah...
Whom are we kidding? Patty was not the only exception. Arnies' evangelist juju captivated your attention too nanny. He just didn't bag you. Nor would he now or maybe he would now that Patty's a pre-owned nonessential...
In cahoots with staffers these celebs bamboozle us to cross out the odds of speculation. We blindly ignore their gibbering because they are lonely and bored. Still, a well-run politician is bound to have a batch of...
Cliffhangers!..
Arnold McDonald as you all heard - is the latest face of the burger Patty. The condom broke, yes! A bastard emerged from a Arnold McDonald happy meal, yes! Witnesses are on hands and knees adding to the accusations, yes! What more could we ask for? More and more cowplop, yes...
Amidst the Arnie affaire de coeur, word from the horse's mouth claims that Arnie was quite a selective prick allowing only one household staffer into his play pen...
Yes folks that's right! He may have had a wandering lazer beam lad, yet he was a one-household staffer scuzzbag...
The nanny who worked for Arnold and Maria Shriver during the Mildred Patty Era, claims that Arnold was quite the courteous and honorable man when not maneuvering his terminator gadget into household staff...
According to the nanny whom 'never' aggresively pursued Arnies' frankfurter as Patty did, she wails that he "was a flirt, but never touched me inappropriately, or anyone else that I could tell." She also states that he was "respectful" towards other female staffers...
Oh, Arnie was a polished chap - a governator, in other words a philanderer - respected staffers by not bunking them in the Conan den without consent or a condom - made a few advances but settled on horseplay with Patty - t'was a pure innocent austrian letter (antonym for a french letter), heavy petting with Mildred, ah...
Whom are we kidding? Patty was not the only exception. Arnies' evangelist juju captivated your attention too nanny. He just didn't bag you. Nor would he now or maybe he would now that Patty's a pre-owned nonessential...
In cahoots with staffers these celebs bamboozle us to cross out the odds of speculation. We blindly ignore their gibbering because they are lonely and bored. Still, a well-run politician is bound to have a batch of...
Cliffhangers!..
Beckham a nuisance on highways and the football pitch
Oi! Beckham! Have you gone dotty?..
Do you hate America so bad that you are willing to rear-end plebs onto the ambulance stretcher?..
Or, are you just bugging out at the sight the embryo warting out of the manikin - your lass Victoria? ..
Probably the most angry bloke on the road in America at this point in time - Beckham "driving reckelessly" ploughed his meshed foot on the accelerator pedal jamming in to cars on the freeway, taunting avid dailers to hang-up on the late-night special and dail 911...
Beckham sparked a new trend of car accidents since May 6 - and has become feverishly popular than phone sex hotlines on 911, as sources close to our wellies claim that he was "speeding really bad... driving wrecklessly... breaking a couple of traffic laws." Sigh...
Authorities and folks don't give two hoots with regard to Beckhams impaired motor coordination as keeping him off the football pitch leads to greener pastures...
A spokesman for Beckham tells She & Him:
"As unfortunate as accidents are, David was not cited for the police at the scene for any violations."
Meaning, he was a polite bloke - journeying as if it were a sunday drive down the highway with his son Brooklyn - not breaking the law by moving in and out of the car pool lane - then likely onto the pavement - for safety reasons - while folks humorously paddled passed him as if they were on trikes...
He probably handed Brooklyn the wheel so that he would not be cited for any traffic violations at the scene - the crash happend but it was not Beckham, ok?..
Take it from Brad, Beckham.
"I certainly don't raise my kids that same way. I'm painfully aware that my actions leave a double mark on them in these formidable years, so I make sure I don't bring my crap at home."
What a way to egg on the old-spice enthusiast Beckham. We suggest you crash at home and buy canned food folks. Hopefully up until Beckham receives parenting skills, before there are more puppets hanging from highway lightpoles...
Do you hate America so bad that you are willing to rear-end plebs onto the ambulance stretcher?..
Or, are you just bugging out at the sight the embryo warting out of the manikin - your lass Victoria? ..
Probably the most angry bloke on the road in America at this point in time - Beckham "driving reckelessly" ploughed his meshed foot on the accelerator pedal jamming in to cars on the freeway, taunting avid dailers to hang-up on the late-night special and dail 911...
Beckham sparked a new trend of car accidents since May 6 - and has become feverishly popular than phone sex hotlines on 911, as sources close to our wellies claim that he was "speeding really bad... driving wrecklessly... breaking a couple of traffic laws." Sigh...
Authorities and folks don't give two hoots with regard to Beckhams impaired motor coordination as keeping him off the football pitch leads to greener pastures...
A spokesman for Beckham tells She & Him:
"As unfortunate as accidents are, David was not cited for the police at the scene for any violations."
Meaning, he was a polite bloke - journeying as if it were a sunday drive down the highway with his son Brooklyn - not breaking the law by moving in and out of the car pool lane - then likely onto the pavement - for safety reasons - while folks humorously paddled passed him as if they were on trikes...
He probably handed Brooklyn the wheel so that he would not be cited for any traffic violations at the scene - the crash happend but it was not Beckham, ok?..
Take it from Brad, Beckham.
"I certainly don't raise my kids that same way. I'm painfully aware that my actions leave a double mark on them in these formidable years, so I make sure I don't bring my crap at home."
What a way to egg on the old-spice enthusiast Beckham. We suggest you crash at home and buy canned food folks. Hopefully up until Beckham receives parenting skills, before there are more puppets hanging from highway lightpoles...
The amphitheatre of being a sucker- gambling + Nelly (including all those other substances he denies)
Gambling is an age-old tradition where simpletons would foolishly spendthrift their hardcheese paychecks at the promise of cloud cuckoo land. As a result of their gluttony they are responsible for boggling up their own lives - we pity the fools and patronize them with tv ad slogans 'gamble responsibly' - not that it matters...
Regardless of the righteous son-of-a-bitch lifestyle which doinks pretend to be having - we were born to gamble - life's a gamble, ey?..
Since the genesis of the bedraggled marble we call earth, gambling's pretty much accredited by god as both ancient Catholics and Jews gambled for 'religious reasons', for all one knows to counter the devils luck. For instance, Jesus never required a fishing rod but only a table and axiom commandments where he could gamble with fish...
Some folks have even taken gambling to the extreme by bucking the odds in a killer game of russian roulette - while others hedged the bets going out a limb in a 8-bit game a mahjong...
Still, nothing beats when you're in albatross - a herculean liquidator at your door-step to give you a flash from the past - that your talents were put to an unworthy use...
Which is what happend to Nelly as his talents were put to unworthy use. It appears that Nelly's cheese has gone hard, as his ex manager, Slim, conveys the impression that Nelly's a charlatan in the game of rap - he packs steriods and cocaine in to his hopeless bag of bones...
Furthermore, Slim airs Nelly's dirty laundry - claiming that he has 'financial woes' - due to the rapper's gambling problem which now has him in a bottomless pit of debt - concurrently losing his home in the process. We speculate that even the toothfairy would capitalize on the situation leaving Nelly toothless...
Nelly tattles like a toothless opus on twitter denying the allegations. He wrote that:
"I no some hoping that 4closure statement is tru but I'm sorry EPIC FAIL!"
Err?!? So to an extent the abovementioned idiomatic statement's true as we're inclined to think that there's a obviously perplexed admission of guilt, "I'm sorry EPIC FAIL!". Nelly continues to defend himself in the third person, adding that:
"Don't nothing go into this body but fish, chicken, turkey, protein, ROZAY, ciroc remy and Budweiser. The only people who say that is people that don't work out. Anyone who goes to the gym knows what Nelly is doing is nothing."
Ok, now that we've been around twice to the bickering of the loggerheads. We at She & Him choose to remain bliasé - you decide folks - before we bring into existence the purely biased and obnoxious She & Him tools of assessment...
Anyways Nelly - from She & Him to you - we bring forth a catchpenny cliché recently used by a characterless tit...
'Some guys are like scratchcards. Exciting at first, until you scratch away the surface to reveal the loser beneath.'
'#OMGJustSoEpic', eh?!?
Daft we know, err...
Mi casa es su casa (you are welcome to potty a comment on this lawn)
Adíos conocido/as
Don't bother trying to sniff our vasectomy panties on Facebook or Twitter as the writer chooses to remain anonymous, for reasons of having Jesus' abs and Brad Shits face.
Regardless of the righteous son-of-a-bitch lifestyle which doinks pretend to be having - we were born to gamble - life's a gamble, ey?..
Since the genesis of the bedraggled marble we call earth, gambling's pretty much accredited by god as both ancient Catholics and Jews gambled for 'religious reasons', for all one knows to counter the devils luck. For instance, Jesus never required a fishing rod but only a table and axiom commandments where he could gamble with fish...
Some folks have even taken gambling to the extreme by bucking the odds in a killer game of russian roulette - while others hedged the bets going out a limb in a 8-bit game a mahjong...
Still, nothing beats when you're in albatross - a herculean liquidator at your door-step to give you a flash from the past - that your talents were put to an unworthy use...
Which is what happend to Nelly as his talents were put to unworthy use. It appears that Nelly's cheese has gone hard, as his ex manager, Slim, conveys the impression that Nelly's a charlatan in the game of rap - he packs steriods and cocaine in to his hopeless bag of bones...
Furthermore, Slim airs Nelly's dirty laundry - claiming that he has 'financial woes' - due to the rapper's gambling problem which now has him in a bottomless pit of debt - concurrently losing his home in the process. We speculate that even the toothfairy would capitalize on the situation leaving Nelly toothless...
Nelly tattles like a toothless opus on twitter denying the allegations. He wrote that:
"I no some hoping that 4closure statement is tru but I'm sorry EPIC FAIL!"
Err?!? So to an extent the abovementioned idiomatic statement's true as we're inclined to think that there's a obviously perplexed admission of guilt, "I'm sorry EPIC FAIL!". Nelly continues to defend himself in the third person, adding that:
"Don't nothing go into this body but fish, chicken, turkey, protein, ROZAY, ciroc remy and Budweiser. The only people who say that is people that don't work out. Anyone who goes to the gym knows what Nelly is doing is nothing."
Ok, now that we've been around twice to the bickering of the loggerheads. We at She & Him choose to remain bliasé - you decide folks - before we bring into existence the purely biased and obnoxious She & Him tools of assessment...
Anyways Nelly - from She & Him to you - we bring forth a catchpenny cliché recently used by a characterless tit...
'Some guys are like scratchcards. Exciting at first, until you scratch away the surface to reveal the loser beneath.'
'#OMGJustSoEpic', eh?!?
Daft we know, err...
Mi casa es su casa (you are welcome to potty a comment on this lawn)
Adíos conocido/as
Don't bother trying to sniff our vasectomy panties on Facebook or Twitter as the writer chooses to remain anonymous, for reasons of having Jesus' abs and Brad Shits face.
Public indecency: Reggie Bush upset over Kim K's engagement
There's nothing more tardy than a begrudging emotive bloke who's upset over an engagement and future marriage, as if he's never caught the wilted boquet of flowers...
Ironically, Reggie Bush is disturbingly all torn-up with the news of his ex Kim Kardashian's betroth to Kris Humphries - whom went down on his knee-cap and slapped a custom-designed 20.5-carrot Lorraine Schwartz diamond sparkler onto her finger...
Also, in the Kardash' camp, the obscured with little-opportunity siblings of Kim stated that the family was becoming a "bussiness". Which in our minds we decode as a cathouse of Jezebel's...
Anyhow, Kim and Reggie had their fair share of 'ups and downs'. Yet, Reggie who has slip-off more than just what would be a garter for Kris, was a bit of a sucker for love when he in a seziure of emotion canceled an appearance at the European car race, Gumball rally 3000, so that he could cheerlessly mourn the loss of the Jezebel like a sourpuss...
According to an insider:
"We heard Kim got engaged, so we didn't think that's why [Reggie] didn't turn up. He must be pretty cut up. He sounded like he was, and that was why he didn't make it down. I hope Reggie gets it together for the rally. It'll be just what he needs to get out of the road and party."
Was Reggie upset because Kardashian's mom never brought two mini-horses covered in glitter for them, as she did for Kris and Kim at a party?..
Or was he brokenheartedly crooning to one of Eminem's companionless rap ballads, 'Kim! Kiiiim!Why don't you like me?'
We have yet to get a reply from Reggie, so we hope that E! camera's snaps him whimpering on one knee like a wanker...
For what it's worth Reggie, Kim's worth a bunch of corroded compost with 20.5 spoiled carrots...
Be sarcastically in high spirits like all pervs are about the engagement. Go ahead, wank it off Reggie...
Ironically, Reggie Bush is disturbingly all torn-up with the news of his ex Kim Kardashian's betroth to Kris Humphries - whom went down on his knee-cap and slapped a custom-designed 20.5-carrot Lorraine Schwartz diamond sparkler onto her finger...
Also, in the Kardash' camp, the obscured with little-opportunity siblings of Kim stated that the family was becoming a "bussiness". Which in our minds we decode as a cathouse of Jezebel's...
Anyhow, Kim and Reggie had their fair share of 'ups and downs'. Yet, Reggie who has slip-off more than just what would be a garter for Kris, was a bit of a sucker for love when he in a seziure of emotion canceled an appearance at the European car race, Gumball rally 3000, so that he could cheerlessly mourn the loss of the Jezebel like a sourpuss...
According to an insider:
"We heard Kim got engaged, so we didn't think that's why [Reggie] didn't turn up. He must be pretty cut up. He sounded like he was, and that was why he didn't make it down. I hope Reggie gets it together for the rally. It'll be just what he needs to get out of the road and party."
Was Reggie upset because Kardashian's mom never brought two mini-horses covered in glitter for them, as she did for Kris and Kim at a party?..
Or was he brokenheartedly crooning to one of Eminem's companionless rap ballads, 'Kim! Kiiiim!Why don't you like me?'
We have yet to get a reply from Reggie, so we hope that E! camera's snaps him whimpering on one knee like a wanker...
For what it's worth Reggie, Kim's worth a bunch of corroded compost with 20.5 spoiled carrots...
Be sarcastically in high spirits like all pervs are about the engagement. Go ahead, wank it off Reggie...
Oi! Drop your pistols - it's Jessica Simpson that's upset
Y'Know we at She & Him take great bliss in being absent-minded about any tabloid junk - although it bizarrely bores us to mental bereavement we do twist the truth with a tad bit of adjectives for you to chortle at a jocosely spectacle - to make the seemingly boring noteworthy...
After years of throwing hooves at one another in the boardroom we've finally come to the decision to do a feature on Jessica Simpson. In retrospect of all the snot blogs written by She & Him we have never stooped this low before - before we take the dastardly leap we've reprogrammed the dullness in our minds by consigning to oblivion so that we may laugh at anything she did -for the sake of writing, that is...
For the sake of writing - we couldn't care less when it comes to Jessica Simpleton - we are practically blind to her misguidedness and brainlessness - to the point where we just don't care about her...
Jessica has attempted to sway all folks that she's in fact someone when she blemished to unpopularity in 99', daunting our mental state with feelings of panic by adding onto the belief that Y2k would become more than just a fact...
Furthermore, she attempted to crop up laughing material and make herself known when she canceled an attendance to a Republican fundraiser, stating that it was too 'inappropriate' for her to attend a political fundraiser. What a horrible person, eh? Still, it sparked the least controversy because her 'skull and bones' physique was too meaty. Hence 'inappropriate'...
She also came apart in seams and pissed off PETA (which we all know is not your ordinary barmy bar brawl at a Liverpool pub with the mates), when she wore a shirt that said "Real girls eat meat". It was supposedly meant for Carrie Underwood who is a vegan, yet Simpleton ended up being critized for being birdbrain by PETA. According to PETA:
"Jessica Simpson's meaty wardrobe malfunction makes us thankful that no one is looking to her for food advice. Chicken-of-the-sea anyone? The woman who thought that Buffalo 'wings' came from buffaloes would benefit from some good veggie brain food." Need we say more, eh?..
In 2008 Jessica performed at the Country Thunder Festival in Wisconsin, but was practically ignored by country music critics. Jessica ignorantly responded:
"I don't know what your perception is of Jessica Simpson or what tabloid you buy, but I just want you to know that I'm just a girl from Texas; I'm just like you. I'm doing what I love and dating a boy."
We weren't impressed with Simpson's high-jinks of bad-mouthing country folks, insinuating that they're freaks because she's normal for dating boys and not men, and they're not literate because they don't read tabloids. This was poorly recepted with yodels of boo's and moo's - still she failed to sway us over...
Until recently when it was reported that Jessica's "upset" - which made us laugh a lil' - because when it comes to Jessica literally everything is reported - so based on a report - she was knocked off the judging panel in preference for either Paula Shrubdul, the non-alcoholic beverage plain boring enthusiast - or the clear as dishwater thick accent which btw is Cheryl Cole...
Simpson was reported saying that:
"They have definitely talked to me about X Factor. I think it would be alot of fun. It's definitely my life. To be a mentor for up-and-coming artists is right up my alley. I would have loved to have a mentor. I love watching people's dreams come true."
Does she seem 'upset' to you? No. Don't patronize us with your cue-cards, ok? We want the truth Jessica, don't we? According to an insider:
"She was devastated when she didn't get hired to be a judge on X Factor. Though she knows she's lucky her clothing line is so successful, she felt like X Factor was her last chance in terms of her showbiz career."
So, we eulogize for you Simpleton. You have come a long way, been ostracized but this is the last straw of your showbiz career. So don't get upset. We were as devastated as you currently are - and yes, utilize your technical abilities into needlework, and bag-on your lucrative prairie clothing line...
Oh, she'll be espoused one of these days - hopefully - if Eric Johnson doesn't snub her with cold-feet...
Anyways. She's used to it, eh?..
After years of throwing hooves at one another in the boardroom we've finally come to the decision to do a feature on Jessica Simpson. In retrospect of all the snot blogs written by She & Him we have never stooped this low before - before we take the dastardly leap we've reprogrammed the dullness in our minds by consigning to oblivion so that we may laugh at anything she did -for the sake of writing, that is...
For the sake of writing - we couldn't care less when it comes to Jessica Simpleton - we are practically blind to her misguidedness and brainlessness - to the point where we just don't care about her...
