Yes folks,
We at She & Him think that it's likely that the world's going to end, as dead-beat Cannon jolts the globe into a flight of panic, due to the worn-out Mariah considering releasing an expression-of-grief lullabies, to make all folks hurl...
To make matters even more of a poorer quality, Ashlee Simpson's also considering releasing an album to put us in a coma...
We at She & Him don't give two hoots about these two washed-out-rags releasing an album, as we've already lobbed Mariah's xmas album into the blazing bonfire (middle-class doinks, it would be your fireplace)...
And neither are we keen on giving Ashlee either of our five senses...
According to sources, the slipshod mothers' albums are 'INCREDIBLE!'. Eh?..
As a result of the folks at She & Him tossing and turning in a bid to give these two slipshod albums the least thought, we have ransacked the chemist labs for paracetemol, and eventually declared these albums barely credible...
Shame...
Furthermore, in an attempt to defend Mariah from the guzzled marginalization at the She & Him headquarters, Cannon has blasted his apendix in an effort to persuade the unenthused folks at She & Him that Mariah won't go downhill like her sagging breasts...
He milks the cow by stating that:
"She's been working away, and we have a studio in the crib, and [the pregnancy] has totally inspired her on so many different levels. You're definitely gonna see some new phenomenal music from Mariah".
Cannon, being clearly ignorant to the fact that the sagging Mariah will no longer make record sales due to her looking depleted. We at She & Him with our realistic expectations are confident that she's destined to wane us folks and her tots into a state of sleep apnea...
On the other hand, whilst in the celebrity confession cubicle, twitter, the wishy-washy Ashlee Simpson tweeted her desperation with idiomatic chinwag:
"Writing sesh on the balcony. My album doesn't seem so far away".
Oh please, doinky mendacity...
While most folks assumed that Ashlee was contemplating suicide on a balcony, sources have dampened our gusto by claiming that she was writing songs on a balcony for her new album...
Again we say oh please, doinky mendacity...
Still, no one gives two droppings Ashlee...
Unlike chump-for-a-hump Cannon, Pete Wentz wouldn't stand up for Ashlee, not only as a result of the hogging being a nauseating puddle of muck. Regrettably, each sample that has ever emerged from Ashlee had to be doctored as we had to bring all witticism into play...
Shame...
However. While samples have yet to be released , we at She & Him have jumped the gun by hurling an appetite of putrid tomatoes onto your elapsed fame, by inducting the two of you into the She & Him wall of ignominy...
As billboard doesn't give two droppings...
Doinks!..
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