Jessica has attempted to sway all folks that she's in fact someone when she blemished to unpopularity in 99', daunting our mental state with feelings of panic by adding onto the belief that Y2k would become more than just a fact...
Furthermore, she attempted to crop up laughing material and make herself known when she canceled an attendance to a Republican fundraiser, stating that it was too 'inappropriate' for her to attend a political fundraiser. What a horrible person, eh? Still, it sparked the least controversy because her 'skull and bones' physique was too meaty. Hence 'inappropriate'...
She also came apart in seams and pissed off PETA (which we all know is not your ordinary barmy bar brawl at a Liverpool pub with the mates), when she wore a shirt that said "Real girls eat meat". It was supposedly meant for Carrie Underwood who is a vegan, yet Simpleton ended up being critized for being birdbrain by PETA. According to PETA:
"Jessica Simpson's meaty wardrobe malfunction makes us thankful that no one is looking to her for food advice. Chicken-of-the-sea anyone? The woman who thought that Buffalo 'wings' came from buffaloes would benefit from some good veggie brain food." Need we say more, eh?..
In 2008 Jessica performed at the Country Thunder Festival in Wisconsin, but was practically ignored by country music critics. Jessica ignorantly responded:
"I don't know what your perception is of Jessica Simpson or what tabloid you buy, but I just want you to know that I'm just a girl from Texas; I'm just like you. I'm doing what I love and dating a boy."
We weren't impressed with Simpson's high-jinks of bad-mouthing country folks, insinuating that they're freaks because she's normal for dating boys and not men, and they're not literate because they don't read tabloids. This was poorly recepted with yodels of boo's and moo's - still she failed to sway us over...
Until recently when it was reported that Jessica's "upset" - which made us laugh a lil' - because when it comes to Jessica literally everything is reported - so based on a report - she was knocked off the judging panel in preference for either Paula Shrubdul, the non-alcoholic beverage plain boring enthusiast - or the clear as dishwater thick accent which btw is Cheryl Cole...
Simpson was reported saying that:
"They have definitely talked to me about X Factor. I think it would be alot of fun. It's definitely my life. To be a mentor for up-and-coming artists is right up my alley. I would have loved to have a mentor. I love watching people's dreams come true."
Does she seem 'upset' to you? No. Don't patronize us with your cue-cards, ok? We want the truth Jessica, don't we? According to an insider:
"She was devastated when she didn't get hired to be a judge on X Factor. Though she knows she's lucky her clothing line is so successful, she felt like X Factor was her last chance in terms of her showbiz career."
So, we eulogize for you Simpleton. You have come a long way, been ostracized but this is the last straw of your showbiz career. So don't get upset. We were as devastated as you currently are - and yes, utilize your technical abilities into needlework, and bag-on your lucrative prairie clothing line...
Oh, she'll be espoused one of these days - hopefully - if Eric Johnson doesn't snub her with cold-feet...
Anyways. She's used to it, eh?..
Thursday 26 May 2011
Conservative U.S folks 'appalled by nudity' they have to pay to watch
Those days before we at She & Him became visually lethargic - being apathetic students whom despised shakespearean garbaged dialect, we put down our banjo's and accordions, and antipathically read 'The Great Gatsby'...
No. Who are we kidding. The synopsis was great, ey? Anyways F. Scott Fitzgerald's the author whom cackled conspicuously and politely like a broker about the american dream - the dynamics of bootlegged liquor printed on a catalogue - implanted seeded dimensions which slips one into a deep sleep of great drepression while filling your soul with Jack Daniels and vomit...
We were honestly begining to lose touch of the baroque American flight of fancy, until the U.S established a now flourishing congenial (not congenital, ok?) pornography industry worth $14 Billion to comfort us in times of romantic bankruptcy. Hate the government ,but not the porn, ey?
Switch off the TCM can-can as China Lion will be releasing the internationally renowned porno film 'Sex and Zen:Extreme Ecstacy in 3D'...
China Lion released a statement saying:
"We're looking at as wide as possible a release for this groundbreaking film and are currently working with our theatrical partners AMC for the U.S. Toronto, Cineplex for Vancouver and Consolidated in Hawaii. Announcements are expected in the next two weeks."
Great news as we all dejectedly remember China for the fast-talk resulting in a concurrent ridiculous harmony of both Mandarin and English, where the creepishly old man with a rot-liquo-rice mouth, executes somersaults, and punches you with an animalistic instinctual kung-fu technique...
Is it ok to say that China officially produces anything and everything from kindling communist kung-fu to easily breakable utensils? Hmm...
Alas, life on earth would be hit with conservative apriorisms. Not that we care - it aids us in poking fun at creatures angrily compeled to contest human order with their unreasoned petitioned ethical codes...
So for all these conservative morons appalled by nudity which they have to pay for to watch - before you get your panties into a bow-tie, Stephen Shiu Yeuk-Yuen said the film "is just like being a voyeur near someone's bed."
Think of it as 'Sex and the City'. Just with sexually-appealing much younger-looking woman...
God bless-ed America, ey?!.
No. Who are we kidding. The synopsis was great, ey? Anyways F. Scott Fitzgerald's the author whom cackled conspicuously and politely like a broker about the american dream - the dynamics of bootlegged liquor printed on a catalogue - implanted seeded dimensions which slips one into a deep sleep of great drepression while filling your soul with Jack Daniels and vomit...
We were honestly begining to lose touch of the baroque American flight of fancy, until the U.S established a now flourishing congenial (not congenital, ok?) pornography industry worth $14 Billion to comfort us in times of romantic bankruptcy. Hate the government ,but not the porn, ey?
Switch off the TCM can-can as China Lion will be releasing the internationally renowned porno film 'Sex and Zen:Extreme Ecstacy in 3D'...
China Lion released a statement saying:
"We're looking at as wide as possible a release for this groundbreaking film and are currently working with our theatrical partners AMC for the U.S. Toronto, Cineplex for Vancouver and Consolidated in Hawaii. Announcements are expected in the next two weeks."
Great news as we all dejectedly remember China for the fast-talk resulting in a concurrent ridiculous harmony of both Mandarin and English, where the creepishly old man with a rot-liquo-rice mouth, executes somersaults, and punches you with an animalistic instinctual kung-fu technique...
Is it ok to say that China officially produces anything and everything from kindling communist kung-fu to easily breakable utensils? Hmm...
Alas, life on earth would be hit with conservative apriorisms. Not that we care - it aids us in poking fun at creatures angrily compeled to contest human order with their unreasoned petitioned ethical codes...
So for all these conservative morons appalled by nudity which they have to pay for to watch - before you get your panties into a bow-tie, Stephen Shiu Yeuk-Yuen said the film "is just like being a voyeur near someone's bed."
Think of it as 'Sex and the City'. Just with sexually-appealing much younger-looking woman...
God bless-ed America, ey?!.
Wednesday 25 May 2011
Clash of the Titans: Arnold Schwarzenegger vs John Edwards
We have every reason to assume that John Edwards felt rather inadequate with all the exterminating peer-pressure from Arnie, whom set the bar over the hill as being knocked-up with xanthippe Maria Shriver for 25 years generates a 'sexless marriage'...
Great terminology when wanting to accede to all the illicit hanky-pankys...
Fearing humiliation in the camp, John probably kicked it up a notch as he allegedly made a sextape with Rielle Hunter...
However, just last week when news broke of Arnies' affaire, John reportedly "took his anger and frustrations out on Rielle", after hearing that parts of his testimony would be made public. No seriously, it's ambiguous and hilariously dull...
Anyhow, John will be indicted for "alleged campaign violence" - which is when you spoof folks into believing that you're an upstanding citizen and righteous donkey politician by implicating your staffer (which in John's case was Andrew Young, a complete birdbrain), as an elligible candidate to take accountability for your extracurricular political activities. Yes, its illegal and ridiculously dumb...
On another note, Arnie continued his domination in the realm of tabloids, as Maria Medel a former friend of Mildred Patty Baena opened up a new can of worms. According to Maria:
"When I met Patty she had already been working for Arnold for several years. She had a minishrine to him in her house - his movie posters, pictures, newspaper clippings, action figures."
So Patty was a horney ferreter whom newly discovered a disturbing obsession which consent Arnie to be obligated in self-serving himself to an off-putting buffet. Maria adds:
"Patty said Arnold had been complaining that his marriage was sexless and Maria [Shriver] was never around, flying all over the world for her TV news."
Feverishly pulsated Arnie was marked with the beast, sexless and compulsed with his high maintenance carnal needs. The story continues as Maria back-fence talks, that:
"She said that one night Arnold had been complaining about feeling lonely and unloved, he started drinking. After a few drinks, Arnold ask Patty to have a drink with him. One drink led to another, and then another. Patty said they started kissing and that led to their first sexual encounter. They had unprotected sex."
Eh? So Consequently, after whimpering like Tom in '500 days of summer' that he's lonely and all that post-adolescent baloney, Arnie unfolded his shriveled straw to the burger Patty. Alas t'was only the FIRST SEXUAL ENCOUNTER that was UNPROTECTED y'know...
Now, lets say you as pathetic and sexless - and can't speak English properly - you had some alcohol to make you sound even more tongue-tied than a deaf bloke - sign-language the lassie an invitation for a drink. And the rest...
Blame it on the alcohol, eh?
Cheers!?.
Great terminology when wanting to accede to all the illicit hanky-pankys...
Fearing humiliation in the camp, John probably kicked it up a notch as he allegedly made a sextape with Rielle Hunter...
However, just last week when news broke of Arnies' affaire, John reportedly "took his anger and frustrations out on Rielle", after hearing that parts of his testimony would be made public. No seriously, it's ambiguous and hilariously dull...
Anyhow, John will be indicted for "alleged campaign violence" - which is when you spoof folks into believing that you're an upstanding citizen and righteous donkey politician by implicating your staffer (which in John's case was Andrew Young, a complete birdbrain), as an elligible candidate to take accountability for your extracurricular political activities. Yes, its illegal and ridiculously dumb...
On another note, Arnie continued his domination in the realm of tabloids, as Maria Medel a former friend of Mildred Patty Baena opened up a new can of worms. According to Maria:
"When I met Patty she had already been working for Arnold for several years. She had a minishrine to him in her house - his movie posters, pictures, newspaper clippings, action figures."
So Patty was a horney ferreter whom newly discovered a disturbing obsession which consent Arnie to be obligated in self-serving himself to an off-putting buffet. Maria adds:
"Patty said Arnold had been complaining that his marriage was sexless and Maria [Shriver] was never around, flying all over the world for her TV news."
Feverishly pulsated Arnie was marked with the beast, sexless and compulsed with his high maintenance carnal needs. The story continues as Maria back-fence talks, that:
"She said that one night Arnold had been complaining about feeling lonely and unloved, he started drinking. After a few drinks, Arnold ask Patty to have a drink with him. One drink led to another, and then another. Patty said they started kissing and that led to their first sexual encounter. They had unprotected sex."
Eh? So Consequently, after whimpering like Tom in '500 days of summer' that he's lonely and all that post-adolescent baloney, Arnie unfolded his shriveled straw to the burger Patty. Alas t'was only the FIRST SEXUAL ENCOUNTER that was UNPROTECTED y'know...
Now, lets say you as pathetic and sexless - and can't speak English properly - you had some alcohol to make you sound even more tongue-tied than a deaf bloke - sign-language the lassie an invitation for a drink. And the rest...
Blame it on the alcohol, eh?
Cheers!?.
End-of-the-world: Camping says 'Diarise October 21', eh?
She & Him: The year was 2011AD.
Looking up, looking down and all about. The setting was a common sight you'll see in Dheli. An abundance of thick air flushed upon us - and it was stuffy and smelt of wellington boots. There were no picket-fences, yet In the backdrop beamed a cheeseburger layered creature with dentures, soiled in a sweaty shirt. Still we couldn't have been located in the U.S...
Scattered across the landscape you could see folks queing up as if they just arrived from the Dheli express at a concentration camp, yet it couldn't have been the Taj Mahal...
Up front was the most hidieous, but sexy looking creature. She had wings. Her hair was the cleanest at present, so it couldn't have been Jakarta...
She sniggered like a hyena, had a scrawny malformed stature queer designers call 'sexy' and had no front teeth. Still it couldn't have been Africa...
How did we get there? And why is there a barcode on our wrists? We're not East European, nor are we Stephen King, ok folks?..
We're delighted to cut the suspension of your thonged undies, so count your blessings in debt clay pidgeons. What a load of hogwash ey? The folks at She & Him are in raptures after hearing that our contracts at blogspot will only expire after Halloween, Oct 21 when Americans are gagged in jawbreakers like stuffed oinks. That's when the next raptures going to take place, ok? Now you know...
Step aside narcoleptic bobby. In the latest update on the 'end-of-the-world' saga Camping announced he was off by 5 months. We blissly enjoy indulging in childish aphorisms at She & Him, so '5 months off' sounds like he's past his sell-by-date. Yes? No?..
Nummerically inclined, but alas he probably rejaculated the days on his Helen Mirren calender-girls, with a scientific calculator. So don't blame scientists, nor Tom Cruise. He's a scientologist, doesn't mean he reasons like a scientist...
With all prospects of alphilbiology, evidently Camping reasons like a 12 year old and thinks his 21 to say antipodal gobbledygook. No, your hindered transition a blunderingly task, still we're incapable of ironning out each crease to make you look the part. Enough insults...
According to the dwindled Camping, the world will end in October without any embroilment of Jesus. He wheezes that:
"We've always said May 21 was the day, but we didn't understand altogether the spiritual meaning. May 21 is the day that Christ came and put the world under judgement."
So there you go folks. The world will casually end under speculation on October 21. Hopefully it would put the cork in the pharynx of these gay and deranged Jehovah Witness' chumps...
Just because we mentioned gay and pharynx - we permit you to be as childish as we at She & Him are for twisting a form of obnoxiously written litterature to stimulate a ridiculously funny mind...
Aside from we at She & Him being blissly inclined to enjoy indulging in childish aphorisms, still, Jehovah Witness' aren't sapphic creatures with deep throats, ok?..
Whatever. Take it at face value. Yessssssiiirie!..
Looking up, looking down and all about. The setting was a common sight you'll see in Dheli. An abundance of thick air flushed upon us - and it was stuffy and smelt of wellington boots. There were no picket-fences, yet In the backdrop beamed a cheeseburger layered creature with dentures, soiled in a sweaty shirt. Still we couldn't have been located in the U.S...
Scattered across the landscape you could see folks queing up as if they just arrived from the Dheli express at a concentration camp, yet it couldn't have been the Taj Mahal...
Up front was the most hidieous, but sexy looking creature. She had wings. Her hair was the cleanest at present, so it couldn't have been Jakarta...
She sniggered like a hyena, had a scrawny malformed stature queer designers call 'sexy' and had no front teeth. Still it couldn't have been Africa...
How did we get there? And why is there a barcode on our wrists? We're not East European, nor are we Stephen King, ok folks?..
We're delighted to cut the suspension of your thonged undies, so count your blessings in debt clay pidgeons. What a load of hogwash ey? The folks at She & Him are in raptures after hearing that our contracts at blogspot will only expire after Halloween, Oct 21 when Americans are gagged in jawbreakers like stuffed oinks. That's when the next raptures going to take place, ok? Now you know...
Step aside narcoleptic bobby. In the latest update on the 'end-of-the-world' saga Camping announced he was off by 5 months. We blissly enjoy indulging in childish aphorisms at She & Him, so '5 months off' sounds like he's past his sell-by-date. Yes? No?..
Nummerically inclined, but alas he probably rejaculated the days on his Helen Mirren calender-girls, with a scientific calculator. So don't blame scientists, nor Tom Cruise. He's a scientologist, doesn't mean he reasons like a scientist...
With all prospects of alphilbiology, evidently Camping reasons like a 12 year old and thinks his 21 to say antipodal gobbledygook. No, your hindered transition a blunderingly task, still we're incapable of ironning out each crease to make you look the part. Enough insults...
According to the dwindled Camping, the world will end in October without any embroilment of Jesus. He wheezes that:
"We've always said May 21 was the day, but we didn't understand altogether the spiritual meaning. May 21 is the day that Christ came and put the world under judgement."
So there you go folks. The world will casually end under speculation on October 21. Hopefully it would put the cork in the pharynx of these gay and deranged Jehovah Witness' chumps...
Just because we mentioned gay and pharynx - we permit you to be as childish as we at She & Him are for twisting a form of obnoxiously written litterature to stimulate a ridiculously funny mind...
Aside from we at She & Him being blissly inclined to enjoy indulging in childish aphorisms, still, Jehovah Witness' aren't sapphic creatures with deep throats, ok?..
Whatever. Take it at face value. Yessssssiiirie!..
Arnold Schwarzenegger may still be a good parent. Just ask Ibn Saud of Saudi Arabia
'I got a bunch of dollars I can spend them on her. Cause she can be my lady, she can be my lover. Call me on a late night, get right he aint acting right... HERE I AM!'
On the Marriott ball Arnie most likely uttered a rendition of Avery Storm when he cozily shacked up with Mildred Patty Baena...
Hence by now most folks heard how the tables turned on californication governator Arnold Schwarzenegger, as a weave of betrayl disentangled when Arnie came clean about his extracurricular political activities, concerning launching his steriod capsule lad into Mildred in good ol' political fashion...
Sadly, we were all ears when Maria Shriver publicized that the chemically imbalanced duo will split. And that Maria will go on talk shows and all that junk to sink us in her grief...
Sigh...
Over the past week Maria has been inspiringly upstanding and boring by encouraging her crabby kids (Katherine, Christina, Patrick and Christopher) to forgive daddy-yanker Arnie for his extracurricular political activities...
A source close to the family backed this boring request up by stating that:
"As hurt as she may be, she will encourage them to forgive their father."
This, after one of the bambino's changed their last name from Schwarzenegger to Shriver, on Twitter. So it's legal to change your last name on Twitter. Yeah something like that...
Nonetheless, the source continued to go on and on by affirming that:
"Both Arnold and Maria want to make sure they are being good parents above everything."
So in spite of the 'unfortunate circumstances' folks. You may be a consorter that shoves their centuries-old flopped shrimp into lassies, and still be a good parent. We've seen it before. Nothing new. Just ask Ibn Saud of Saudia Arabia...
Moving on. Now that Maria's public announcement bore us to tears, Mildred's ex Rogelio Baena disappointedly acknowledged on the subject of learning that his son is in fact a brooded bastard of Arnie. To no avail he vigilantly states that:
"Arnold Schwarzenegger for me [was] my hero... Maria is destroyed."
When questioned how he feels about the bastard, he replied:
"I am your father. That's all."
We don't see this act of generosity too often (Round of applause folks)...
And besides. You're taking a load off daddy-yanker Arnies' frankfurter shoulders while a mob of ankle-biters chant 'DADDY! DADDY! DAAAADDDY!'
On the Marriott ball Arnie most likely uttered a rendition of Avery Storm when he cozily shacked up with Mildred Patty Baena...
Hence by now most folks heard how the tables turned on californication governator Arnold Schwarzenegger, as a weave of betrayl disentangled when Arnie came clean about his extracurricular political activities, concerning launching his steriod capsule lad into Mildred in good ol' political fashion...
Sadly, we were all ears when Maria Shriver publicized that the chemically imbalanced duo will split. And that Maria will go on talk shows and all that junk to sink us in her grief...
Sigh...
Over the past week Maria has been inspiringly upstanding and boring by encouraging her crabby kids (Katherine, Christina, Patrick and Christopher) to forgive daddy-yanker Arnie for his extracurricular political activities...
A source close to the family backed this boring request up by stating that:
"As hurt as she may be, she will encourage them to forgive their father."
This, after one of the bambino's changed their last name from Schwarzenegger to Shriver, on Twitter. So it's legal to change your last name on Twitter. Yeah something like that...
Nonetheless, the source continued to go on and on by affirming that:
"Both Arnold and Maria want to make sure they are being good parents above everything."
So in spite of the 'unfortunate circumstances' folks. You may be a consorter that shoves their centuries-old flopped shrimp into lassies, and still be a good parent. We've seen it before. Nothing new. Just ask Ibn Saud of Saudia Arabia...
Moving on. Now that Maria's public announcement bore us to tears, Mildred's ex Rogelio Baena disappointedly acknowledged on the subject of learning that his son is in fact a brooded bastard of Arnie. To no avail he vigilantly states that:
"Arnold Schwarzenegger for me [was] my hero... Maria is destroyed."
When questioned how he feels about the bastard, he replied:
"I am your father. That's all."
We don't see this act of generosity too often (Round of applause folks)...
And besides. You're taking a load off daddy-yanker Arnies' frankfurter shoulders while a mob of ankle-biters chant 'DADDY! DADDY! DAAAADDDY!'
Tuesday 24 May 2011
Two and a Half Men signing up Ashton Kutcher's just a trial-run to see how unresponsive we are
Pardon. Before we go berserk seeing that we usually resemble the likes of an alphabet killer, and continue to discredit Kutcher for 'winning the lottery'. Civilized as can be, we would like to enthrone Sheen in the She & Him potty shrine.
One- for the impressive ratings he received for transcending from our tv screens...
Two, for spooning gossip columns with editorial disasters...
Lastly, on behalf of all folks universally, thank you for being so considerate in letting Kutcher bleed dry all enthusiasm we had left lingering in our vacant vessels and make a complete blunder of the show for one last season...
All right folks? Yes? No? Maybe? What? Uhmmm? Eh?..
It's a win-win situation folks. Fair enough, while we're still fretting about Kutcher replacing Sheen on 'Two and a Half Men', good news is that it will only be for one season, as Kutcher was only signed for a year. In the meantime, producers may take advantage of our tv sets, handing over more time for American folks to head down to the roadhouse to grab a cheeseburger...
According to sources whom we pilfered an arm and a leg into their udders for information, the show was renewed for a season. Depending on how unreceptive folks are to the show and obesity statistics from the American Public Health Association, Kutcher could be cut from our screens...
Meaning that even if he attempts to make us laugh with his silly antics and not the audience as Sheen did, he would be dropped and be replaced by someone else. We're not surprised as this is very common in American soapies from 'Days of our lives' to 'All My Children' which we no longer bother to watch as most folks are enticed by the Mcd ads popping onto our screens...
It's difficult to discern whether or not the show would be as impressively popular as it was when Sheen was still present, as his guise in reality backed him up for whenever we were on the verge of shutting off our tv sets when the show became too boring...
Potentially. Optimists are sucking their thumbs stating that Kutcher will be just fine as he's able to get a few more years out of the sitcom. What? Eh? Ya? So they say, but we disagree and say...
Hand Kutcher a scrub and have him prance down the hospital halways with JD on scrubs while we call him nurse Kutcher.
Save us from the agony before we become terminally ill...
One- for the impressive ratings he received for transcending from our tv screens...
Two, for spooning gossip columns with editorial disasters...
Lastly, on behalf of all folks universally, thank you for being so considerate in letting Kutcher bleed dry all enthusiasm we had left lingering in our vacant vessels and make a complete blunder of the show for one last season...
All right folks? Yes? No? Maybe? What? Uhmmm? Eh?..
It's a win-win situation folks. Fair enough, while we're still fretting about Kutcher replacing Sheen on 'Two and a Half Men', good news is that it will only be for one season, as Kutcher was only signed for a year. In the meantime, producers may take advantage of our tv sets, handing over more time for American folks to head down to the roadhouse to grab a cheeseburger...
According to sources whom we pilfered an arm and a leg into their udders for information, the show was renewed for a season. Depending on how unreceptive folks are to the show and obesity statistics from the American Public Health Association, Kutcher could be cut from our screens...
Meaning that even if he attempts to make us laugh with his silly antics and not the audience as Sheen did, he would be dropped and be replaced by someone else. We're not surprised as this is very common in American soapies from 'Days of our lives' to 'All My Children' which we no longer bother to watch as most folks are enticed by the Mcd ads popping onto our screens...
It's difficult to discern whether or not the show would be as impressively popular as it was when Sheen was still present, as his guise in reality backed him up for whenever we were on the verge of shutting off our tv sets when the show became too boring...
Potentially. Optimists are sucking their thumbs stating that Kutcher will be just fine as he's able to get a few more years out of the sitcom. What? Eh? Ya? So they say, but we disagree and say...
Hand Kutcher a scrub and have him prance down the hospital halways with JD on scrubs while we call him nurse Kutcher.
Save us from the agony before we become terminally ill...
Unceremonious heave-ho: Marianna Goriuk wants nickles-back from Chad Kroeger
There's nothing like a woman's scorn to undermine a bloke's self-worth and inferior talents...
Whether it ranges from the ridiculing effortless orgasms that dames pretend to be having, to generate the illusion of engjoyment, to the off-putting microwave food that tastes like a bowl of butch with chunks of marrow...
Sadly a fatal blow, as you realize at that point in time you are fenced with a bloodthirsty dame that will bring you nothing but misery. So you go on a emotional twister and paint the district red, only to have the dame accuse you of countless rendezvous with Asian porcelain dolls...
So you left with nothing but your inferior talents and a eeeeeeeeeex vowing to drag you with her 6-feet-under...
Alas, nothings more wicked than having your bottom whacked with a summons to remind you that you impregnated the eeeeeeex's cloud decades ago, and that you're the agent in the traumatic spousal misfortunes that occurred, automatcally granting the ex a slice of your bread (which we all know for a woman a slice is haaaaaaaalf)...
Well folks, this is what happend to Nickleback frontman Chad Kroeger, despite the fact that we can't prove the abovementioned sketch, we have reason to believe that being a rocker's even more off the rocker than the mildly put sketch...
What we can confirm is that Chad's ex (Marianna Goriuk) has now garbed herself with a vindictive cloak and taken Chad to court seeking a handsome $95,000 a month in spousal support. After all, he has only been paying her $10,000 a month in spousal support Y'know...
Upon calling Lady Justic, B.C. Supreme Court Associate Chief Justice-Anne MacKenzie, she outlines an intricate explanation of the 'bread and butter' lifestyle (of $9,7million, so we won't empathize when hearing 'bread and butter'):
"I find $10,000 a month to be unreasonable in all circumstances. The parties' lifestyle was extravagant. According to the claimant, they spent unlimited amounts to improve their properties. The ordered expensive foods and wine, took private jets to Mexico and other places, hired helicopters on the last minute to fly in to Vancouver for the evening and travelled in limousines. He has a variety of assets, including corporations, trusts, partnerships, real property and other assets that are difficult to discern."
Here we thought you were just a rocker gone off the rocker Chad. Bad detection indeed.
Yet, we at She & Him agree that Marianna deserves more. Hearing aids are quite costly Y'know Chad. Lady Justice- Anne MacKenzie declared that Chad pay an amount of $25,000 a month while the common (faux pas) marriage goes to trial, where they'll be able to access 'credibility and reliability' (in other words-checking whether the preluded sketch is true, and if she should get more than $95,000 because she's a woman and all women want half, as according to Marianna $25,000 is just an 'average budget')...
'Average budget' is a common hallucination amongst women. So Marianna's probably unable to pay rent and sleeps under an umbrella, eats out of the trash-can with Top Cat, and begs the streets for change from $25,000 to do ordinary things like grocery shopping, eh?..
Heave a sigh for us dear folks. We forsee that Marianna will be the latest trendsetter of socialites that would demand an even handsomer amount of nickles for every court appearance made...
Although we might not know what Marianna will spendthrift the handsome spousal support on, maybe get a man we hope? Doesn't that count as spousal support too, eh?
What an unceremonious heave-ho...
Whether it ranges from the ridiculing effortless orgasms that dames pretend to be having, to generate the illusion of engjoyment, to the off-putting microwave food that tastes like a bowl of butch with chunks of marrow...
Sadly a fatal blow, as you realize at that point in time you are fenced with a bloodthirsty dame that will bring you nothing but misery. So you go on a emotional twister and paint the district red, only to have the dame accuse you of countless rendezvous with Asian porcelain dolls...
So you left with nothing but your inferior talents and a eeeeeeeeeex vowing to drag you with her 6-feet-under...
Alas, nothings more wicked than having your bottom whacked with a summons to remind you that you impregnated the eeeeeeex's cloud decades ago, and that you're the agent in the traumatic spousal misfortunes that occurred, automatcally granting the ex a slice of your bread (which we all know for a woman a slice is haaaaaaaalf)...
Well folks, this is what happend to Nickleback frontman Chad Kroeger, despite the fact that we can't prove the abovementioned sketch, we have reason to believe that being a rocker's even more off the rocker than the mildly put sketch...
What we can confirm is that Chad's ex (Marianna Goriuk) has now garbed herself with a vindictive cloak and taken Chad to court seeking a handsome $95,000 a month in spousal support. After all, he has only been paying her $10,000 a month in spousal support Y'know...
Upon calling Lady Justic, B.C. Supreme Court Associate Chief Justice-Anne MacKenzie, she outlines an intricate explanation of the 'bread and butter' lifestyle (of $9,7million, so we won't empathize when hearing 'bread and butter'):
"I find $10,000 a month to be unreasonable in all circumstances. The parties' lifestyle was extravagant. According to the claimant, they spent unlimited amounts to improve their properties. The ordered expensive foods and wine, took private jets to Mexico and other places, hired helicopters on the last minute to fly in to Vancouver for the evening and travelled in limousines. He has a variety of assets, including corporations, trusts, partnerships, real property and other assets that are difficult to discern."
Here we thought you were just a rocker gone off the rocker Chad. Bad detection indeed.
Yet, we at She & Him agree that Marianna deserves more. Hearing aids are quite costly Y'know Chad. Lady Justice- Anne MacKenzie declared that Chad pay an amount of $25,000 a month while the common (faux pas) marriage goes to trial, where they'll be able to access 'credibility and reliability' (in other words-checking whether the preluded sketch is true, and if she should get more than $95,000 because she's a woman and all women want half, as according to Marianna $25,000 is just an 'average budget')...
'Average budget' is a common hallucination amongst women. So Marianna's probably unable to pay rent and sleeps under an umbrella, eats out of the trash-can with Top Cat, and begs the streets for change from $25,000 to do ordinary things like grocery shopping, eh?..
Heave a sigh for us dear folks. We forsee that Marianna will be the latest trendsetter of socialites that would demand an even handsomer amount of nickles for every court appearance made...
Although we might not know what Marianna will spendthrift the handsome spousal support on, maybe get a man we hope? Doesn't that count as spousal support too, eh?
What an unceremonious heave-ho...
Amusement park: pubieberscent letters|Totty Biebs' stops kissing mommy
Expression of gratitude for your correspondence mar-ons. We at She & Him take great pleasure in having you mar-ons snub against our cold-shoulders. Not really though. As you brought us grief with your melancholic jargon.
Boohoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
We are exhausted with mar-ons extoliating us for our unsavory reputation and pissing on our parade . We shall not contest notoriety, yet all your bewailing has forced us to smash the tulip vase into our beautiful faces to bring about some dash of empathy...
So, we'll continue to infuriate 3,95 million pubieberscents with literary vitamins, whom pottied themselves into a tantrum when Biebs' engaged in a kindergarten game of ring-a-round-rosie with Selena Gomez at the Billboard Music awards...
Tiresomely, while we at She & Him blotted out to watch Celebrity Apprentice, Justin Bieber has transformed into even more of a brat, and taken the first step into becoming a She & Him when he smooched Selena Gomez' midget portal on stage, crooning 'baby! baby! oooh!' when his butterfly spurted a drop of prostatic fluid in his pampers.
According to sources fictitiously acquinted to celebs (plebs that scoop up doo-doos in the celeb confession cubicle, Twitter), 7,9 million viewers tuned in to the Billboard Music awards, half of which were pubieberscents whom snapped the smooch...
How did they know half were pubieberscents? And the rest were? Yes, pervs. Still, how did they predict that millions of pubieberscents would bend their nap-time curfew?..
Kids grow so fast these days it's difficult to keep track of their activities (Michael RIP). Kids would go to school because they annoy us at home, and because we are forever haunted by their crayola murals on the livingroom walls that psychologists claim to be 'powerful messages being transmitted to us'. Because they are no longer average brats, according to a poopy-scooper they work hard, eh?..
"After working their asses off, they've carved out some serious time to hang out. They're taking a well-deserved break together."
Doing homework together?.. Slumber parties?.. Painting toenails?..What?..WHAAAAAAAAAT?..
Ag, screw child psychology as we theorize that Gomez probably pulled the stint to guarantee her ghastly puny bottom celebrity status... On twitter...
Sigh...
Mi casa es su casa (you are welcome to potty on this lawn)
Adíos conocido/as
Don't bother trying to sniff our vasectomy panties on Facebook or Twitter as the writer chooses to remain anonymous, for reasons of having Jesus' abs and Brad Shits face.
Boohoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
We are exhausted with mar-ons extoliating us for our unsavory reputation and pissing on our parade . We shall not contest notoriety, yet all your bewailing has forced us to smash the tulip vase into our beautiful faces to bring about some dash of empathy...
So, we'll continue to infuriate 3,95 million pubieberscents with literary vitamins, whom pottied themselves into a tantrum when Biebs' engaged in a kindergarten game of ring-a-round-rosie with Selena Gomez at the Billboard Music awards...
Tiresomely, while we at She & Him blotted out to watch Celebrity Apprentice, Justin Bieber has transformed into even more of a brat, and taken the first step into becoming a She & Him when he smooched Selena Gomez' midget portal on stage, crooning 'baby! baby! oooh!' when his butterfly spurted a drop of prostatic fluid in his pampers.
According to sources fictitiously acquinted to celebs (plebs that scoop up doo-doos in the celeb confession cubicle, Twitter), 7,9 million viewers tuned in to the Billboard Music awards, half of which were pubieberscents whom snapped the smooch...
How did they know half were pubieberscents? And the rest were? Yes, pervs. Still, how did they predict that millions of pubieberscents would bend their nap-time curfew?..
Kids grow so fast these days it's difficult to keep track of their activities (Michael RIP). Kids would go to school because they annoy us at home, and because we are forever haunted by their crayola murals on the livingroom walls that psychologists claim to be 'powerful messages being transmitted to us'. Because they are no longer average brats, according to a poopy-scooper they work hard, eh?..
"After working their asses off, they've carved out some serious time to hang out. They're taking a well-deserved break together."
Doing homework together?.. Slumber parties?.. Painting toenails?..What?..WHAAAAAAAAAT?..
Ag, screw child psychology as we theorize that Gomez probably pulled the stint to guarantee her ghastly puny bottom celebrity status... On twitter...
Sigh...
Mi casa es su casa (you are welcome to potty on this lawn)
Adíos conocido/as
Don't bother trying to sniff our vasectomy panties on Facebook or Twitter as the writer chooses to remain anonymous, for reasons of having Jesus' abs and Brad Shits face.
Monday 23 May 2011
We forgot to laugh (Russell Brand deported from Japan)
Russell Brand, for all intents and purposes is not a shaggy-bobbled carbon copy of Janice Dickinson, ok? Japs have eyes despite the fact that their shutters may appear bunged, they are able to tell the difference even with the slightest visual impairment, ok?..
Chopsticks aside folks. Alas, Katy Perry was off the beam when she decided to bring Russell and his pocket-sized notepad chuckles with her to see the sights of Japan. Shame...
It was an aftershock that Japan muddled through, as Brand was deported before he shuffled the Osaka sun from East-West with his ephemeral buffoonery, and booooooringly bothered flora and fauna Jap biodiversity enthusiasts...
Katy bawled out on Twitter, blubbering that:
"So...my husband just got deported back from Japan. I am so. sad. I brought him all this way to show him my favorite place#tokyodreamscrushed".
Imagine how the Japs must've felt knowing that Brand was about to chisel in with his chopticks, cruising through Tokyo streets like a Thai transvestite in a karaoke cab. Katy apparently didn't think much of the deportation as she's evidently avant-garde:
"...but of COURSE I (love) my Japanese fans & the show #MUSTGOON no matter the daily aftershocks or husband kidnappings ! it'snotrightbutit'sokay".
So the show MUSTGOOOOON folks. We said it. Katy said it. We at She & Him wouldn't want to meddle in the ultramodern Jap labs affairs now that Arnie's on the merry-go-round, and have card-extremists papercut us by summoning futuristic androids on cardboard...
Well Russell continued to peel the musk layer off our skins with his thick-skinned text alert:
"Planning escape from Japanese custody. It's bloody hard to dig a tunnel with a chopstick"
Do Japs use chopsticks to remove heroine from low-end alimentary canals? If so, can we get a Yakuza bloke in here for Russell please?..
Mi casa es su casa (you are welcome to potty on this lawn: she0and0him@gmail.com)
Adíos conocido/as
Don't bother trying to sniff our vasectomy panties on Facebook or Twitter as the writer chooses to remain anonymous, for reasons of having Jesus' abs and Brad Shits face.
Chopsticks aside folks. Alas, Katy Perry was off the beam when she decided to bring Russell and his pocket-sized notepad chuckles with her to see the sights of Japan. Shame...
It was an aftershock that Japan muddled through, as Brand was deported before he shuffled the Osaka sun from East-West with his ephemeral buffoonery, and booooooringly bothered flora and fauna Jap biodiversity enthusiasts...
Katy bawled out on Twitter, blubbering that:
"So...my husband just got deported back from Japan. I am so. sad. I brought him all this way to show him my favorite place#tokyodreamscrushed".
Imagine how the Japs must've felt knowing that Brand was about to chisel in with his chopticks, cruising through Tokyo streets like a Thai transvestite in a karaoke cab. Katy apparently didn't think much of the deportation as she's evidently avant-garde:
"...but of COURSE I (love) my Japanese fans & the show #MUSTGOON no matter the daily aftershocks or husband kidnappings ! it'snotrightbutit'sokay".
So the show MUSTGOOOOON folks. We said it. Katy said it. We at She & Him wouldn't want to meddle in the ultramodern Jap labs affairs now that Arnie's on the merry-go-round, and have card-extremists papercut us by summoning futuristic androids on cardboard...
Well Russell continued to peel the musk layer off our skins with his thick-skinned text alert:
"Planning escape from Japanese custody. It's bloody hard to dig a tunnel with a chopstick"
Do Japs use chopsticks to remove heroine from low-end alimentary canals? If so, can we get a Yakuza bloke in here for Russell please?..
Mi casa es su casa (you are welcome to potty on this lawn: she0and0him@gmail.com)
Adíos conocido/as
Don't bother trying to sniff our vasectomy panties on Facebook or Twitter as the writer chooses to remain anonymous, for reasons of having Jesus' abs and Brad Shits face.
Is he Lars for words or just a Trier?
For the most part of our lives, most folks in all probability wouldn't momentarily glance at the tedious history text-book, nor be bothered with any historical chap in their prairie attire for that matter...
They bore the heck out of us as we loathe the endless battles that could've been resolved by trading off fevered livestock. Killing the enemy concurrently, might we add...
A pure example of how history has belittled human reason (when it makes you sympathize with a boorhole), such as the Voortrekker monument where you have a boor kneeling with a pistol, while two Zulu's are stanced ready to jab a spear at the boor. Daft we know, but as the horse dashes off in the backdrop at that point the boor realizes what his horse realized. That's why horses aren't mans best friends, and why Australian blokes go onto wipeout and call themselves ponyboys and not cowboys...
Anyhow, I think we all agree that asinine decisions were made throughout history, and by virtue it has influenced the future, and it impacts the present so that we can change the world for the better...
Yet these ideologies leak into our crusty membranes, and permeates our minds with poppycocks to f*ck up the world again and again. A cyclical process of idiocy, the latter part of history might we concur...
Ahah, before you slay the foreskin out of our trousers, we at She & Him have the evidence to back us up...
While relentlessly grazing with folkies at the toads sponging down in Cannes, we couldn't help but throw a flip-flop at the box when Lars talked nineteen to the dozen, 'I'm a jew and a nazi!'...
Funny? Jew and Nazi? Was Lars sniffing the pesticide fumes coming out of Kirsten Dunst funnel or trying to score with a brute disposition?..
Though our culture-shock-absorbers are absent we didn't find the kind of 'yarned shaggy dog poop jokes only a Dane would find hilarious' fun...
While Lars never managed to piss-off the holy land as much as Biebs did, he did however manage to toggle folkies (the plebs whom think they are somehow acquinted to the half-witted celebs), normal sensitive folkies, pervs and the Cannes directors...
According to the horror-struck Cannes directors, they state that:
"[The Cannes board of directors] profoundly regrets that this forum has been used Lars Von Trier to express comments that are unacceptable, intolerable, and contrary to the ideals of humanity and genorosity that preside over the very existence of the festival".
Evidently Lars has a spoiled coating, one which makes Kirsten Dunst feel 'uncomfortable'. Realising that god has failed him in stature (personification of a living crime-scene), Lars crafted a persona of a filthy rich Jew and a nutcase nazi. This didn't follow-on well as Lars was banished from the festival to creep at a snail's pace until its decided whether or not his movie reeks as much as he does...
The board being the moral vine of all the lunacy in these bore toads, claims that:
"The board of directors firmly condems these comments and declares Lars Von Trier persona non grata at the Festival de Cannes, with effect immediately".
By chance Lars escaped with a black-and-blue ego following him pathetically being spat on with a one-liner by Kirsten Dunst 'you make me feel uncomfortable', and directors of the Cannes festival launching a narrative punch at the persona non grata's pigeon hole...
So who's fountain of urine-soaked knowledge was Lars drinking from (as if it were his own)? Was it from the National Party's act of urination?
So there you have it folkies. Cut the unidirectional potty. History is the past and should remain in the past? Debatable when considering Lars, yes. History's pretty much relevant not as a pick-up-line Lars...
Hence, after being trampled on by the bored of directors, Lars couldn't be contacted for any comments. Not that we care...
Mar-on...
They bore the heck out of us as we loathe the endless battles that could've been resolved by trading off fevered livestock. Killing the enemy concurrently, might we add...
A pure example of how history has belittled human reason (when it makes you sympathize with a boorhole), such as the Voortrekker monument where you have a boor kneeling with a pistol, while two Zulu's are stanced ready to jab a spear at the boor. Daft we know, but as the horse dashes off in the backdrop at that point the boor realizes what his horse realized. That's why horses aren't mans best friends, and why Australian blokes go onto wipeout and call themselves ponyboys and not cowboys...
Anyhow, I think we all agree that asinine decisions were made throughout history, and by virtue it has influenced the future, and it impacts the present so that we can change the world for the better...
Yet these ideologies leak into our crusty membranes, and permeates our minds with poppycocks to f*ck up the world again and again. A cyclical process of idiocy, the latter part of history might we concur...
Ahah, before you slay the foreskin out of our trousers, we at She & Him have the evidence to back us up...
While relentlessly grazing with folkies at the toads sponging down in Cannes, we couldn't help but throw a flip-flop at the box when Lars talked nineteen to the dozen, 'I'm a jew and a nazi!'...
Funny? Jew and Nazi? Was Lars sniffing the pesticide fumes coming out of Kirsten Dunst funnel or trying to score with a brute disposition?..
Though our culture-shock-absorbers are absent we didn't find the kind of 'yarned shaggy dog poop jokes only a Dane would find hilarious' fun...
While Lars never managed to piss-off the holy land as much as Biebs did, he did however manage to toggle folkies (the plebs whom think they are somehow acquinted to the half-witted celebs), normal sensitive folkies, pervs and the Cannes directors...
According to the horror-struck Cannes directors, they state that:
"[The Cannes board of directors] profoundly regrets that this forum has been used Lars Von Trier to express comments that are unacceptable, intolerable, and contrary to the ideals of humanity and genorosity that preside over the very existence of the festival".
Evidently Lars has a spoiled coating, one which makes Kirsten Dunst feel 'uncomfortable'. Realising that god has failed him in stature (personification of a living crime-scene), Lars crafted a persona of a filthy rich Jew and a nutcase nazi. This didn't follow-on well as Lars was banished from the festival to creep at a snail's pace until its decided whether or not his movie reeks as much as he does...
The board being the moral vine of all the lunacy in these bore toads, claims that:
"The board of directors firmly condems these comments and declares Lars Von Trier persona non grata at the Festival de Cannes, with effect immediately".
By chance Lars escaped with a black-and-blue ego following him pathetically being spat on with a one-liner by Kirsten Dunst 'you make me feel uncomfortable', and directors of the Cannes festival launching a narrative punch at the persona non grata's pigeon hole...
So who's fountain of urine-soaked knowledge was Lars drinking from (as if it were his own)? Was it from the National Party's act of urination?
So there you have it folkies. Cut the unidirectional potty. History is the past and should remain in the past? Debatable when considering Lars, yes. History's pretty much relevant not as a pick-up-line Lars...
Hence, after being trampled on by the bored of directors, Lars couldn't be contacted for any comments. Not that we care...
Mar-on...
Thursday 19 May 2011
YOOOOOOOOU! Soulja boy's not a con artist, ok? Soulja boy tell em', eh?
Soulja boy's noob to the realm of She & Him since we only feature batty clams and daffy creatures...
No, you don't have to be dim-witted or dippy to acquaint yourself to the She & Him chalkboard. There are pre-requisites though, as you have to do something extraordinarily dumb and be ridiculously stupid. So we at She & Him welcome you Soulja boy based upon the allegations, ok...
Anyways, to get back to the nitty-gritty. Remember that December gig where Soulja boy was supposedly advertised to perform at? Well it was unjust enrichment, as he never showed up, and concert tickets were as worthless as lottery tickets, eh?..
Sometimes people need time to think right? Especially Soulja boy with his polyphonic-tone tunes and catchphrase diction. So maybe he needed time to rethink his career, right? Regrettably, it's not an act of kindness to leave fans in isolation at an empty concert, right?..
Though we wouldn't sue him for that, considering how effecient the legal system is at back-ups, and fence-jumpin. One man, but YOOOOOOOU, has decided to whip-lash Soulja boy to the courts, as Soulja boy burnt his bridges, and hauled on with more than what was expected from the poorly sold ticket sales, with his nappy trousers to only who knows where...
According to TrinCity chief, Joseph Sheldon Brewster, Soulja boy was paid $16,250 in advance to secure the gig date, $8,000 for radio and tv advertisements. He further spoils the icing on the cake by accusing Soulja boy, Myspace Music and Interscope records for stopping the concert, and refusing to payback advertising costs of $10,000...
Technically, it's breach of contract. And we wouldn't be in the right state of mind if we were to claim that the bloke was unreasonable in sueing Soulja boy. Nobody sues you unreasonably without cause. If they do carry through with it, it just means you're a shitty person. And if blokes you are sueing doesn't give two hoots, then they practically don't give a shit about you too...
Besides, it seems as if the bloke's mathematically impaired as he made incoherant calculations with regard to the amount he's supposed to be reimbursed with...
So, $16,250 + $8,000=$24,250, right? Sadly the bloke's sueing for $1 million...
Whaaaat?.. Whaaaaaaaaat?.. Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?...
$1 millioooooooooooooon?..
What a spiteful dope, probably sueing for emotional distress as Soulja wouldn't even kiss him through the phone...
We'll take it at face value as we don't know whether Soulja boy shipped off with more loot than what he was supposed. Frankly, Soulja boy's as uncommitted as all folks are with daily tasks, yet he's a fence-sitter when it comes to music. So, Soulja boy's not a con artist, ok. For now that is, eh?..
No, you don't have to be dim-witted or dippy to acquaint yourself to the She & Him chalkboard. There are pre-requisites though, as you have to do something extraordinarily dumb and be ridiculously stupid. So we at She & Him welcome you Soulja boy based upon the allegations, ok...
Anyways, to get back to the nitty-gritty. Remember that December gig where Soulja boy was supposedly advertised to perform at? Well it was unjust enrichment, as he never showed up, and concert tickets were as worthless as lottery tickets, eh?..
Sometimes people need time to think right? Especially Soulja boy with his polyphonic-tone tunes and catchphrase diction. So maybe he needed time to rethink his career, right? Regrettably, it's not an act of kindness to leave fans in isolation at an empty concert, right?..
Though we wouldn't sue him for that, considering how effecient the legal system is at back-ups, and fence-jumpin. One man, but YOOOOOOOU, has decided to whip-lash Soulja boy to the courts, as Soulja boy burnt his bridges, and hauled on with more than what was expected from the poorly sold ticket sales, with his nappy trousers to only who knows where...
According to TrinCity chief, Joseph Sheldon Brewster, Soulja boy was paid $16,250 in advance to secure the gig date, $8,000 for radio and tv advertisements. He further spoils the icing on the cake by accusing Soulja boy, Myspace Music and Interscope records for stopping the concert, and refusing to payback advertising costs of $10,000...
Technically, it's breach of contract. And we wouldn't be in the right state of mind if we were to claim that the bloke was unreasonable in sueing Soulja boy. Nobody sues you unreasonably without cause. If they do carry through with it, it just means you're a shitty person. And if blokes you are sueing doesn't give two hoots, then they practically don't give a shit about you too...
Besides, it seems as if the bloke's mathematically impaired as he made incoherant calculations with regard to the amount he's supposed to be reimbursed with...
So, $16,250 + $8,000=$24,250, right? Sadly the bloke's sueing for $1 million...
Whaaaat?.. Whaaaaaaaaat?.. Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?...
$1 millioooooooooooooon?..
What a spiteful dope, probably sueing for emotional distress as Soulja wouldn't even kiss him through the phone...
We'll take it at face value as we don't know whether Soulja boy shipped off with more loot than what he was supposed. Frankly, Soulja boy's as uncommitted as all folks are with daily tasks, yet he's a fence-sitter when it comes to music. So, Soulja boy's not a con artist, ok. For now that is, eh?..
Eminem reconsiders disinteresting cinema-going folks
The seasons has changed Eminem new now that he's realized he wasn't made for rap, as all white folks have emptied stadium-sized concerts, and now opted to tune their waxy eardrums to Katherine Jenkins whom frankly is not shoddy...
Candidly, he's not tacky enough to keep track of gnarly white-trash Ke$ha, and the general public are conked-out of listening to a white dolt bark about his identity crisis, and how he should've been black and not an albino...
Also, society's beat with the scurrilous language he calls rap, and it irritates us as he off-puttingly grouches that his Milf mother is a 'whore', and the tots names he's always fanaticizing in his songs about, like a pedophile...
Up till now we thought that the kingdom had come, when Eminem splotched 8mile onto our free-to-air channels, to see him for all the stupid shit that his done. Far from glorified, and backed with a movie where he squats to rap, Em' bent our ears with additional cellphone ringtones which we bluetoothed to each other, and mimicked the lyrics to whenever we had to defend ourselves against thugs...
Straightfowardly, we've never taken Em' too seriously, until recently when he announced that he's tired of being McHammer broke, and that he's open to the transition of going from rapper to actor...
Like a bad dream we were too tired to zip-lock Em' as he idiomatically states that:
"I think Ice Cube said this one time; I think I heard him say this one time. If you can rap, if you can perform to the camera for singing and videos, it should be pretty, fairly natural transition. I felt like having heard him say that was like, 'Oh, this may be fairly easy -and it wasn't."
Ice Cube was quite convincingly authentic in movies due to his cataloged criminal superiority... His ability to make us feel racially inferior... And he was the idyllic profile for the character as a criminal... Fact is, he was as unsuccesful as a cubic zirconia at wining lady's heart...
Furthermore, Em' adds that:
"It's a whole different thing, because you may be used to performing to the camera, but it's a whole different ball game when the music is off and you have lines that you need to say. It takes a minute to get used to."
Acting's quite diff' Em'. You see you need to learn lines which contains indisputable content, proper English, requiring talking and not lip-synching like a tarred white rabbit...
With a soupcon of colloquialism, Em's more than a troubled perform. He's just shitty, crappy and tawdry at acting. Which explains why he made a cameo appearance in Judd Apatow's 'Funny people'...
But who are we to pass judgement onto Em' as he made an adequate impression on the monotonous 8mile, to bring us the hush-hush of American projects...
Still, we hope that Em' won't give acting another shot as numerous clods and addlebrain puppets have failed to achieve any fame, from Vanessa hudgens and Selena Gomez to Biebs. They're all crappy. Vice versa. Lip-synching, no singing. You'll be the clay pidgeon to our ballpoints...
Candidly, he's not tacky enough to keep track of gnarly white-trash Ke$ha, and the general public are conked-out of listening to a white dolt bark about his identity crisis, and how he should've been black and not an albino...
Also, society's beat with the scurrilous language he calls rap, and it irritates us as he off-puttingly grouches that his Milf mother is a 'whore', and the tots names he's always fanaticizing in his songs about, like a pedophile...
Up till now we thought that the kingdom had come, when Eminem splotched 8mile onto our free-to-air channels, to see him for all the stupid shit that his done. Far from glorified, and backed with a movie where he squats to rap, Em' bent our ears with additional cellphone ringtones which we bluetoothed to each other, and mimicked the lyrics to whenever we had to defend ourselves against thugs...
Straightfowardly, we've never taken Em' too seriously, until recently when he announced that he's tired of being McHammer broke, and that he's open to the transition of going from rapper to actor...
Like a bad dream we were too tired to zip-lock Em' as he idiomatically states that:
"I think Ice Cube said this one time; I think I heard him say this one time. If you can rap, if you can perform to the camera for singing and videos, it should be pretty, fairly natural transition. I felt like having heard him say that was like, 'Oh, this may be fairly easy -and it wasn't."
Ice Cube was quite convincingly authentic in movies due to his cataloged criminal superiority... His ability to make us feel racially inferior... And he was the idyllic profile for the character as a criminal... Fact is, he was as unsuccesful as a cubic zirconia at wining lady's heart...
Furthermore, Em' adds that:
"It's a whole different thing, because you may be used to performing to the camera, but it's a whole different ball game when the music is off and you have lines that you need to say. It takes a minute to get used to."
Acting's quite diff' Em'. You see you need to learn lines which contains indisputable content, proper English, requiring talking and not lip-synching like a tarred white rabbit...
With a soupcon of colloquialism, Em's more than a troubled perform. He's just shitty, crappy and tawdry at acting. Which explains why he made a cameo appearance in Judd Apatow's 'Funny people'...
But who are we to pass judgement onto Em' as he made an adequate impression on the monotonous 8mile, to bring us the hush-hush of American projects...
Still, we hope that Em' won't give acting another shot as numerous clods and addlebrain puppets have failed to achieve any fame, from Vanessa hudgens and Selena Gomez to Biebs. They're all crappy. Vice versa. Lip-synching, no singing. You'll be the clay pidgeon to our ballpoints...
Father + daughter reveal good ol' country incest on Steve Wilko's show- you're honorably welcome to puke
The folks at She & Him were encircled in vomit when we found out that an 18 year old skank's having sex with her oedipal dad...
Originally we thought that it was almost certainly a video tape follow-up of Ke$ha, since she's profoundly known for the nauseating photos of her trashy larks that have been hovering the internet...
Alas, it was not Ke$ha...
However, it was a father-Morgan, and biological daughter-Britney, whom reconnected on Myspace when she was 16. Thus they started their oedipal romance...
Seeing as it's pretty customary for country folks to be sexually impure, the oedipal romantics approached Steve Wilkos with their good ol' country incest tape after Jerry rejected the disturbing tape...
According to Morgan, he believes that his daughter's his soulmate. Britney corroborated on her oedipal partner's statement by adding that she knew that her dad, Morgan, had sexual feelings for her when he messaged her...
The show kicked off with Britney reacting to the oedipus complex stimulus as the smooched with her father, Morgan, in good ol' country fashion on the stage, while the roaring crowd had to be silenced with beeps as they watched on with horror...
Steve intercepted the kiss and tossed the low-budget rental furniture aside by telling Morgan that he:
"Should probably go and see a doctor and get some therapy, preying on your daughter like that".
At this point in time we at She & Him had malformed as we scoffed down a hodgepodge smoothie of puke and two dozen aspirins. Still we weren't prepared for what happend next...
As Morgan impiously responded to Steve, stating that:
"I'm not preying on her, yes I am sleeping with her but it's not like I'm abusing her or something".
You are honorably welcome to puke folks...
Steve edgily ready to pop as his facial skin began to shrivel up like a penis, tried to talk some sense into the oedipal romantics as they argue about having a baby that will be as retarded as they are...
The cohesiveness broke as clodpate Britney's adamant that they will have a retarded baby, whereas Morgan refuses to play in chorus, the role of daddy and grandpa...
At this point in the show, many folks snapped limbs and popped joints as they attempted to hold their backs up while puking. Our fluids at She & Him were all practically drained from our bodies contemplating staggering to the cemetary...
Until Britney shouted out:
"I want seven kids!".
Britney cashed up with resilience by removing herself off birth control, and induldged in the good ol' country incest romance, thus a retarded kid is now budding in her atrocious kangeroo pouch...
We can't confirm whether she'll have seven kids, and join forces with teen wreck Amber. But we can confirm that a lie-detector proved that Morgan was cheating on his daughter while she was at school...
It was like a scene out of 'an eduction', just with two ridiculously impaired and abominably ugly retards whom are related, appalling close...
Steve offered the oedipal romantics some good ol' psychiatric help, yet Britney walked off to her papa to hold his hand, and vow to stand by him...
How cute, eh? Father and daughter going for walks in the trailer-trash park spreading their love where mommy conceived a clodpate...
We at She & Him feel like throwing towel and never inscribing another snot blog. We no longer want to live the American dream. Please cancel our green cards and direct us to the nearest chamber pot, please...
But we'll continue to scribe for the sake of administring medicine to the thwart the idiosyncrasy of clodpates in our paradox society...
Originally we thought that it was almost certainly a video tape follow-up of Ke$ha, since she's profoundly known for the nauseating photos of her trashy larks that have been hovering the internet...
Alas, it was not Ke$ha...
However, it was a father-Morgan, and biological daughter-Britney, whom reconnected on Myspace when she was 16. Thus they started their oedipal romance...
Seeing as it's pretty customary for country folks to be sexually impure, the oedipal romantics approached Steve Wilkos with their good ol' country incest tape after Jerry rejected the disturbing tape...
According to Morgan, he believes that his daughter's his soulmate. Britney corroborated on her oedipal partner's statement by adding that she knew that her dad, Morgan, had sexual feelings for her when he messaged her...
The show kicked off with Britney reacting to the oedipus complex stimulus as the smooched with her father, Morgan, in good ol' country fashion on the stage, while the roaring crowd had to be silenced with beeps as they watched on with horror...
Steve intercepted the kiss and tossed the low-budget rental furniture aside by telling Morgan that he:
"Should probably go and see a doctor and get some therapy, preying on your daughter like that".
At this point in time we at She & Him had malformed as we scoffed down a hodgepodge smoothie of puke and two dozen aspirins. Still we weren't prepared for what happend next...
As Morgan impiously responded to Steve, stating that:
"I'm not preying on her, yes I am sleeping with her but it's not like I'm abusing her or something".
You are honorably welcome to puke folks...
Steve edgily ready to pop as his facial skin began to shrivel up like a penis, tried to talk some sense into the oedipal romantics as they argue about having a baby that will be as retarded as they are...
The cohesiveness broke as clodpate Britney's adamant that they will have a retarded baby, whereas Morgan refuses to play in chorus, the role of daddy and grandpa...
At this point in the show, many folks snapped limbs and popped joints as they attempted to hold their backs up while puking. Our fluids at She & Him were all practically drained from our bodies contemplating staggering to the cemetary...
Until Britney shouted out:
"I want seven kids!".
Britney cashed up with resilience by removing herself off birth control, and induldged in the good ol' country incest romance, thus a retarded kid is now budding in her atrocious kangeroo pouch...
We can't confirm whether she'll have seven kids, and join forces with teen wreck Amber. But we can confirm that a lie-detector proved that Morgan was cheating on his daughter while she was at school...
It was like a scene out of 'an eduction', just with two ridiculously impaired and abominably ugly retards whom are related, appalling close...
Steve offered the oedipal romantics some good ol' psychiatric help, yet Britney walked off to her papa to hold his hand, and vow to stand by him...
How cute, eh? Father and daughter going for walks in the trailer-trash park spreading their love where mommy conceived a clodpate...
We at She & Him feel like throwing towel and never inscribing another snot blog. We no longer want to live the American dream. Please cancel our green cards and direct us to the nearest chamber pot, please...
But we'll continue to scribe for the sake of administring medicine to the thwart the idiosyncrasy of clodpates in our paradox society...
Brad Pitt's not a theologian and doesn't act on TBN-Don't get him started on religion
If you are Brad Pitt, then you are capable of having crowds boo and cheer at you simultaneously without even having to bomb a church. Just be all blasphemous in an interview as these days no one cares about Christianity, not even Rev Run...
Truth. Brad has the X factor in movies that makes folks tick, such as the new movie 'Tree of Life', that he's promoting in which he plays a father. This act of glory saw him booed at the Cannes festival as the sight of Brad with surplus kids makes him look like a shepard with little bo-beep and a flock of sheep...
Yet, we know that fathers' are never part of the tree of life. They are roots which tangle with other roots down the street at you neighbours pad, and five blocks away, ending at the main road...
After the smoke settled, we cheered Brad on with all esteem when he opened up about his 'issues' with Christianity...
We all do, but don't get Brad started on religion...
According to Brad, he states that:
"I got brought up being told things were God's way and when things didn't work out it was called Gods plan".
So whatever bad that may happen folks, according to Brad it's Gods plan. So forcing us to go to church on a Sunday to listen to outdated widow farts whirr the most dreadful hymns, and have you toss your bus pennys as a downpayment for the 3series Bmw the priest's driving, is perfectly normal because it's Gods plan, financially...
Furthermore, we get what Brad's saying, as we'd prefer to play video games than sitting in a crying room to escape the fate of manipulation and the major glitched band, to watch stomped mothers breastfeed...
Also, often as a kid you would always wonder why God never spoke back to you, and you'd always plead on your knees for some new toy, while he carefully plotted your failure, as he blessed others but never you. Bummer!..
Meanwhile, Brad also says that:
"I think of everything I do now that my kids are going to see when they grow up and how are they going to feel. But they know me as a dad and I hope they'll just think of me as a pretty damn good actor".
Brad opted to bounce the limelight off Jesus to have his kids believe in a non-fictional character, by glittering them with joy as he lets them play video games on Sunday morning so that they won't hate him as we hate our fathers. Effective tactics indeed. First J.K Rowling made Jesus look subordinate, and now Brad Pitt too, as he wants his kids to think of him as a good actor and not a con artist...
During the conclusion of Brad's applauded interview, numerous anonymous morons have pulled the plug on Brad with bitter prejudice stating that:
"What a strange example to set for his kids. He'll need to repent soon or he'll be in purgatory for a long time"...
Purgatory for a long time? So we'll go into purgatory and have to repent eventhough it was God's plan? Might we add that it's amazing how Catholics feel obliged to tell us something positive in a callous way. But, we don't mind purgatory as long as it's not jail...
Furthermore, a gloated croaker goes off the rails, adding that:
"It's Gods way, to allow you to make your own choices. God leads. It's up to us to follow". The fact that you and Jolie live in sin, and waste so much on selfish, self centered expenditures, doesn't make it right. You're good actors, but somewhat overpaid. It also might surprise you to know, some of us can't stand to watch your (mainly Jolies), movies anymore. I couldn't tell you the last time I watched one of her movies".
Blah...Blah...Blah...What a twit...Probably a TBN fanatic...
Anyways, It's kinda' like the blind leading the blind. We don't see God and neither does he. We can't follow him because he has too many people to attend to and he's not your average nanny...
Brad and Jolie sin like all global trotters do. We make the choice to sin, yes, but who cares aint that life? So get a life...
We love money and money loves us. We drown in debt and veneer at credit. Call it what you want, self-centred or selfish, cause we not focusing on God, or dropping a penny for your lackluster sermon?.. As usual it's 'I know God more than you do' and all the other racist remarks. When will these morons ever stop...
Truth. Brad has the X factor in movies that makes folks tick, such as the new movie 'Tree of Life', that he's promoting in which he plays a father. This act of glory saw him booed at the Cannes festival as the sight of Brad with surplus kids makes him look like a shepard with little bo-beep and a flock of sheep...
Yet, we know that fathers' are never part of the tree of life. They are roots which tangle with other roots down the street at you neighbours pad, and five blocks away, ending at the main road...
After the smoke settled, we cheered Brad on with all esteem when he opened up about his 'issues' with Christianity...
We all do, but don't get Brad started on religion...
According to Brad, he states that:
"I got brought up being told things were God's way and when things didn't work out it was called Gods plan".
So whatever bad that may happen folks, according to Brad it's Gods plan. So forcing us to go to church on a Sunday to listen to outdated widow farts whirr the most dreadful hymns, and have you toss your bus pennys as a downpayment for the 3series Bmw the priest's driving, is perfectly normal because it's Gods plan, financially...
Furthermore, we get what Brad's saying, as we'd prefer to play video games than sitting in a crying room to escape the fate of manipulation and the major glitched band, to watch stomped mothers breastfeed...
Also, often as a kid you would always wonder why God never spoke back to you, and you'd always plead on your knees for some new toy, while he carefully plotted your failure, as he blessed others but never you. Bummer!..
Meanwhile, Brad also says that:
"I think of everything I do now that my kids are going to see when they grow up and how are they going to feel. But they know me as a dad and I hope they'll just think of me as a pretty damn good actor".
Brad opted to bounce the limelight off Jesus to have his kids believe in a non-fictional character, by glittering them with joy as he lets them play video games on Sunday morning so that they won't hate him as we hate our fathers. Effective tactics indeed. First J.K Rowling made Jesus look subordinate, and now Brad Pitt too, as he wants his kids to think of him as a good actor and not a con artist...
During the conclusion of Brad's applauded interview, numerous anonymous morons have pulled the plug on Brad with bitter prejudice stating that:
"What a strange example to set for his kids. He'll need to repent soon or he'll be in purgatory for a long time"...
Purgatory for a long time? So we'll go into purgatory and have to repent eventhough it was God's plan? Might we add that it's amazing how Catholics feel obliged to tell us something positive in a callous way. But, we don't mind purgatory as long as it's not jail...
Furthermore, a gloated croaker goes off the rails, adding that:
"It's Gods way, to allow you to make your own choices. God leads. It's up to us to follow". The fact that you and Jolie live in sin, and waste so much on selfish, self centered expenditures, doesn't make it right. You're good actors, but somewhat overpaid. It also might surprise you to know, some of us can't stand to watch your (mainly Jolies), movies anymore. I couldn't tell you the last time I watched one of her movies".
Blah...Blah...Blah...What a twit...Probably a TBN fanatic...
Anyways, It's kinda' like the blind leading the blind. We don't see God and neither does he. We can't follow him because he has too many people to attend to and he's not your average nanny...
Brad and Jolie sin like all global trotters do. We make the choice to sin, yes, but who cares aint that life? So get a life...
We love money and money loves us. We drown in debt and veneer at credit. Call it what you want, self-centred or selfish, cause we not focusing on God, or dropping a penny for your lackluster sermon?.. As usual it's 'I know God more than you do' and all the other racist remarks. When will these morons ever stop...
Jesus loves all the little kids-what if Amy Winehouse has a baby?
Amy Winehouse is trying to have a baby, and we hope Jesus still loves kids...
Also, we don't blame any uterus for wanting to leave in the middle of the night...
This is a baseless statement as Amy having a uterus is unconfirmed and unfounded, like Caster Semenya yet we pressume that somewhere beneath her arid skin there exists a sober reproductive organ...
At first we were clotted with vagueness when trying to figure out what this actually meant. Thus after reaffirmation we no longer have to ground our kids and use the excuse that 'you grounded because of Amy'...
No. She has a tainted anatomy and a polluted blood circulatory system, still she's human though we can't comprehend the atypical personality...
So. Please have a seat human rights whiners. This is going to be a survivor finale as it'll take a warrior, to beat around the bushy wushy and rattle Amy's slot machine...
In the latest update on the celeb game of musical chairs, singer Amy Winehouse has checked herself into a health clinic to get 'baby ready'...
'Baby ready', eh? Does this include a hindrance of fizzing birth control tablets?..
Aside from our aforementioned angst, it seems as if Amy has been benefiting largely from the clinic, as she's arrived at her goddaughter's party looking least appropriate to establish a parenting conscience...
According to the favourable She & Him source which we often whisk at, twice to be exact, the Sun, it states that:
"Amy has checked herself in. She wants to get herself 'baby ready' so she and Reg Traviss can start a family in the not too distant future".
Internally, our minds will be provoked with graphic images of a stunted prop floating around in a winehouse amniotic fluid causing us to breakdown with our wrists slit...
Not neccesarily. As there's some optimism that Amy will cut the expectations, although she still enjoys taking pictures in the loo. Due to her 'health clinic' of Blake to the faraway-forests, and now 'health clinic' of herself with a new aura, so that the uterus she owned at a time may again once more return to execute it's proper duties, as a reproductive organ, and not a mule...
Merrier or not. More kids for Brad and Jolie as long as they're shipped off to Africa to acquire a few diseases to move them up on the adoption list...
Maybe Amy would make a good parent considering her history. Though, we highly predict that she'll implement the 'tot system', where the kids will have a shot of brandy, and reflux all over the stage like Bieb tots...
With Amy on planet parent, sperm banks will go insolvent from Amy's intake, with blokes performing emergency castrations like Swede's. So we say, cheeeeers Amy..! May your fertilized egg bring out the good in you, the side which we have yet to see, to prevent us from throttling you with adoption agencies...
Though, we hope that this won't spark another fad of research into abnormal child psychology, since Woody Allens' conception...
Also, we don't blame any uterus for wanting to leave in the middle of the night...
This is a baseless statement as Amy having a uterus is unconfirmed and unfounded, like Caster Semenya yet we pressume that somewhere beneath her arid skin there exists a sober reproductive organ...
At first we were clotted with vagueness when trying to figure out what this actually meant. Thus after reaffirmation we no longer have to ground our kids and use the excuse that 'you grounded because of Amy'...
No. She has a tainted anatomy and a polluted blood circulatory system, still she's human though we can't comprehend the atypical personality...
So. Please have a seat human rights whiners. This is going to be a survivor finale as it'll take a warrior, to beat around the bushy wushy and rattle Amy's slot machine...
In the latest update on the celeb game of musical chairs, singer Amy Winehouse has checked herself into a health clinic to get 'baby ready'...
'Baby ready', eh? Does this include a hindrance of fizzing birth control tablets?..
Aside from our aforementioned angst, it seems as if Amy has been benefiting largely from the clinic, as she's arrived at her goddaughter's party looking least appropriate to establish a parenting conscience...
According to the favourable She & Him source which we often whisk at, twice to be exact, the Sun, it states that:
"Amy has checked herself in. She wants to get herself 'baby ready' so she and Reg Traviss can start a family in the not too distant future".
Internally, our minds will be provoked with graphic images of a stunted prop floating around in a winehouse amniotic fluid causing us to breakdown with our wrists slit...
Not neccesarily. As there's some optimism that Amy will cut the expectations, although she still enjoys taking pictures in the loo. Due to her 'health clinic' of Blake to the faraway-forests, and now 'health clinic' of herself with a new aura, so that the uterus she owned at a time may again once more return to execute it's proper duties, as a reproductive organ, and not a mule...
Merrier or not. More kids for Brad and Jolie as long as they're shipped off to Africa to acquire a few diseases to move them up on the adoption list...
Maybe Amy would make a good parent considering her history. Though, we highly predict that she'll implement the 'tot system', where the kids will have a shot of brandy, and reflux all over the stage like Bieb tots...
With Amy on planet parent, sperm banks will go insolvent from Amy's intake, with blokes performing emergency castrations like Swede's. So we say, cheeeeers Amy..! May your fertilized egg bring out the good in you, the side which we have yet to see, to prevent us from throttling you with adoption agencies...
Though, we hope that this won't spark another fad of research into abnormal child psychology, since Woody Allens' conception...
Wednesday 18 May 2011
Californication Governator Arnold Schwarzenegger is not a gentleman but a machine
'I am not a man, I am a machineeee'- Bizarrely true as society's moving towards the bionic age...
Also, the philosophy of the exterminator Arnie, it had many of us laughing our smelly socks off. Yet unoticebly under the radar he has shocked us folks with his 'ambivalent ways' as he gave up on California like the Beach Boys. Arnies' ways gate beyond the voortrekker floozey, as he sent his taser lad with troopers to not only cause the kind of marital damage to make any female feel miserable after a nookies. But he has navigated his taser lad in every sector, from household staff to office furniture...
Scandalous? Infidelity? We shall call it pure californication.
Before Arnie became governator of California, he was California dreaming of sticking his taser lad into every compartment. This caused a sleek cheating trend which went undocumented, being serviced for 20 years by his household staff that's now retired, Arnie has gone to the confession booth and spoken out about the times he innocently tased his maid while Maria spent time with the kids...
Did he condomize? With the moral highground which Arnie brought to the forefront of his term as governator of California, we could atleast assume that he did...
Not so, as Arnie admits that he had fathered a kid with the maid after the condom broke...
So, the couple slapped a severance cheque in her retirement fund, and all ended on good terms, until...
Arnie, the veteran of romantic rendezvous moved his hanky skanky to his office building to live the best of both worlds.
With skill and precision he kept his household staff and business staff seperate. From the mucky clock book of Arnie, numerous staff would arrive at 1am to perform the nightshift at the office...
According to Arnie, it's an office and not a brothel even though it has many beds. Besides, he was the only one working overtime and distributing manila envelopes to these dames...
Arnie released a statement that we brushed off as there's no excuse for humping the maid for 20years, and staff as he probably enjoyed it. Maria has released a statement to counter Arnie's which can be summed up into one word- 'miserable'...
Now that Maria's the last lady of California, blokes turn their heads distastefully as tv networks pounce to capitalize on the opportunity...
Opportunists the likes of Oprah have sprung to the rescue of grieving Maria Shriver by offering Maria her own tv show on the OWN network, which Oprah will still OWN. Oprah, known for dishing out her samples has taken the decision to convince Maria to appear as a guest on a final show...We guessing that as Oprah hops up and says 'all of the audience', then Arnies troopers intercepts, 'ruuun! Hurry It's a sex bomb'...
Meanwhile we are being bore to death by anonymous networks slyishly seducing the widow to their networks to have a daily show telling us how miserable she is...
Aren't all dames miserable?..
Anyways. Enough to give you a popped artery, Maria's undergoing a comodotizing process, simultaneously the more jobs she's being offered, we had to exhume the abbacus to keep track of Arnies skanky dames...
So you heard it folks. Arnie's on the rebound and miserable Maria whom newly discovered that Arnie could never be a man but a sewing machine will remain seperated from Arnie. Arnie will be buk folks, so lock your maids in your basement for the night, or arm them with a screwdriver and a lazer beam gun as Arnie takes the schlong walk to freedom...
Also, the philosophy of the exterminator Arnie, it had many of us laughing our smelly socks off. Yet unoticebly under the radar he has shocked us folks with his 'ambivalent ways' as he gave up on California like the Beach Boys. Arnies' ways gate beyond the voortrekker floozey, as he sent his taser lad with troopers to not only cause the kind of marital damage to make any female feel miserable after a nookies. But he has navigated his taser lad in every sector, from household staff to office furniture...
Scandalous? Infidelity? We shall call it pure californication.
Before Arnie became governator of California, he was California dreaming of sticking his taser lad into every compartment. This caused a sleek cheating trend which went undocumented, being serviced for 20 years by his household staff that's now retired, Arnie has gone to the confession booth and spoken out about the times he innocently tased his maid while Maria spent time with the kids...
Did he condomize? With the moral highground which Arnie brought to the forefront of his term as governator of California, we could atleast assume that he did...
Not so, as Arnie admits that he had fathered a kid with the maid after the condom broke...
So, the couple slapped a severance cheque in her retirement fund, and all ended on good terms, until...
Arnie, the veteran of romantic rendezvous moved his hanky skanky to his office building to live the best of both worlds.
With skill and precision he kept his household staff and business staff seperate. From the mucky clock book of Arnie, numerous staff would arrive at 1am to perform the nightshift at the office...
According to Arnie, it's an office and not a brothel even though it has many beds. Besides, he was the only one working overtime and distributing manila envelopes to these dames...
Arnie released a statement that we brushed off as there's no excuse for humping the maid for 20years, and staff as he probably enjoyed it. Maria has released a statement to counter Arnie's which can be summed up into one word- 'miserable'...
Now that Maria's the last lady of California, blokes turn their heads distastefully as tv networks pounce to capitalize on the opportunity...
Opportunists the likes of Oprah have sprung to the rescue of grieving Maria Shriver by offering Maria her own tv show on the OWN network, which Oprah will still OWN. Oprah, known for dishing out her samples has taken the decision to convince Maria to appear as a guest on a final show...We guessing that as Oprah hops up and says 'all of the audience', then Arnies troopers intercepts, 'ruuun! Hurry It's a sex bomb'...
Meanwhile we are being bore to death by anonymous networks slyishly seducing the widow to their networks to have a daily show telling us how miserable she is...
Aren't all dames miserable?..
Anyways. Enough to give you a popped artery, Maria's undergoing a comodotizing process, simultaneously the more jobs she's being offered, we had to exhume the abbacus to keep track of Arnies skanky dames...
So you heard it folks. Arnie's on the rebound and miserable Maria whom newly discovered that Arnie could never be a man but a sewing machine will remain seperated from Arnie. Arnie will be buk folks, so lock your maids in your basement for the night, or arm them with a screwdriver and a lazer beam gun as Arnie takes the schlong walk to freedom...
13th June-No one cares about Joe Jonas' new album release
Ah. With winter just around the corner for all Southie folks, we at She & Him refuse to hibernate with the stocking troops, as we'll dish the most bile knotting casserole from the grubby ovens, and drag you out of the smutty sheets where you've been decomposing, after your lethargic menopausal mother-in-law routinely irked your acorns when she demanded you wash the dishes...
Still, whatever the weather, from the snotty hanky and the tea bag stained sheet, to cyclones, floods, and all the other metaphors, including the yawning trivial scriptures which lifeless morons would use to threaten us by exhaulting that 'god's angry'...
Alas, nothing is more devastating than any of these typical natural disasters but an album by Joe Jonas, eh?..
Yes folks. It seems as if we'll disintegrate our bottoms and make the world look like a scatterplot diagram as we plunge into our rabbit holes while Mr.bean-Joe Jonas will be releasing an off-putting album on the 13th of June...
Furthermore, Joe opted for a revamp from his perv boyband image so that us folks may perceive him as being a callous piece of artilary. This comes after Joe slotched the peanut butter and jam with Chris Brown to record a bad boy song titled, 'see no more'...
With a ballpoint of irony, the trotters at She & Him coercively don't approve of this fabricated clone's doings. And yes Joe, we often wish that we would 'see no more' singles...
To prevent a bottle-neck blockage of permissive moron parents and surfboard-chested dames hovering in shopping malls, we've conducted a poll sampling lonely folks to hear their views on the album...
According to an attention-seeking entrant whom calls himself 'mileycyrusucks' (whom clearly has no life as he's known for being a nagpot), states that:
"I hope his second single's called 'kiss my ass Demi you psycho druggie slut hypocrit whiner' "...
What does Demi even have to do with Joe? She left the camp and didn't oink either brother, fair enough. Yet her presence still spooks the boltless androids whom fetish over her psychotic toxic...
Furthermore, one chump decided to enlighten us with Joe's physical complexities, stating that:
'Damn you, so fine'...
What a lot of pervs jackin' off to Disney prods...
Besides, the poll never went as initially planned as most dwelled on anything and everything but his singing...
Neither will we give a speck of plaque to tell you how awful the single sounds. So, impregnate a fluffy teddy for all we care while crooning to rocketman, and have faith that when summer comes undone it'll bring less fairies that we'd have to swat tiresomely at...
Still, whatever the weather, from the snotty hanky and the tea bag stained sheet, to cyclones, floods, and all the other metaphors, including the yawning trivial scriptures which lifeless morons would use to threaten us by exhaulting that 'god's angry'...
Alas, nothing is more devastating than any of these typical natural disasters but an album by Joe Jonas, eh?..
Yes folks. It seems as if we'll disintegrate our bottoms and make the world look like a scatterplot diagram as we plunge into our rabbit holes while Mr.bean-Joe Jonas will be releasing an off-putting album on the 13th of June...
Furthermore, Joe opted for a revamp from his perv boyband image so that us folks may perceive him as being a callous piece of artilary. This comes after Joe slotched the peanut butter and jam with Chris Brown to record a bad boy song titled, 'see no more'...
With a ballpoint of irony, the trotters at She & Him coercively don't approve of this fabricated clone's doings. And yes Joe, we often wish that we would 'see no more' singles...
To prevent a bottle-neck blockage of permissive moron parents and surfboard-chested dames hovering in shopping malls, we've conducted a poll sampling lonely folks to hear their views on the album...
According to an attention-seeking entrant whom calls himself 'mileycyrusucks' (whom clearly has no life as he's known for being a nagpot), states that:
"I hope his second single's called 'kiss my ass Demi you psycho druggie slut hypocrit whiner' "...
What does Demi even have to do with Joe? She left the camp and didn't oink either brother, fair enough. Yet her presence still spooks the boltless androids whom fetish over her psychotic toxic...
Furthermore, one chump decided to enlighten us with Joe's physical complexities, stating that:
'Damn you, so fine'...
What a lot of pervs jackin' off to Disney prods...
Besides, the poll never went as initially planned as most dwelled on anything and everything but his singing...
Neither will we give a speck of plaque to tell you how awful the single sounds. So, impregnate a fluffy teddy for all we care while crooning to rocketman, and have faith that when summer comes undone it'll bring less fairies that we'd have to swat tiresomely at...
IEC approves election update by She & Him due to SABC's poor coverage
For the past few days, politicians all across South Africa went on a door-to-door campaign to empty our litter-boxes in a bid to win our votes. As consequence of numerous folks making uninformed votes, we at She & Him believe that it would be just if we transmit an update through our snot blog, on the political shenanigans for all you folks...
The news goes as follows, for you to misuse:
Senior Zuma, the hag rack wife of Zuma, which he grinds once a decade, urges all folks to vote, yet can't keep up with Zuma's urges..
Orlando expecting Winnie the poo to show her muddy face, and f*ck up Gauteng elections, extending and delaying voting for a few hours after scaring voters off...
Agricultural minister feels honored to cast her vote and piss-off voortrekker offspring in the hinterland...
Unimpressed Oudtshroon folks in celebratory mood after Zilla ships boring campaign back to Cape Town...
IEC's technology impresses international guests, and feels disrespected...
DA determined to blindside ANC with illegal sms campaign...
SABC lie to viewers claiming that folks trust IEC while IEC declares living dame dead...
Folks in Midvaal deregistered, and opt for protest as DA sucks just as bad as the ANC does...
Thousand Limpopo folks spoils ballot paper for IEC causing minor problems...
IFP accuses NFP of violating Electoral Act, without violence...
Jimmy Abbott returns home to make his mark, hence limpopo police to monitor hotspots for intimidation...
Julius Malema encourages youth to vote, and receives cheers after voting at spoilled ballot station in Limpopo...
Who cares anyways...
From She & Him, may the most bullshitter moron win...
The news goes as follows, for you to misuse:
Senior Zuma, the hag rack wife of Zuma, which he grinds once a decade, urges all folks to vote, yet can't keep up with Zuma's urges..
Orlando expecting Winnie the poo to show her muddy face, and f*ck up Gauteng elections, extending and delaying voting for a few hours after scaring voters off...
Agricultural minister feels honored to cast her vote and piss-off voortrekker offspring in the hinterland...
Unimpressed Oudtshroon folks in celebratory mood after Zilla ships boring campaign back to Cape Town...
IEC's technology impresses international guests, and feels disrespected...
DA determined to blindside ANC with illegal sms campaign...
SABC lie to viewers claiming that folks trust IEC while IEC declares living dame dead...
Folks in Midvaal deregistered, and opt for protest as DA sucks just as bad as the ANC does...
Thousand Limpopo folks spoils ballot paper for IEC causing minor problems...
IFP accuses NFP of violating Electoral Act, without violence...
Jimmy Abbott returns home to make his mark, hence limpopo police to monitor hotspots for intimidation...
Julius Malema encourages youth to vote, and receives cheers after voting at spoilled ballot station in Limpopo...
Who cares anyways...
From She & Him, may the most bullshitter moron win...
Monday 16 May 2011
Mariah + Ashlee's new album- destined to bore us into a coma
Yes folks,
We at She & Him think that it's likely that the world's going to end, as dead-beat Cannon jolts the globe into a flight of panic, due to the worn-out Mariah considering releasing an expression-of-grief lullabies, to make all folks hurl...
To make matters even more of a poorer quality, Ashlee Simpson's also considering releasing an album to put us in a coma...
We at She & Him don't give two hoots about these two washed-out-rags releasing an album, as we've already lobbed Mariah's xmas album into the blazing bonfire (middle-class doinks, it would be your fireplace)...
And neither are we keen on giving Ashlee either of our five senses...
According to sources, the slipshod mothers' albums are 'INCREDIBLE!'. Eh?..
As a result of the folks at She & Him tossing and turning in a bid to give these two slipshod albums the least thought, we have ransacked the chemist labs for paracetemol, and eventually declared these albums barely credible...
Shame...
Furthermore, in an attempt to defend Mariah from the guzzled marginalization at the She & Him headquarters, Cannon has blasted his apendix in an effort to persuade the unenthused folks at She & Him that Mariah won't go downhill like her sagging breasts...
He milks the cow by stating that:
"She's been working away, and we have a studio in the crib, and [the pregnancy] has totally inspired her on so many different levels. You're definitely gonna see some new phenomenal music from Mariah".
Cannon, being clearly ignorant to the fact that the sagging Mariah will no longer make record sales due to her looking depleted. We at She & Him with our realistic expectations are confident that she's destined to wane us folks and her tots into a state of sleep apnea...
On the other hand, whilst in the celebrity confession cubicle, twitter, the wishy-washy Ashlee Simpson tweeted her desperation with idiomatic chinwag:
"Writing sesh on the balcony. My album doesn't seem so far away".
Oh please, doinky mendacity...
While most folks assumed that Ashlee was contemplating suicide on a balcony, sources have dampened our gusto by claiming that she was writing songs on a balcony for her new album...
Again we say oh please, doinky mendacity...
Still, no one gives two droppings Ashlee...
Unlike chump-for-a-hump Cannon, Pete Wentz wouldn't stand up for Ashlee, not only as a result of the hogging being a nauseating puddle of muck. Regrettably, each sample that has ever emerged from Ashlee had to be doctored as we had to bring all witticism into play...
Shame...
However. While samples have yet to be released , we at She & Him have jumped the gun by hurling an appetite of putrid tomatoes onto your elapsed fame, by inducting the two of you into the She & Him wall of ignominy...
As billboard doesn't give two droppings...
Doinks!..
We at She & Him think that it's likely that the world's going to end, as dead-beat Cannon jolts the globe into a flight of panic, due to the worn-out Mariah considering releasing an expression-of-grief lullabies, to make all folks hurl...
To make matters even more of a poorer quality, Ashlee Simpson's also considering releasing an album to put us in a coma...
We at She & Him don't give two hoots about these two washed-out-rags releasing an album, as we've already lobbed Mariah's xmas album into the blazing bonfire (middle-class doinks, it would be your fireplace)...
And neither are we keen on giving Ashlee either of our five senses...
According to sources, the slipshod mothers' albums are 'INCREDIBLE!'. Eh?..
As a result of the folks at She & Him tossing and turning in a bid to give these two slipshod albums the least thought, we have ransacked the chemist labs for paracetemol, and eventually declared these albums barely credible...
Shame...
Furthermore, in an attempt to defend Mariah from the guzzled marginalization at the She & Him headquarters, Cannon has blasted his apendix in an effort to persuade the unenthused folks at She & Him that Mariah won't go downhill like her sagging breasts...
He milks the cow by stating that:
"She's been working away, and we have a studio in the crib, and [the pregnancy] has totally inspired her on so many different levels. You're definitely gonna see some new phenomenal music from Mariah".
Cannon, being clearly ignorant to the fact that the sagging Mariah will no longer make record sales due to her looking depleted. We at She & Him with our realistic expectations are confident that she's destined to wane us folks and her tots into a state of sleep apnea...
On the other hand, whilst in the celebrity confession cubicle, twitter, the wishy-washy Ashlee Simpson tweeted her desperation with idiomatic chinwag:
"Writing sesh on the balcony. My album doesn't seem so far away".
Oh please, doinky mendacity...
While most folks assumed that Ashlee was contemplating suicide on a balcony, sources have dampened our gusto by claiming that she was writing songs on a balcony for her new album...
Again we say oh please, doinky mendacity...
Still, no one gives two droppings Ashlee...
Unlike chump-for-a-hump Cannon, Pete Wentz wouldn't stand up for Ashlee, not only as a result of the hogging being a nauseating puddle of muck. Regrettably, each sample that has ever emerged from Ashlee had to be doctored as we had to bring all witticism into play...
Shame...
However. While samples have yet to be released , we at She & Him have jumped the gun by hurling an appetite of putrid tomatoes onto your elapsed fame, by inducting the two of you into the She & Him wall of ignominy...
As billboard doesn't give two droppings...
Doinks!..
Ashton Kutcher set to replace Sheenius-we at She & Him anxiously start distributing polio drops
While most folks were awfully baffled at why Sheenius was even allowed to star on 'Two and A Half Men' in the first place. His mutinous senslessness provided the folks at She & Him with a tad bit of liberation, as he spazzed out of the show to focus on his tomfoolery...
This just about aided all folks to cutback on depositing all our guts and bowels onto our living room carpets...
Even so, we would expect the show to be canceled after Sheenius spurned the corkscrew out of Chuck Lorre. Right folks?..
Alas. Word around the camp fire's that the breadcrumb Ashton Kutcher's set to replace Sheenius, only after his past its sell-by date loaf of bread Demommy signs his indemnity form...
With Ashton joining the 'Two and A Half Men' team, the show's bound to become the most vomiting abysmal show since 'Seventh Heaven' to hit our screens, causing us to totter with our intestines dangling like umbilical cords like we're ready to jump off a cliff, and lose whatever moral fibre we had for tv...
Perplexing indeed...
Nevertheless, Jon Cryer's thrilled at the news that the breadcrumb Ashton will be replacing Sheenius...
According to Jon, he states that:
"For all the rest of the cast and crew I'm sure they are equally excited".
We presuppose that the crew would be excited as we would be, now that they've disposed of Sheenius to the pavement gutters...
Furthermore...
As Jon's fallopian tubes begin to pulsate, he states that:
"Ashton is an extraordinarily talented guy, and his presence will be an asset to our show".
Talented, eh?.. Fortunately, now that Sheenius' being replaced, we could maybe see Jon getting laid as the breadcrumb Ashton will be an ass hit to the show...
However, to be blunt...
Ashton was never talented. Infact watching punk'd and seeing his annoying autistic face in his soiled pampers made us feel distressed like social workers empathizing him with a social grant...
Furthermore...
While we at She & Him attempted to gag a tampon into Jon's vaseline jar, he sniggers that:
"We old friends from our male modeling days, and we're both looking foward to being judged for our comedic artistry, as opposed to our exceptional physical beauty".
Thus folks, we foresee that there'll be less bar fights now that the smashed bumpkin Sheenius has been fertilized in a putrid and rancid soil...
So, while Jon gushes with thrust, we at She & Him will be coiled in vomit as Adam and Steve rekindle from their backstage male mock-ups, with a pinch of brokeback hanky panky to judge one another's physical beauties, while jamming each other to bohemian rhapsody...
Sortits...
Doinks!..
This just about aided all folks to cutback on depositing all our guts and bowels onto our living room carpets...
Even so, we would expect the show to be canceled after Sheenius spurned the corkscrew out of Chuck Lorre. Right folks?..
Alas. Word around the camp fire's that the breadcrumb Ashton Kutcher's set to replace Sheenius, only after his past its sell-by date loaf of bread Demommy signs his indemnity form...
With Ashton joining the 'Two and A Half Men' team, the show's bound to become the most vomiting abysmal show since 'Seventh Heaven' to hit our screens, causing us to totter with our intestines dangling like umbilical cords like we're ready to jump off a cliff, and lose whatever moral fibre we had for tv...
Perplexing indeed...
Nevertheless, Jon Cryer's thrilled at the news that the breadcrumb Ashton will be replacing Sheenius...
According to Jon, he states that:
"For all the rest of the cast and crew I'm sure they are equally excited".
We presuppose that the crew would be excited as we would be, now that they've disposed of Sheenius to the pavement gutters...
Furthermore...
As Jon's fallopian tubes begin to pulsate, he states that:
"Ashton is an extraordinarily talented guy, and his presence will be an asset to our show".
Talented, eh?.. Fortunately, now that Sheenius' being replaced, we could maybe see Jon getting laid as the breadcrumb Ashton will be an ass hit to the show...
However, to be blunt...
Ashton was never talented. Infact watching punk'd and seeing his annoying autistic face in his soiled pampers made us feel distressed like social workers empathizing him with a social grant...
Furthermore...
While we at She & Him attempted to gag a tampon into Jon's vaseline jar, he sniggers that:
"We old friends from our male modeling days, and we're both looking foward to being judged for our comedic artistry, as opposed to our exceptional physical beauty".
Thus folks, we foresee that there'll be less bar fights now that the smashed bumpkin Sheenius has been fertilized in a putrid and rancid soil...
So, while Jon gushes with thrust, we at She & Him will be coiled in vomit as Adam and Steve rekindle from their backstage male mock-ups, with a pinch of brokeback hanky panky to judge one another's physical beauties, while jamming each other to bohemian rhapsody...
Sortits...
Doinks!..
Friday 13 May 2011
Aerosmitherines-Steve Tyler's new song '(it) feels good', is wheeeeezingly boring
There was an awkward silence when Steve 'onion-face' Tyler released his new song '(it) feels so good', as it ended up sounding not to good. In fact extremely bad, awful, and all the other synonyms you could possibly look up in your thesaurus. Alas you would be unsuccesful as we at She & Him were as it's virtually impossible to describe how terrible the song actually is...
As we all know. Some don't. Steve's relationship with the band Aerosmitherines, was on the rocks due to Steve's addiction to painkillers (possibly for reasons of the earsplitting ruckus that came out of his pie-hole)...
Anyways, this saw him being pounded into rehab. Thus a happy 'over the moon' band emerged as they beseeched to replace him...
The tension further escalated as band mate Joe Perry was not to happy about him taking the job at American Idol, which saw millions of viewers regress into a state of agoraphobia everytime the camera took a shot at Steve...
Tongue in cheek. Steve bounced back claiming that Joe's on LSD (Steve certainly had an enormous influence on the management of the band mates lesuire time)...
Moving on. Steve didn't even have to let the band mates listen to the song, as they rejected it without consultation or empathy...
Steve told rollingstone.com that:
"They didn't like it, so I just kept it for the last couple of years".
He further pants, that:
"I wrote the song at the Sunset Marquis hotel in Los Angeles a few years ago. I swear it's going to be a hit".
Acorrding to the band mates, the song was so wheeeeezingly boring that it became dreadful after the first ten seconds...
While She & Him embarked upon testing this hypothesis made by the band mates. We couldn't help but notice that it was if Steve was panting. Sadly, after a minute or so it becomes worse as the instruments begin to wane. Making it sound as if he's having an asthma attack...
Furthermore, Steve peels the onion, by stating that:
"I can hear it coming out of peoples cars this summer. I'm a fool for melody, man. I've got to have a melody. I miss it, and there it is".
Steve, practically unconscious to his wheezing sound effects in the song, basically sends our auditory canals on a tormenting rollercoaster ride while he commences like a tongue-tied deaf bloke, he's adamant that it'll be a huge hit...
Nonetheless, this summer it seems as if our cars are going to honk the sounds of an engine faliure. And besides, who wants to hear about how good it feels, to pop a painkiller, eh?..
As we all know. Some don't. Steve's relationship with the band Aerosmitherines, was on the rocks due to Steve's addiction to painkillers (possibly for reasons of the earsplitting ruckus that came out of his pie-hole)...
Anyways, this saw him being pounded into rehab. Thus a happy 'over the moon' band emerged as they beseeched to replace him...
The tension further escalated as band mate Joe Perry was not to happy about him taking the job at American Idol, which saw millions of viewers regress into a state of agoraphobia everytime the camera took a shot at Steve...
Tongue in cheek. Steve bounced back claiming that Joe's on LSD (Steve certainly had an enormous influence on the management of the band mates lesuire time)...
Moving on. Steve didn't even have to let the band mates listen to the song, as they rejected it without consultation or empathy...
Steve told rollingstone.com that:
"They didn't like it, so I just kept it for the last couple of years".
He further pants, that:
"I wrote the song at the Sunset Marquis hotel in Los Angeles a few years ago. I swear it's going to be a hit".
Acorrding to the band mates, the song was so wheeeeezingly boring that it became dreadful after the first ten seconds...
While She & Him embarked upon testing this hypothesis made by the band mates. We couldn't help but notice that it was if Steve was panting. Sadly, after a minute or so it becomes worse as the instruments begin to wane. Making it sound as if he's having an asthma attack...
Furthermore, Steve peels the onion, by stating that:
"I can hear it coming out of peoples cars this summer. I'm a fool for melody, man. I've got to have a melody. I miss it, and there it is".
Steve, practically unconscious to his wheezing sound effects in the song, basically sends our auditory canals on a tormenting rollercoaster ride while he commences like a tongue-tied deaf bloke, he's adamant that it'll be a huge hit...
Nonetheless, this summer it seems as if our cars are going to honk the sounds of an engine faliure. And besides, who wants to hear about how good it feels, to pop a painkiller, eh?..
Wednesday 11 May 2011
'For about a week he was calling and was deadly seriously about it'- Adele's X bloke wants royalties and not sex
Shame. While you folks have whipped out the box of tissues to wipe the blog snot off your sagging cheeks. And gobbled up the comfort tub of curds while listening to Adele's album '19'. We at She & Him have decided not to poke the prattle out of Adele, now that she's looking more like a lady...
We all remember the album '19', which jaded us for a few months as it globally sent shockwaves by bringing us something fresh...
A decent dame to have ever emerged from the U.K indeed, to bring shame to the vomiting Lily Allen whom looks as if she just stepped out of a crackhouse...
Furthermore, Adele's recently swooped onto our radio stations with her jaunty album '21', as she realized that us folks were vomitingly at wits-end with her melancholic-blunder album '19'.
Anyhow. Now that Adele's robust in her size 21 Penny C blouse, her ex-bloke has sprung out from the trash can-sized shack, claiming compensation in royalties, as he's fed up with the skanky dames he's bolted since the beginning of his relationship to Adele...
The shit hit the fan when Adele lashed out at her penniles ex bloke in black and white, as she spat out in 'The Sun', that:
"Well, you made my life a living hell, so I lived with it and now I deserve it".
Whooooooooooooa!..
She's obviously not giving him a cent as we can derive from this that the humping was effortless and just off-putting...
She further grunts:
"He really thought he had some some input into the creative process by being a prick. I'll give him the credit -he made me an adult, and put me on the road that I'm travelling".
The aforementioned stems from the shallow Hal ex bloke begging that Adele credit him for her success, as a result of him removing the oreo-sized puck from the grunting Adele's jaws...
Even so. The predicament Adele's in is quite hilariously abnormal, as you'd usually have some sort of sex tape with an ex bloke or dame surfacing. Yet, Adele's ex bloke's not even demanding a post-break-up hump from her...
It's undeniably a transaction that went wrong like, 'pay me for the off-putting humping that I had to endure with you'...
Shame Adele. We anticipate that you'll become as popular as Lady Gaga even though you claim that you don't want to be as popular as she is. We know that you'll never become as freakishly popular as she is...
So, we at She & Him hope that you don't have to encounter another one of your supposed ex blokes, claiming compensation for the distasteful humping...
We all remember the album '19', which jaded us for a few months as it globally sent shockwaves by bringing us something fresh...
A decent dame to have ever emerged from the U.K indeed, to bring shame to the vomiting Lily Allen whom looks as if she just stepped out of a crackhouse...
Furthermore, Adele's recently swooped onto our radio stations with her jaunty album '21', as she realized that us folks were vomitingly at wits-end with her melancholic-blunder album '19'.
Anyhow. Now that Adele's robust in her size 21 Penny C blouse, her ex-bloke has sprung out from the trash can-sized shack, claiming compensation in royalties, as he's fed up with the skanky dames he's bolted since the beginning of his relationship to Adele...
The shit hit the fan when Adele lashed out at her penniles ex bloke in black and white, as she spat out in 'The Sun', that:
"Well, you made my life a living hell, so I lived with it and now I deserve it".
Whooooooooooooa!..
She's obviously not giving him a cent as we can derive from this that the humping was effortless and just off-putting...
She further grunts:
"He really thought he had some some input into the creative process by being a prick. I'll give him the credit -he made me an adult, and put me on the road that I'm travelling".
The aforementioned stems from the shallow Hal ex bloke begging that Adele credit him for her success, as a result of him removing the oreo-sized puck from the grunting Adele's jaws...
Even so. The predicament Adele's in is quite hilariously abnormal, as you'd usually have some sort of sex tape with an ex bloke or dame surfacing. Yet, Adele's ex bloke's not even demanding a post-break-up hump from her...
It's undeniably a transaction that went wrong like, 'pay me for the off-putting humping that I had to endure with you'...
Shame Adele. We anticipate that you'll become as popular as Lady Gaga even though you claim that you don't want to be as popular as she is. We know that you'll never become as freakishly popular as she is...
So, we at She & Him hope that you don't have to encounter another one of your supposed ex blokes, claiming compensation for the distasteful humping...
Lohan, the epitome of ignominy slithers through the legal system, and charley horse's thousands of folks
Yes folks! We live in an ambiguous society, right? Where folks have refuted the blueprints of gods in exchange for a chaotic civilization filled with catastrophes...
We are indeed bagged with the arrears-ridden-rich such as Sol Cursener and the naysay nameless blokes and dames that chitchat about how much they have yet to accumulate...
So, from the bold and good-for-nothing...To the fine-looking dames and lads...To the grotesque troll we often find at supermarkets...
Yet, all in totality, does not encapsulate the nasty piece of work which we have come to know as Lilolololololohan...
She has indeed been the supplement to our daily snigger, as we cannot function normally without her bestowing her lack of common sense upon us...
As previously documented in the She & Him memoirs of the baseless Lilolololololohan. We can substantiate that Lilolololololohan will be placed under house arrest, where she'll be electrically monitored like a hound...
This comes after, according to our undercover She & Him agents, so they say, that Lilolololololohan's lawyer, Shawn Chapman Holley met with Stephanie Saunter and the City Attorney to discuss Lohan's case. And in a chain reaction of events that took place, Lilolololololohan whitewashed the legal system...
Yipeeeeeeeeeeeee! Eh?
We at She & Him are exasperated at the fact that Lilolololololohan has slithered through the legal system like a migrating jailbird...
Furthermore, Lohan won't also be present at the hearing, which would see her emancipated with a bit of assistance, in one piece...
Alas folks. Change your lifestyles of slaving tiresomely for food stamps, as the nasty piece of work has shown us through the regressive antics of a child, that stealing's the real thing...
So Dem, we have no f*cking idea as to what you talking about, as society's not putting any pressure on us to become 'thin'...
According to Lilolololololohan, stealing and getting off scotch free is the new in-thing, silly Dem...
So what does this mean for all folks in our ambiguous society?..
Thousands of charley horse folks discredited Lohan for slithering through the legal system, but we practically don't give a shit, as you folks probably never followed the procedures that Lohan did...
Doinks!..
Thus, be certain that you violate your probation and plead no contest to misdemeanor theft. But be sure that you have made it onto the She & Him wall of ignominy...
Doinks!..
So we say, keep them stupid acts coming Lilolololololohan. We at She & Him are always willing to pen you into even more of a nasty piece of work...
We are indeed bagged with the arrears-ridden-rich such as Sol Cursener and the naysay nameless blokes and dames that chitchat about how much they have yet to accumulate...
So, from the bold and good-for-nothing...To the fine-looking dames and lads...To the grotesque troll we often find at supermarkets...
Yet, all in totality, does not encapsulate the nasty piece of work which we have come to know as Lilolololololohan...
She has indeed been the supplement to our daily snigger, as we cannot function normally without her bestowing her lack of common sense upon us...
As previously documented in the She & Him memoirs of the baseless Lilolololololohan. We can substantiate that Lilolololololohan will be placed under house arrest, where she'll be electrically monitored like a hound...
This comes after, according to our undercover She & Him agents, so they say, that Lilolololololohan's lawyer, Shawn Chapman Holley met with Stephanie Saunter and the City Attorney to discuss Lohan's case. And in a chain reaction of events that took place, Lilolololololohan whitewashed the legal system...
Yipeeeeeeeeeeeee! Eh?
We at She & Him are exasperated at the fact that Lilolololololohan has slithered through the legal system like a migrating jailbird...
Furthermore, Lohan won't also be present at the hearing, which would see her emancipated with a bit of assistance, in one piece...
Alas folks. Change your lifestyles of slaving tiresomely for food stamps, as the nasty piece of work has shown us through the regressive antics of a child, that stealing's the real thing...
So Dem, we have no f*cking idea as to what you talking about, as society's not putting any pressure on us to become 'thin'...
According to Lilolololololohan, stealing and getting off scotch free is the new in-thing, silly Dem...
So what does this mean for all folks in our ambiguous society?..
Thousands of charley horse folks discredited Lohan for slithering through the legal system, but we practically don't give a shit, as you folks probably never followed the procedures that Lohan did...
Doinks!..
Thus, be certain that you violate your probation and plead no contest to misdemeanor theft. But be sure that you have made it onto the She & Him wall of ignominy...
Doinks!..
So we say, keep them stupid acts coming Lilolololololohan. We at She & Him are always willing to pen you into even more of a nasty piece of work...
Good, bad and ugly-Prince'ss bans Whitney from all concerts
We all recall Prince. The most hideous looking buffed waxed doll, with looks to deteriorate a self-concept even with a mishmash of benzodiazepines...
We all also recall Whitney. From her high jinks with Bobby, as they koshered the administration of crack from rat poison to our coffee tables...
With countless relapses to make you just stop giving a shit, and toss her albums in the trash. She has indeed dabbed us with her manic-episode comebacks as we all hoped that someday she'll return to the profane world, only to have her swoon over the support of her emulating daughter...
Intermingle these two ladies together, and it'll result in both Prince'ss and Whitney cracking...
Alas, while Whitney's shutting most sane folks out of her botched life, she's dolloped at Prince'ss concert. Only to have him ban her from all his concerts like an irked merchant banker with a maxed-out credit card...
According to Prince'ss, Whitney acted inappropriately at his concert while he was trying to rebuild his vain career. This resulted in Prince'ss banning Whitney from all his concerts...
You know when Prince'ss bans you from a concert, then you have clearly had all the queen dragged out of you...
Though Prince'ss known for pulling celebs up on the stage to shindig with him on stage. He claims that Whitney displayed 'erratic behavior', and eschewed at her as he refused to put her on stage, due to Whitney looking as if she has mad cow's disease with a polished-sparkling vaseline face of a drunk...
We can also confirm that the 'erratic behavior' was probably due to Whitney demanding tickets from Prince'ss as she refused to pay for another one, because she's Whitney...
One hit and she's hankering for some more monkeyshines...
Spazz over Whitney, as we can deliberate that this was not your ordinary sort of 'erratic behavior', as your behavior goes without the need to be documented...
Furthermore, Whitney probably attempted to crowd-surf, which pissed the nutmeg out of Princess, as he claims that he didn't want Whitney to 'embaress herself', as he was already embaressing by calling upon Gavin Rossdale to barn dance with him on stage...
Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh shit...
Anyways, Whitney was triumphant in voluntarily entering a reconvery program. Yet in-patient or out-patient mumbo jumbo, it's pretty much a load of hogwash as it's clearly not taking any effect on Whitney. Still we eulogize you for that Whitney...
But, as you know at She & Him we have to pass on judgment, as you are the spring beneath the smutty pisslogged mattress...
We know you very well, and you know us very well too, as we are the only snot bloggers that makes the faux pas a mere farce. We do hope you are tee-total enough to read our snot blogs before you spazz out...
Despondently, we at She & Him wish you well Prince'ss. Continue to prance around. Yet, we fortunately won't be able to attend your concert as we don't want you banning us for pushing your off the stage, and referring to our snot blogs as 'erratic behavior'...
As for Whitney's daughter, as Eminem said on 'purple pills'. "Bizarre! Your mom is passing out, get her ass on the couch before she crashes out'...
We all also recall Whitney. From her high jinks with Bobby, as they koshered the administration of crack from rat poison to our coffee tables...
With countless relapses to make you just stop giving a shit, and toss her albums in the trash. She has indeed dabbed us with her manic-episode comebacks as we all hoped that someday she'll return to the profane world, only to have her swoon over the support of her emulating daughter...
Intermingle these two ladies together, and it'll result in both Prince'ss and Whitney cracking...
Alas, while Whitney's shutting most sane folks out of her botched life, she's dolloped at Prince'ss concert. Only to have him ban her from all his concerts like an irked merchant banker with a maxed-out credit card...
According to Prince'ss, Whitney acted inappropriately at his concert while he was trying to rebuild his vain career. This resulted in Prince'ss banning Whitney from all his concerts...
You know when Prince'ss bans you from a concert, then you have clearly had all the queen dragged out of you...
Though Prince'ss known for pulling celebs up on the stage to shindig with him on stage. He claims that Whitney displayed 'erratic behavior', and eschewed at her as he refused to put her on stage, due to Whitney looking as if she has mad cow's disease with a polished-sparkling vaseline face of a drunk...
We can also confirm that the 'erratic behavior' was probably due to Whitney demanding tickets from Prince'ss as she refused to pay for another one, because she's Whitney...
One hit and she's hankering for some more monkeyshines...
Spazz over Whitney, as we can deliberate that this was not your ordinary sort of 'erratic behavior', as your behavior goes without the need to be documented...
Furthermore, Whitney probably attempted to crowd-surf, which pissed the nutmeg out of Princess, as he claims that he didn't want Whitney to 'embaress herself', as he was already embaressing by calling upon Gavin Rossdale to barn dance with him on stage...
Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh shit...
Anyways, Whitney was triumphant in voluntarily entering a reconvery program. Yet in-patient or out-patient mumbo jumbo, it's pretty much a load of hogwash as it's clearly not taking any effect on Whitney. Still we eulogize you for that Whitney...
But, as you know at She & Him we have to pass on judgment, as you are the spring beneath the smutty pisslogged mattress...
We know you very well, and you know us very well too, as we are the only snot bloggers that makes the faux pas a mere farce. We do hope you are tee-total enough to read our snot blogs before you spazz out...
Despondently, we at She & Him wish you well Prince'ss. Continue to prance around. Yet, we fortunately won't be able to attend your concert as we don't want you banning us for pushing your off the stage, and referring to our snot blogs as 'erratic behavior'...
As for Whitney's daughter, as Eminem said on 'purple pills'. "Bizarre! Your mom is passing out, get her ass on the couch before she crashes out'...
Tuesday 10 May 2011
Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake bakers man, don't mark the cake with 'B'-Brat Biebs punches cake
Justin Bieber, incontestably a brat as his tantrums are well-renowned not only at She & Him headquarters. But, they are tauntingly familiar to all foxtrotters...
It's indeed spiralling out of control, as he not only caused a rumpus in the holy land with his totty tantrums. But, he has discharged from a 5 second newborn into the terrible 2's by punching a cake with his tiny embryonic matchstick fingers...
The cigarette-bud whiner recently turned the CSI set into a daycare center by flipping his diapers, rattles and pacifier out of the pram, resulting in a post-partum blues CSI team...
One witness, Mary Helgenberger who plays Catherine Willows, has witnessed firsthand the brattish behavior. We can confirm that she cleaned the dirt from her boots by going on a French radio station...
She went about as if she was singing a rendition intro of Miley Cyrus' '7 things I hate about you' , stating that:
"I shouldn't be saying this but he was kind of like a brat" (This shall be documented by She & Him for future evacuations to save you folks from the puny little shit).
Furthermore, according to the acting mother, Mary:
"He locked one of the producers in a closet, and he put his fist through a cake that was on the actors table".
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?...
We as usual could pressume that after the team refused to partake in the brats infantile game of hide and seek, thus tempting him into locking the producer in the closet. He also went about nearly damaging his gel-sacked carpals by punching a cake that would probably have been thrown in his face...
The tantrums continued as Biebs tripped over his peewee tongue by referring to acting mother, Mary as "kinda lame".
The stunted dwarf continued his disobedient outburst by prattling that:
"It's kinda lame when someone you met briefly and never worked with comments on you".
We at She & Him have never before met you briefly. Yet, your brattish whirrs are well-documented in your She & Him growth plan...
However, Biebs being the modest and ethical momma's boy, lashed out the etiquette, stating that he:
"Will continue to wish them luck and be kind".
Contradicting as all toddlers are when conditioning them to be kind, and share the goodness of their hearts...
This was shortlived as we can repulsively position ourselves on the matter that due to the infantiles acid reflux condition, he mopped Filipino Belieber's by constantly vomiting at a concert in Manila...
The Bieb's pediatrician states that he has a chest infection which is as a result of the tardy infantiles growing matchbox-sized larynx...
So while the brat continues to stroke different textures and throw tantrums, we at She & Him will continue to document your progress through our snot blogs...
It's indeed spiralling out of control, as he not only caused a rumpus in the holy land with his totty tantrums. But, he has discharged from a 5 second newborn into the terrible 2's by punching a cake with his tiny embryonic matchstick fingers...
The cigarette-bud whiner recently turned the CSI set into a daycare center by flipping his diapers, rattles and pacifier out of the pram, resulting in a post-partum blues CSI team...
One witness, Mary Helgenberger who plays Catherine Willows, has witnessed firsthand the brattish behavior. We can confirm that she cleaned the dirt from her boots by going on a French radio station...
She went about as if she was singing a rendition intro of Miley Cyrus' '7 things I hate about you' , stating that:
"I shouldn't be saying this but he was kind of like a brat" (This shall be documented by She & Him for future evacuations to save you folks from the puny little shit).
Furthermore, according to the acting mother, Mary:
"He locked one of the producers in a closet, and he put his fist through a cake that was on the actors table".
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?...
We as usual could pressume that after the team refused to partake in the brats infantile game of hide and seek, thus tempting him into locking the producer in the closet. He also went about nearly damaging his gel-sacked carpals by punching a cake that would probably have been thrown in his face...
The tantrums continued as Biebs tripped over his peewee tongue by referring to acting mother, Mary as "kinda lame".
The stunted dwarf continued his disobedient outburst by prattling that:
"It's kinda lame when someone you met briefly and never worked with comments on you".
We at She & Him have never before met you briefly. Yet, your brattish whirrs are well-documented in your She & Him growth plan...
However, Biebs being the modest and ethical momma's boy, lashed out the etiquette, stating that he:
"Will continue to wish them luck and be kind".
Contradicting as all toddlers are when conditioning them to be kind, and share the goodness of their hearts...
This was shortlived as we can repulsively position ourselves on the matter that due to the infantiles acid reflux condition, he mopped Filipino Belieber's by constantly vomiting at a concert in Manila...
The Bieb's pediatrician states that he has a chest infection which is as a result of the tardy infantiles growing matchbox-sized larynx...
So while the brat continues to stroke different textures and throw tantrums, we at She & Him will continue to document your progress through our snot blogs...
Demi Lovato's demons:"Cyber-bullies are cowards"
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawn..!
Yes folks, it's probably the most outlandish and heavy-eyed statement we have ever witnessed in the history of She & Him, as Demi Lovato has slammed, in cahoots with her personal goblins and an unbothered sedated Catherine Zeta Jones, at the sitting-ducks on twitter whom make fun of people with mental illnesses...
It's a cat and mouse battle we ought to be blasé about, but otherwise the battle has skyrocketed like full blown aids...
As fans have displayed their empathy as if it were a requiem...
And, haters have come out in their numbers calling Dem a cunt, which evidently is remotely not related to mental illnesses...
Mercifully for Dem, she consulted She & Him regarding the cyber-playground squabble. At first we considered taking a rain check as we were irresolute as to whether or not we were going to converse with Dem or her goblins. But, we decided to hang around for a while to hear what she's nit-picking at on twitter...
Dem who apparently had an overnight eating disorder and bipolar, told She & Him via twitter:
"I wish there wasn't so much pressure on society to be thin".
Dem obviously had no clue what she was talking about due to an overindulgence of her m & m pills...
Society beyond doubt has always had issues regarding weight, besides for being Samoan. Yet we can't come to terms as to why Dem feels this pressure to be skinny, and fit in a babygrow...
Furthermore, given that Dem has plenty of legroom in her jeans, the damsel in distress states:
"My heart goes out to any and all women who deal with this daily battle. I can't stand it when people make fun of the diseases so many people struggle from".
Fair enough Dem, as we at She & Him acknowledge the under par mental capacity of global citizens, yet we categorize you as a matching type Dem. This stems from as a result of Dem reaching out 'in awe' of the senile Catherine to bore the polka dots out of civilization...
Catherine however shrugged off the petty advice from the plainly delusional Dem by being unresponsive, thankfully in a benevolent manner, while numerous blokes have embroiled Dem as a cunt for making her redundant issues central in a society engrossed with mental infirmities...
While the soiled bottem Dem continues to churn the mill, she adds that:
"Along with making fun of illnesses or diseases, doing it over the internet only makes you more of a coward". How so, if we told you that you folks are free to potty on our lawn...
"Not to mention you've performed the act of cyber-bullying, something that's equally wrong and unacceptable".
So, you heard it folks. According to Dem it's off the beam to make fun of people over the internet...
So rag at her the next time she's in public as she's not only a troubled performer, but she's building a fanbase of women (the size of a Tyra Banks audience), whom never gave a slapdash-doo about her up until she summoned the personal demons of Catherine...
Frankly, we are lackadaisical, yet worn-out from your tomfoolery Dem, as you hinder the evolution of thought and wane all the zeal and zest out of humanity...
Thus Dem, we can conclude that recovery may be hard for you. That's why we have crowned you the biggest loser...
Yes folks, it's probably the most outlandish and heavy-eyed statement we have ever witnessed in the history of She & Him, as Demi Lovato has slammed, in cahoots with her personal goblins and an unbothered sedated Catherine Zeta Jones, at the sitting-ducks on twitter whom make fun of people with mental illnesses...
It's a cat and mouse battle we ought to be blasé about, but otherwise the battle has skyrocketed like full blown aids...
As fans have displayed their empathy as if it were a requiem...
And, haters have come out in their numbers calling Dem a cunt, which evidently is remotely not related to mental illnesses...
Mercifully for Dem, she consulted She & Him regarding the cyber-playground squabble. At first we considered taking a rain check as we were irresolute as to whether or not we were going to converse with Dem or her goblins. But, we decided to hang around for a while to hear what she's nit-picking at on twitter...
Dem who apparently had an overnight eating disorder and bipolar, told She & Him via twitter:
"I wish there wasn't so much pressure on society to be thin".
Dem obviously had no clue what she was talking about due to an overindulgence of her m & m pills...
Society beyond doubt has always had issues regarding weight, besides for being Samoan. Yet we can't come to terms as to why Dem feels this pressure to be skinny, and fit in a babygrow...
Furthermore, given that Dem has plenty of legroom in her jeans, the damsel in distress states:
"My heart goes out to any and all women who deal with this daily battle. I can't stand it when people make fun of the diseases so many people struggle from".
Fair enough Dem, as we at She & Him acknowledge the under par mental capacity of global citizens, yet we categorize you as a matching type Dem. This stems from as a result of Dem reaching out 'in awe' of the senile Catherine to bore the polka dots out of civilization...
Catherine however shrugged off the petty advice from the plainly delusional Dem by being unresponsive, thankfully in a benevolent manner, while numerous blokes have embroiled Dem as a cunt for making her redundant issues central in a society engrossed with mental infirmities...
While the soiled bottem Dem continues to churn the mill, she adds that:
"Along with making fun of illnesses or diseases, doing it over the internet only makes you more of a coward". How so, if we told you that you folks are free to potty on our lawn...
"Not to mention you've performed the act of cyber-bullying, something that's equally wrong and unacceptable".
So, you heard it folks. According to Dem it's off the beam to make fun of people over the internet...
So rag at her the next time she's in public as she's not only a troubled performer, but she's building a fanbase of women (the size of a Tyra Banks audience), whom never gave a slapdash-doo about her up until she summoned the personal demons of Catherine...
Frankly, we are lackadaisical, yet worn-out from your tomfoolery Dem, as you hinder the evolution of thought and wane all the zeal and zest out of humanity...
Thus Dem, we can conclude that recovery may be hard for you. That's why we have crowned you the biggest loser...
Charlie Sheenius, Rob Pat and Snoop collaborate on a song- like blending narcotics in a meth lab
There's no point in denying that you have hit the rocks when you are recording a song with Snoop, and especially Charlie Sheen, and the old hag Carmen Electra...
So as mournfully as the ex Korn guitarist, Rob Patterson is, we can affirm that this is no typical American redeeming quality to donate baked beans to the tornado surviving folks, as Rob doesn't want us to take the song seriously...
Clearly, he's less enthusiastic as many of us are, than Sheenius who claims that "people will love the song", eh?..
Of course we won't take the song too seriously Rob, as you have done with your relationship to cameo hag Electra...
Sheenius, to our surprise, contradicting his off-the-rocker plain stupid antics, makes a good point, as the tornado squatter folks would love anything but America at this point in time...
In the song we can expect Sheenius to be reiterating the most bothersome catchphrase 'winning', as if he was trying to allure the washed-out Dawson from his folding prostate Ke$ha...
However, we at She & Him are in no doubt convinced that folks would probably love the song, as it would hopefully give Jlo's obsolete electro-carnage song less airtime, and make Adele look like a superstar, as the dame would generate more dough to subsidize her weigh-less program...
On the other hand, according Rob Pat, "The song started off about Charlie Sheen. But when Snoop came in, I said I didn't want it to be about Charlie and repeating his key phrases".
Thank god Patterson. You have finally came to your senses that some sort of intervention had to be taken to restrain Sheenius' autistic habits...
Anyways, optimistically, we can assume that this muddled up collaboration of Snoop and Sheenius was no clean and sober deed, as a reconstruction of the big bang that took place in the studio was probably the scene of a botanical gardens gone up in flames, as we can hear the old hag Electra saying at the begining of the song,"Are you winning, Mr.Sheen?". Snoop being the professional that he is, banged it up in the studio with Sheenius as he replied,"No, he's smoking right now".
Furthermore, according to close sources, there will also be an R-rated version of the song littered with four letters...
Which we expect to be barred in China, India and Indonesia as they should be forbidden from being acquainted with an opus telling them to f*ck, and further swell an already enormously hominoid human race...
So, as much as we love seeing Sheenius shove himself in the electric socket, the song's on the rampage today for all you folk who love illegal downloads...
The song will however not be doctored by She & Him as we are only specialized to document the breed of stupidity, such as Sheenius...
Mi casa es su casa (you are welcome to potty on this lawn)
Adíos conocido/as
Don't bother trying to sniff our vasectomy panties on Facebook or Twitter as the writer chooses to remain anonymous, for reasons of having Jesus' abs and Brad Shits face.
So as mournfully as the ex Korn guitarist, Rob Patterson is, we can affirm that this is no typical American redeeming quality to donate baked beans to the tornado surviving folks, as Rob doesn't want us to take the song seriously...
Clearly, he's less enthusiastic as many of us are, than Sheenius who claims that "people will love the song", eh?..
Of course we won't take the song too seriously Rob, as you have done with your relationship to cameo hag Electra...
Sheenius, to our surprise, contradicting his off-the-rocker plain stupid antics, makes a good point, as the tornado squatter folks would love anything but America at this point in time...
In the song we can expect Sheenius to be reiterating the most bothersome catchphrase 'winning', as if he was trying to allure the washed-out Dawson from his folding prostate Ke$ha...
However, we at She & Him are in no doubt convinced that folks would probably love the song, as it would hopefully give Jlo's obsolete electro-carnage song less airtime, and make Adele look like a superstar, as the dame would generate more dough to subsidize her weigh-less program...
On the other hand, according Rob Pat, "The song started off about Charlie Sheen. But when Snoop came in, I said I didn't want it to be about Charlie and repeating his key phrases".
Thank god Patterson. You have finally came to your senses that some sort of intervention had to be taken to restrain Sheenius' autistic habits...
Anyways, optimistically, we can assume that this muddled up collaboration of Snoop and Sheenius was no clean and sober deed, as a reconstruction of the big bang that took place in the studio was probably the scene of a botanical gardens gone up in flames, as we can hear the old hag Electra saying at the begining of the song,"Are you winning, Mr.Sheen?". Snoop being the professional that he is, banged it up in the studio with Sheenius as he replied,"No, he's smoking right now".
Furthermore, according to close sources, there will also be an R-rated version of the song littered with four letters...
Which we expect to be barred in China, India and Indonesia as they should be forbidden from being acquainted with an opus telling them to f*ck, and further swell an already enormously hominoid human race...
So, as much as we love seeing Sheenius shove himself in the electric socket, the song's on the rampage today for all you folk who love illegal downloads...
The song will however not be doctored by She & Him as we are only specialized to document the breed of stupidity, such as Sheenius...
Mi casa es su casa (you are welcome to potty on this lawn)
Adíos conocido/as
Don't bother trying to sniff our vasectomy panties on Facebook or Twitter as the writer chooses to remain anonymous, for reasons of having Jesus' abs and Brad Shits face.
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